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Are all 9 yr old girls total drama llamas?

8 replies

SharingMichelle · 09/09/2015 18:25

My eldest daughter is nine.

To me, her friendships seem utterly exhausting. There is a group of 4 of them who are 'best friends'. It is a constant stream of who is cross with who, who 'ditched' who, who didn't wait for who, who saved who a space in the canteen. They all talk about each other behind everyone else's backs. In all honesty, I'm not sure my daughter even likes two of them, but they are her 'best friends'.

I worry that it isn't really a healthy friendship. I do talk to her about how good friends don't say they'll meet you at break time and then go somewhere else instead. To be clear, they are all as bad as each other, my daughter included.

It is a general source of stress for my daughter, and she often talks to me about it. She is tearful about something that has gone on at least once a week.

She has had other friends before without this drama. I just wondered how normal this is? Is it about par for the course at this age? Or should I be gently encouraging my daughter to make other, less exhausting friendships?

I bought her this book a while back.

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Sallyhasleftthebuilding · 09/09/2015 18:30

This isnt normal for a small group of girls.

  1. ditch the beat friend title
  2. get her new friends
  3. drop.any signs of trying to out do each other

I have experience of this type of girls, they struggle in high school as they cant keep and maintain friendships.

You spotted it, and can help.

mollyonthemove · 09/09/2015 18:31

It seems completely normal to me! I am going through it for the second time (15 years apart) and dd2 is behaving exactly the same as dd1. It is non stop drama....

JiltedJohnsJulie · 09/09/2015 18:34

Can't really comment as my DD is just 8. Some of her friends behave like this. We've spent a lot of time getting it over to her that if someone isn't being nice, don't play with them. She has a very nice and steady friend who doesn't like the arguments either so we encourage this friendship by having her over regulary.

AliMonkey · 09/09/2015 18:46

Not normal here - although a huge drama queen when it comes to the tiniest injury such as a paper cut!

SharingMichelle · 09/09/2015 18:59

About 50/50 on whether this is to be expected or not.

The thing is, even if I decide that it's not healthy and needs to change - what exactly can I do? I already do all the obvious like gently encouraging new friends, telling her that good friends don't behave the way she and her friends do, I remind her about her other friendships that don't have all this drama.

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Sallyhasleftthebuilding · 09/09/2015 19:51

They are trying to be centre of attention, and dis like others having that attention. Encourage her to like the things she likes and not follow/want what others have.
Friendships like this will get worse, not better, huge falling out, and split into groups.
I would ask her to stop playing with these girls, only invite one friend at a time, and think about how her actions make others feel.

Paddypaws3 · 10/09/2015 19:54

I'm going through exactly the same with my 8.5yo dd.

I've just bumped an old thread which has some great insights and advice on.

KERALA1 · 10/09/2015 19:57

My 9 year old girl is quite calm and her friends seem pleasant - no dramas so far touch wood. DD2 aged 6 is much more weepy and emotional as DD1 was at that age - 9 seems easier so far anyway could all change!

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