Think I may have to talk to the child's parent - not sure though - what do you lot think?

[poppiesinaline]

DS1 (year 5) has been having 'trouble' with a boy in his class since the beginning of year 4. I am finding it really difficult to know exactly what is going on. As far as I can determine, it is more of a personality clash rather than this other boy (let's call him XX) being malicious iyswim, although I get the feeling that XX is a particularly annoying character as others too have complained about him.

Anyway, I did the whole, talking to the teacher thing last year and nothing seemed to improve.

I know XX's mum to small talk to in the playgroup. She seems nice enough, although I don't think I would like to upset her if you get my drift.

DS1 is now crying before school saying that he doesnt want to go because of XX.

I don't know what else to do apart from have a gentle word with the mum, although, tbh, I dont really know what she can do either !

HELP!!!

Message withdrawn

I wouldn't speak to the parent, TBH.
It is a problem that exists at school, so school should deal with it.
As they haven't managed to deal with it effectively yet, I would make an appointment with the Headteacher, and ensure that they do.
If necessary, make your concerns very clear in writing, and copy in the head of Governors if you don't see an improvement really quickly.
No child should be crying before school because of having to face another child - and the school need to acknowledge this problem and deal with it firmly, IMO.

school problem IMO
Ask them as if ds is that upset, it may have taken the turn to more serious bullying
Had exact same with my ds in yr5 - he fell out big time with his friend and this kid made his life hell afterwards (ds made very bad judgement call on school trip - deserved to lose the boy as friend but not what happened afterwards)
The school were USELESS So I pulled him out and that got them moving

Would approach the school tbh. And keep on approaching if things don't change.

Im not sure I would approach the mum to be honest, I would talk to the teacher again.

If it was someone I knew well it may be different but I wouldnt like someone I dont know that well approaching me about one of my dc, but that is just me. I think it could very easily get confrontational

whatever you decide to do I hope you can sort it for your ds

I agree that it's a school issue and they should be sorting it out. make appointment to see his teacher again and if not happy then the headteacher. They need to know how unhappy your DS is and they need to deal with it.

so the verdict is talk to the teacher again then. He has a new teacher this year so I am hoping I won't be going back to square one.

OK, I'll see if I can grab the teacher after school today and see how I get on.

Definitely talk to the teacher, not the mother.

Hiya Hun

Knowing the school as I do, and having been in the same siuation with dd1. I did go through the school on 3 occasions and the Deputy head was by far the most helpful and got things sorted
Unfortunately it started up again and we did end up speaking to the mum and it was again sorted for a while. Luckily the other girl went to a different high school to dd1.
I think definately speak to the teacher/deputy head ect.... but if its no sorted this time maybe approach the parent.
I do agree it's the schools problem but if a child is crying before school its a parents problem too

I would try to meet XX's mother with a few other mothers over tea and biscuits, then, alone for a friendly chat, if she seems nice and, above all, intelligent. After all, it is possible that XX has a serious problem, and needs professional help, and his mother does not know what to do or is in denial. The question is: if your child were a bully, would you like to know? I would.
On the other hand, if you believe this kind of behaviour is inexcusable, you should definitely urge teachers and the Headmaster to do something.
In the meantime, I would recommend your dd to try not to show any fear/anger when XX makes her mad. I remember that was the way I defeated the bullies at her age- it helped I was a foot or so taller than them-, and I actually enjoyed their frustration at their vane attempts to make me cry. But this depends on what the gravity of XX's actions. It is incredible how the majority of schools seems to ignore this problem.

When my DD was having a spot of bother with a boy in her class... I had a word with him!.. I just said I hear you and DD aren't getting on right now, he was really defensive, blaming her, so I just said "how about staying away from her and I'll tell her to stay away from you"... problem sorted! I was nice although it pained me to do so... (I can be nice GGRRRR).
I really don't think the teachers or dinnerladies are aware of everything that goes on in the breaks.... If I was you I would have a word with the Mum... same thing along the lines of I hear our kids aren't getting on to well at the moment.. her kid may be crying each morning as well....

Thanks for all your replies, esp Magnolia1 - good to hear from someone who knows the school

Well, I couldnt find the teacher after school but found the teaching assistant who was more than happy to listen. I explained the problem and said that I wasnt sure if it was a personality clash or a bullying problem. She asked DS some questions. She said she would observe them in the playground and at lunch and see if she can work out what the problem is. At which point the teacher then appeared. The assistant said she would fill the teacher in for me and she would contact me in a few days to up date me and see how we can sort out the problem.

DS seemed relieved that someone was looking out for him.

Time will tell if we manage to sort the problem. I'll keep you posted.