Leaving 9 month old?!

[Boogle27]

Hi, just looking for a bit of advice. My husband works away a lot- he's usually away for up to a week at a time 2 or 3 weeks a month. I've found it quite hard (DS had terrible reflux and didn't sleep from about age 4 months and just starting to get better now!) and was referred to the pnd unit. My husband suggested getting away for 3 nights while my mum looks after Ds. Partly to give me a bit of a break from Ds and partly so that my husband and I can get some much needed time alone together. My Ds would stay with my mum who he sees most days and he's really happy and comfortable with. Obviously I will miss Ds terribly but there is a part of me that is really excited about the chance to get a break! BUT, I then read an article on an attachment parenting site (I'm not doing ap but was looking for advice on leaving Ds!) and it totally freaked me out! It said that by leaving him even overnight I could permanently damage him and affect his ability to form relationships in the future etc! My Ds is a really happy wee soul- he's not got any separation anxiety at the moment and he's quite happy to go to most people! Basically my question is- do you think I should go?! Feel totally confused. Thanks!

If you want to go then go. I left DD when she was 8 months for 3 nights. Slightly different in that she was with DH as I went away with friends. She is a happy confident 18 month old now. It was hard leaving her and I did miss her but really enjoyed the break.

Only you can decide whether to go or not and how you will feel. Could you have a couple of practice runs first, maybe start by going out to lunch, just the 2 of you?

Could you go for two nights? I left DS at 7 months to visit friends abroad, I had a panic on the way to the airport but it was all fine and the rest really helped (I slept for 14 hours one night!)

I'd go if you want to. And I'd not overlook the importance to your child's wellbeing that a) his mother is happy and feels supported in herself and b) his parents' relationship is well supported as well. I think a lot of ap principles are great, but there can also be a lot of overstated claims which put huge pressures on mothers which I feel shouldn't be there and neglect a holistic view of health for child, mother, and family as a whole.

I needed to take two days for work earlier than 9 months and I saw absolutely no change in my son. We went to a wedding together - a few nights away - when he was about a year old, and again no trouble. He's a lovely and usually secure wee guy now, and we've a very close relationship. How you feel about it will depend on you and your child, but lots of people need to leave kids that young for work, and I don't think it likely that lots of those kids are permanently damaged by it.

I do think you can only do what is right for you and not according to some unfounded threat. It's extremely likely that everything would be absolutely fine and everybody would benefit from it.

I, personally, couldn't have done it. With dc1 because I had PND and was anxious and physically couldn't leave her. With dc2, at 9 months his separation anxiety was so severe that I couldn't leave him for 3 minutes, let alone 3 nights! I did not and do not remotely believe that anybody who leaves their child with a loving, caring grandparent is damaging their future happiness. And I am as AP as they come.

If you are worried, build up to it. Have a couple of nights out, let your Mum settle him in bed so he's used to it and then have a night where you're close by and able to come back if either of you needs it and then build up to the three nights.

Don't parent through fear. Sounds like DS is very lucky to have a doting grandparent and you are allowed to reclaim time for yourself.

Don't parent through fear.

This is one of the wisest things I've read on here in a long time, and relevant to so many situations. Very well said, permets. Thanks.

GO! it'll be a great chance for LO to have some fun with your mum, and you can have a breather knowing LO is in good hands.

Thanks HJBeans. I'm thinking of printing it next to a minion and sharing it on FB. Whaddya reckon?

Seriously, I do think it's a good thing to remind yourself of. However you term it. Whether you're parenting without fear or positive parenting or whatever frame or words you put on it, it's nice to feel secure in your decisions rather than cowed by the criticisms of people who aren't relevant to your personal circumstances. I wish I'd realised this before I had my own dc tbh.

i did this when DD was 9 months old. went away for a weekend with DH...it was truly amazing!

i think it's easier to leave them when they are smaller, they don't 'know' in quite the same way that you are gone, and they can't ask for you.

i'm going away for a week with work next week and i know that DD (now 2) will walk around the house confused and asking for me :(

Just go. Your baby won't be damaged for life. You, however will get to relax, have fun and sleep!

Thank you so much everyone- I really appreciate your advice and supportive comments- "don't parent through fear" is going to be my new mantra! I think I'm going to bite the bullet and do it- Ds adores his gran so hopefully he'll have a whale of a time. Thanks again everyone x