Struggling to cope with 2 years old behaviour

[Pammy1976]

This is my first time posting but I am at my wits end with my 2 year olds behaviour which seems to be getting worse daily. I had a new baby 3 months ago when my son was 22 months and he has not coped well at all. The baby has terrible reflux and colic so is very high needs which has made the adjustment more stressful for us all. My son is very rough with the baby hitting him, scratching, etc and I can not leave him unattended for a minute. His night time sleep is terrible and he is waking up multiple times a night crying to get into bed with his dad (he demands I leave the bed). We have stopped allowing him in as we were all exhausted but he still wakes up crying for his dad. He never wants me anymore and it is as if he has fallen out with me due to the arrival on the baby. He will hit me and lash out when I try to dress him, put on his clothes etc. I try so hard to spend 1:1 time and take him swimming and to a Gymboree class every week. His behaviour at nursery is also awful. Today he badly scratched a little girls face and I was in tears driving home as I felt so ashamed and like a terrible parent. The worst part is he shows no remorse and even after been told off and asked to apologies he runs back and does the same negative behaviour again. I have tried ignoring the behaviour, time out but seen little improvement. I also think part of the problem is sleep deprivation. He can be good and will sit a read his books or kiss the baby but it is few and far between. He goes to his grams one day a week and for some strange reason is always well behaved but turns into a monster the minute he walks in the front door. I really don't know if it is a phase or he has a behavioural issue that needs address. Any advice would be very much welcomed.

Sounds really tough for you, but perfectly normal for that age I think. It's a big adjustment for everyone with a new baby, but the toddler doesn't have the tools to understand what the new addition means so I would just say keep doing what you are doing, even though it's exhausting, set firm boundaries and persevere. I have heard of far worse behaviour towards a new baby, and the GP just advised it's normal.....we get the odd push and shove, but luckily not much more than that but we have a very small gap between the two so older doesn't remeber a time without younger, if that makes sense. My two year old goes through phases of picking favourites and when we can (normally it's just me so no choice) we take it in turns and just tell him that no tonight mummy will read you a story and daddy will come and say goodnight, regardless of who he is asking for.

As for showing remorse maybe he is just a little too young for that? My toddler will go to comfort his sister if she is upset but seems completely oblivious to the fact that he may have caused it. We just carry on with time outs as that seem to work okish for now, but it's very hard to know what they actually understand at that age.