2 year old dd changed since arrival of ds

[prufrock]

DD is just 2, and ds is 2 weeks today. DD has been brilliant with him. We followed all the advice on previous threads (he arrived with a present, she's had lots of fuss made of her) and it seems to have worked. But it's worked too well - she is so enamoured with him that she doesn't want to leave! She goes to nursery on Monday and Tuesday. She used to go to a different nursery full time (and loved it) until we moved here 6 weeks ago. Prior to ds she was settling in quite well, still grumbling slightly when left in the morning, but no problems during the day. But yesterday dh took her and she started crying as soon as she saw the place, then was in floods and clinging to him as he left. When she came home they said she had been very quiet and reserved all day, an hadn't really joined in with anything. She'd also eaten really badly (but made up for that when she got home). She got home and ran to give ds cuddles, but was really quiet with us as well - she kept going off and hiding in corners looking sad.

I want her to keep going to nursery - I think it's important for me to have a break from full on toddler to concentrate on the baby, and more important for her to have the social interaction and opportunities for independance that she gets from nursery, nd I don't have any issues with the nursery - it's just so upsetting to have her so upset every morning. Any views/experiences? Will she get used to it and start to enjoy going again, or should I give up and have her at home full time?

Awww poor wee lamb xx I'm sure she'll get used to the changes soon, it's very early days yet. She sounds so sweet

My DS1 stuttered for a while when DS2 was born. I must admit I shouted at him a bit more which must've been hormones We did all the right things too but it's bound to affect them to start with.

Try not to worry as you both sound like lovely parents. I'm sure she'll be fine in a week or two.

prufrock remember it is very early days and your dd has just had the biggest upheaval by far of her little life (you can't change that even if you do 'all the right things'!) I suspect she is upset because she knows you are all at home with ds - god knows I find it hard enough to leave dh with ds1 and ds2 when I have to go to work, so how much harder for a 2 year old!
My ds1 was also very keen to be involved with ds2 from the outset - I think they sense very powerfully that the new baby is where all the attention is, so they are doing what they can to get in on the action! Looking back he was also rather unsettled for two or three months (I kept finding myself at breaking point with him for no very good reason - I guess everyone is adjusting in the beginning and the lack of sleep doesn't help) but things are sooo much more settled now (ds2 5.5 months).
I wouldn't pull her out of nursery - ime you really need the break that that time gives you, and she will benefit from it in the long run again - but perhaps I might shorten her day there for a little while, to make it easier for her to cope with it.
It will pass

I think it is a phase Prufrock and it will pass. Had ds2 when ds1 just 2 so understand some of what you are going through.

It's 3 very big upheavals coinciding that she may be finding hard to cope with - arrival of a first sibling, house move AND change of nursery.

I agree with Elliot's idea of perhaps shortening the nursery days a bit for a period of time (although I know this time is precious to you).

Has she been able to make any special little friends at nursery? It sound like she's feeling a bit lost there. One suggestion, perhaps she could take in some photos of her new brother for the nursery nurses to show other children (bringing her home life into nursery a bit). Also, perhaps the nursery could encourage her to do, paint, make things to bring home for her little brother, so she feels there's a connection between the two places in that sense as well.

Good luck - its early days and you have already succeeded in her accepting her new brother. The rest will come.

Prufrock, sorry about your little girl. I suspect that if she loved it before she will settle in but as others have said, there are a lot of changes in her life right now and she might feel anxious about leaving you at home with the baby. My ds was very different - never liked nursery really - but your dd sounds like she will settle eventually. Maybe tell her that the "poor little baby isn't big enough to go to nursery like his big sister so he has to stay home - poor little baby"? And going on about how she has lots of friend to play with but the baby is too little to have any friends and generally point out how sad his life is compared to hers ?

Hi prufrock - sorry your dd is upset. Ds was just 2 when dd was born, and it is a difficult time for them. Although he has on the whole been fantastic, he has had one or two problems - his eating has been terrible since she was born, and he is more unsettled at nursery when I leave him, but he is fine after I have gone. Some friends have told me that they can react up to a year after the birth - so it really is a major trauma. I wonder if going back to nursery is the first step in life getting back to normal - only normal is different now, because there is ds. Maybe she just isn't sure whether things are stable now. I guess, although as adults you know that all the changes are done now, she might be wondering what else is going to happen - as twogorgeousboys said, she has had 3 upheavals.

I would try to make her feel really secure, and try to help her understand that the upheaval is over. I'm sure she will settle back into nursery soon, and I think the routine will be really good for her. I wish ds had been in nursery here when dd was tiny (they both go to a nursery 45 miles from home, but near my work, and I only work very part-time, so before I went back, I obviously wasn't going to drive 180 miles just to put ds into nursery, which it would have been if I'd dropped him off, come home then gone to pick him up!).

You're doing really well! I'm sure your dd will settle soon.