Help - need advice from anyone with experience of clingy / insecure children - childminders would be helpful too!!!!

[BobShortForKate]

Am a MN regular - have changed names for this in case I upset any of my family! (probably won't just being ultra-careful).

Am currently looking after my niece for my sister while she works three days a week. I was really looking forward to it, but now I'm struggling.

My niece (13 months) seems very insecure - she gets upset over things very easily. Something as simple as me popping out the room to go the loo results in floods of tears. Then she won't let me comfort her. And just cries for ages until I manage to distract her. The rest of the time she is demanding for me to pick her up - I have peace and quiet if I carry her round constantly, basically.

I'm finding it hard to do anything remotely housework-like the days she is here - even popping upstairs to get a load of washing is an issue. She stands at the bottom of the stairs and cries until I come back down.

This afternoon for example I have been making a bolognese sauce for tea. She spent the whole time standing in the kitchen crying for me to pick her up. She had toys there to play with but all she wanted me to do was pick her up. I did briefly and when I put her back down to get on with things we had more tears.

She's now quite happily sitting on my lap as I type this. But I just had to pop to the kitchen to give my sauce a stir and we had more tears when I put her down.

I'm really at my wits end. She is only happy if she has 100 per cent of my attention. Which would be fine, but I have a dd at home and a ds at school, and obviously I have to give then some attention too. DD goes to nursery three mornings a week, and now the nursery staff are saying that she is being clingy and demanding more attention and cuddles from them - which I think is due to me directing too much attention at my niece. So I'm also feeling guilty about that.

My two were never like this as babies - particularly DD as she had (older) DS to amuse her once she got to about the same age as my niece. Even though my DD tries her best to get my niece to play with her, she's not really that successful.

Would be grateful if anyone out there has some advice for strategies to deal with this and hopefully make my niece feel happier.

TIA

Anyone, please?

Message withdrawn

she sounds very tired

she is probably upset about being left? and has some seperation anxiety. To be honest I don't see what else you can do other than pander to it until she feels more secure in your company. I know its hard - believe me I have three children of my own . It sounds like a hard job though. Hopefully you have suggested a trial period to your sister...

This will sound crass but it should work...
Sit down & watch a favourite dvd with her.
When she is totally engrossed, tell her you'll pop & get her a drink. Be quick!
Then a snack... a minute this time...
Need the loo... 2 mins...
You get the idea!

I think is is a temprement/personality thing too

I actually would have a chat with her mum in a casual way and see if she is like this at home. If she is then I'm not sure you can do much about it other than endure. If she isn't maybe she just needs a bit more time to get used to you and will get better.

Ds was like this at this age but he was like it with me and not the childminder.

I won't lie and say it was easy but with ds I used a combination of 'sneaking off' as suggested by fortyplus and carrying him a lot in a hip sling.

He did calm down when in the carrier but there were times when I couldn't carry him (carrying hot stuff while cooking etc.)and he cried.

I still get bad days with him (he's 2) but I rarely have him crying and grabbing my leg for the entire time I'm trying to cook nowadays thank goodness.

Not very helpful I know but it does pass

Oh and as Enid says she may be tired- ds's crying was MUCH worse if he was tired. He needs a lot of regular sleep and a pretty consistent routine to be a happy boy.

Thanks everyone - according to my sister she is pretty much like this at home as well.

Well - will just have to perservere and hope things get better - will definitely try to keep her with me as much as possible. And do the 'sneaking off' thing occasionally.

Regarding the tired thing - she does have regular naps, but as my sister is having to get up early to go to work, she is up much earlier than she used to be.

She goes to a nursery one day a week, and is like this with the staff there - she seems to fixate on one and when that one leaves the room, she gets really upset and no-one can comfort her.

So, at least it's not just me!!!!

Sounds like separation a to me. Anything from 6 months beyound I'm afraid :0

I'm a childminder and only had my own ds1 like this, it's hard work but it's part of their personality the're not doing it to 'wind you up' (as it can feel) your not alone out there I'm sure but stick to it you sound like your doing a grat job and your interests about the child are well look after if you were my sister I'd be proud xx

oh yeah hehe ds1 now 4 and at school, still very shy like only a select few friends but is sooo loving towards me unlike dd whos 2 and could manage without me 'yeah mums left the room so what!!!!' hehe

xx