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5yo lacking focus

4 replies

Sunshineandwaves · 29/08/2015 09:44

Am seeking some advice about my DS who is age 5. We live in Australia and he started school (equivalent of reception year) in January.

My son has an excellent teacher who is very highly regarded by the school community. At the last two parents evenings she said to me that my DS is significantly "slower" than the other kids in class and he lacks focus.

However she also said at he is doing well at reading, writing, maths etc. She said he is a kind friend and is very well behaved.

I asked his teacher if there is anything I could do to help him with his focus and she said probably not, that it was likely a matter of maturity rather than ability.

I understand what she means about his "lack of focus" as at home he often needs to be asked a number of times to do simple tasks like putting his shoes in the bedroom.

When I have volunteered as a parent helper in class I have seen him complete activities much slower than the other children. For example he will still be writing his name at the top of the sheet when the other children have moved on to the next activity.

I had brushed the issue off as something that would work itself out in time. That is until the last couple of weeks when my son has been telling me he feels very sad about how slow he is at school. He said he feels upset that he cannot keep up with the other kids. He said he feels confused. He also said they tease him for being slow and make up rhyming songs about him.

I tried to reassure him that he is doing well and as long as he tries that is all that matters. I also suggested he tell the teacher when he is being teased, he said she doesn't like it when kids tell tales (I'm not sure whether she would deem this as telling tales or not).

I feel so sad for him and am worried this could dent his confidence. I know school can be a lonely place when you are being teased.

So I am wondering if mumsnetters have any advice about how I can tackle this? I feel I need to approach his teacher, I'm wondering what my expectation of her should be? What would best help him to deal with his feelings? And is there anyway I can help him developing his focus - over time?

OP posts:
holeinmyheart · 29/08/2015 14:42

I think you should definitely defend your son about the others making up rhymes about him, because it is BULLYING. Horrible children,
My second son was and is slow because he likes to get all his T's crossed and all his I's dotted.
He has always liked to be slow and careful about everything. He locks doors and is ultra cautious.
He is a now a Doctor, having failed the 11+ ( as it is a time trial. ) he went on to have the highest academic results at GCSE in his competitive Boarding school. His 'A' levels were also outstanding.
You can also sometimes wait a minute for him to reply to a question, he appears a bit dense on occasion. But I know that he likes to think deeply about things.
So please don't worry too much, except about the teasing, that needs a good stamping on. Children are so cruel.
Honestly, 5,is too young to worry about how he will survive. His teacher says he is fine, so believe her.
It is hard though, as you love him, and so want to protect your children from pain. Hugs

TheHouseOnTheLane · 29/08/2015 14:45

I have a DD like this....she's 11 now and absolutely fine. We've actually just moved to Oz....but in the UK she passed her SATS at levels 5 and 6...so ahead of where she was expected for her age. She is very slow too...my DD talks about how she felt confused at the age of 5 and 6 too....things moved faster than she could....at this point DD was in a prep school...so very pushy...they told me to get an egg timer to help her work out her time...I did...but in retrospect I wish I'd just told her that she was fine...and that she could ask the teacher for more explanation at any time because That's What They're There For!

It winds me up that FIVE year olds are all expected to move at the same pace! Of course they can't...they're all different.

On a different note, have you spoken to the teacher about the name calling? That needs tackling head on and now. You need to speak to her about it...you don't need to tell your son.

Sunshineandwaves · 29/08/2015 23:44

Thank you so much for your replies. It is great to hear your reassurance and that I don't need to be pushing him more. I have emailed his teacher to ask if I can come in and chat to her. I'm keen to put a stop to the teasing before it crushes his confidence.

OP posts:
circlelake · 04/09/2015 05:22

It's nice that your son's teacher isn't worried.

Mine is the same age and his teacher finds his lack of focus very hard it seems. He is in the equivalent of yr1 now and will be 6 soon.

He's the same at home, takes ages to get shoes/pyjamas etc on.

If anyone has any techniques to help them focus it'd be great. DS is sometimes missing out on playing time to catch up which he gets sad about.

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