my 3 year old son... is he just naughty???

[hkay1984]

hi everyone!
I'm new on here looking for advice.
In a couple sentence I'm a mum of three, my eldest son is nearly 10, my daughter who is nearly 5 and my youngest was 3 in may.
my youngest is by far the most challenging little man I have ever known and I work in a preschool and have met a lot of 2 to 3 year olds!]I just don't know what to do!
so far I have probably received over 60 incident and accidents forms from his preschool some minutes apart from each other! from hitting and marking children to bashing them over the head with big wooden blocks. his keyworker obv took him away from situations to time out and afterwards an apology to the child which worked for a while and I even brought the technique to home until he understood that was a punishment and knew it! he would do his crime then place himself to my step or at preschool their time out area on his own then go up to the child cross his arms then say sorry in a deeper voice! actions to others are hardly ever provoked its always been very impulsive, one minute he'll be playing nicely with a child then BAM! another incident,
he constantly breaks everything! i have to put literally everything away one mistake and there's something new in the bin! there are so many i could tell you but this would end up being a book.
But i wouldn't say hes malicious there's never anger in his face no incentive for his action like i said just very random and impulsive.
For awhile now i have been encouraging him to potty train but he just wasn't interested but for a couple of days now hes been taking his nappy off and weeing everywhere but the toilet! Discipline has no effect on him hes not remotely attached to anything for me to take anything away as punishment, if i take him to his room he'll quite happily sit there. i over praise him for good behaviour and he enjoys the positive attention but its very rare. With my older two children i could hold conversations with them by now and i cant with him to question his actions.
please any advice on how to control my child pleassssse

Is his speech delayed? If so, I'd refer him to SLT, you might be able to do this or your HV can. If you are talking to the HV, I'd ask her about getting his hearing checked too

Firstly, get his eyesight and hearing checked. Also a speech and language assessment. Xx

Forgot to say, my DDs speech improved lots once she got her glasses

How was your pregnancy with him, his birth and early weeks? Any birth trauma, poor agar scores, severe jaundice?

We did have issues with his right ear hearing check and had to keep going back but in the end he was fine. As we have members in the family who wear glasses he had a hospital visit for an eye test and again was told all is well, also as you bring up jaundice he did have it for quite a while my hv sent me to the hospital about it when he was 3 months old but he didn't need treatment, as I was breast feeding the doctor told me that jaundice takes longer to flush threw, his speech is at a minimal though I do worry if his actions are sometimes a root to causes because of communication but he 100% understands me, when he destroys/hurts people/things I will say that's not nice and tell him to apologise he just tells me he hates me, I could hold full conversations with my other two by now. Ie been to parenting course when I was younger and Learnt how to deal with temper tantrums but my 3 old never has temper tantrums
Thanks for all the replies

How long ago was it that they said his hearing was ok? If it was a while ago, I'd ask for it to be checked again.

Now I'm intrigued about the jaundice thing. Why would that have an impact?

It sounds a little like very mild kernicterus. How is his movement/balance and coordination?

He was a baby it was just his first hearing screen. His ears have to be cleaned daily as he has a heavy flow if ear wax, would this mean anything? I really don't think hearing is an issue his balance is fine but coordination id say is poor catching a ball? No thinking about it not really he can't , completley doesn't get how to ride his bike no matter how many time you try to teach him. I just would love to know how his brain works so I can parent him the best way I can. He was under assessment at preschool they didn't say much about it apart from they are worried about his attention span but I really didn't think much if it at the time he was 2 and I just thought what child has a high attention span at that we but clearly they were worried but I kind of got defended and told them he's 2! And I never heard anymore about it

I would speak to your HV today. I think it's worth getting his hearing and eyesight checked again, ask for a referral to SLT and mention his attention span and lack of coordination. Let us know how you get on

Forgot to say, welcome to MN

I had a hitter, same age as yours, and I think they can get stuck in the habit of being the 'naughty one', just as you probably have in expecting him to do it and being annoyed with him. I am so glad I didn't get incident forms, can't imagine how many I'd have got!! My ds has no bother with soeech but for whatever reason for a good six months starting last autumn, I had to be ready at all timesto try preprevent I but coucouldn't always get there quick enough. Like your ds there was no apparent anger or frustration. I sometimes wonder did my reaction prolong things, I didn't know how to minimise it tho as was so upset at others' dcs being walloped. I didn't bother with step, just kept removing. Your ds doesn't care about step if he hits and then goes to the step..it hasn't put him off. I worked on dealing with it and moving on swiftly so it didn't get too much airtime.

We have had about 3-4 months now without it and enter baby brother -hitting resumed! ! :( Not of others and I know it's normal and difficult for him and majority of time he's gentle but I am just going to have to grit my teeth and get through it again! ! Hopefully as they get older it will finish up. Prevent if at all possible, remove and move on. Personally don't think step worthwhile but obv that's your call. And lots of positive attention-this could make the difference. Totally understand your frustration with it.