My nanny verbally abused me

[Pat2006]

My current FT live-in nanny is looking after our only baby (8months), and she is good in general. But last week, she repeated asking me if I lied to her about my baby's dummy usage and made me very angry.

In a 20mins conversation, she repeated 3 times that 'xxx, can you don't lie to me, did you give dummy to the baby while I am not here'...I felt this is very hurtful given a) this is the 2nd time she talked to me in this manner; and b) I have no intention to hide anything about my baby's dummy usage from her - why should I?! She knew that I hated dummy and we have posted a 'Limited Dummy Rule' on the wall for over 4 months now, so that everyone has to follow and help the baby to eventually quit dummy.

The reason she 'grilled' me in this abusive manner, was simply she thought my baby acted 'differently' from the previous week, and then she decided we must have given dummys to the baby all day long while she is not around!!

She is a very moody person in her late 40's, and shouted to me once for a minor miscommunication matter. For the sake of my baby, I tolerated her behavior. But I cried while she was not around...I can not get ride of her for now as I have a big work deadline in the coming weeks, but in the meanwhile, I am very angry and do not even want to look at her. What should I do to cope with this a few weeks?? I also worried if I fight back, she would do something bad to my baby or to our home (stealing etc.)

wow if this is the nanny posting as the mother and saying she is worried about the nanny doing something bad to the baby, somebody at mn admin needs to contact the owner of the computer being used for this posting and advise them accordingly.

Its actually "gross misconduct" to shout at your employer, so you have that, OP.

Rather than use that as a reason for firing her, go the gentle route and ease her out of your house.

Between now and then just try to remain professional. I know its hard we had exactly the same situation (I was wondering if it was the same terrible woman, actually) some years ago when my son was a baby.

A nanny?! Bloodyhell...I'd be greatful that in life I could even afford one.

Ffs get a grip.

I don't actually see a problem with it. As far as I can tell you and her have over the last 4 months been discussing not using a dummy and restricting it. So she is surely just checking if you have changed stance and now letting baby use all the time with you, if so she should also be doing the same surely for continuality

I'm sat here, tearing my hair out because iv got to go back to work soon. Shit scared of putting my eight month old baby into a nursery with girls that are probably hung over from their piss up the night before.

I absolutely can't afford the fees for the crap nurseries round here anyway.

Iv got to sort out before and after school care for my four year old. Can't afford that either.

Your crying because your nanny spoke to you funny? Omfg. You would know what crying is when I leave my eight month old baby with a load if strangers. When I'm ON THE BUS trying to hide my tears in front of aload of other strangers on my way to work. Then you will know what stress is.

Fuck me fire. How I would love to have a bleeding nanny who can stay at home with my baby in his own surroundings. I'd quite happily have a concerned nanny speak to me like that ANYDAY. Try pickin up your baby from a nursery and being told in the most common Manchester accent

'Yeah hes been well good, need sum more nappys tho' Then your heart will break into a thousand pieces. I know you pay your nanny well. But believe me, I'll be paying this nursery well as well...don't I just know it.

If you're really concerned she might harm your baby she needs to leave today. Surely your child's well being is more important than work.

Is it a case of you getting under each other's feet if she lives in full-time and you work part time?

You're a bit out of line really Jo. There are people around who have even more stressful lives than you, but that wouldn't give them the right to belittle your problems. Problems range from the extreme to the trivial, but they're all problems and they're all up for discussion here. What a dull and depressing site this would be if only the most serious of issues were acceptable.

Jo, if you think the carers are drunk, then this can be notified to the owners and/or OFSTED.

Unfortunately being snobby about Manchester accents is not, however, a notifiable offence. At least you have nurseries - round here in the countryside a nanny is often the only childcare people can realistically have, same if they work shifts or have two or more children close in age. No nurseries, no childminders, nothing like that for miles.

However I will give you the benefit of the doubt here as I think you are upset about going back to work and that accounts for your tunnel vision. Regardless of what sort of childcare a parent chooses, they always get unhappy if there are concerns and that needs to be respected.

Why have you posted a " limited dummy rule" on your wall?

Jo no one's life is the most stressful (well presumably one very unlucky person) so it's not right that the OP can't raise her problems just because they seem trivial to you.
Complaining that someone with a regional accent is looking after your child

OP, if you're still reading this, I think the hard time you're being given is frankly bizarre. I'd be upset and furious in equal measure if anybody I had to work closely with, let alone someone whose wages I paid, repeatedly accused me of lying to them. There is no reason at all why you should continue to tolerate this. I'd be amazed if most people would be fine with it - it's hostile, unpleasant and undermining in the extreme.
If she is fine with the baby and you have no concerns about the baby's welfare with her ( you don't state that you do), then get your work thing out of the way and then give her notice.
Unless you have a partner who could take some time off while you do your work thing, and then you could let her go sooner?
Good luck.

Blinking heck, if Manchester accents are something we should be worrying about then I'll just have to ban DH and his entire family from seeing our kids.

Better keep them off school too come to that.

Oh yeah, and stop them talking to each other.

Quite, Tinkly.

Frankly the lying thing has slight Hand That Rocks The Cradle overtones. Slight.

I do think that your nanny seems to be subtly claiming ownership of your baby OP, blurring the parent nanny boundaries somewhat.

However, as I have never had a nanny myself, I'm not really familiar with what the normal dynamic is.

The normal dynamic is that they ask what you would like to do, and if you are about to do something utterly bonkers, gently suggest that this may not be the best way forward.