How would you approach this?

[SouthWestmom]

I have three ds, middle one is ten. Older ds with asd and ocd - very hard work, teases middle ds, youngest ds and middle ds are either best buddies or worst enemies
Middle ds I am beginning to think has difficulties. Doesn't like change, obeys school rules above anything I might say, terrified of being in trouble at school. .

The issue is this: over the last few years he has reacted badly to things going wrong/not his way. Either opened a window and sat on the ledge/run out the front door/ run away in shops to the point of having to call security/ and the worst one was recently when he was screaming and refusing to get on an aeroplane.

Sorry - app working badly so can't post much at a time.
How do I approach this ? Discipline (if so, what) or Sen?

Any ideas anyone?

I think he's copying older brother to get your attention

That's interesting. I hadn't thought of that at all.

Did you get him on the plane?

When you talked with him about this afterwards what did he say was the problem?

Yes he got on the plane through force. Security man was watching as he was resisting and I was waiting for us to be stopped and thrown off. This is because the three of them wanted to sit by the window and oldest DS had been telling him he wouldn't get a turn.
In a shop he legged it after being told no to a cake for behaving badly and we had the manager and security tracking him as he ran up and down. Yesterday DH removed his arm after several warnings and 'hurt' him so he legged sit in the shop.

But what does he say about why he reacts this way?

Anxiety over change, can’t cope with things going wrong and strongly sticking to one set of rules – maybe mild autism spectrum? He may not seem at all like your DS1, ASCs vary so much.

I'm not sure about discipline for this kind of anxiety - my DS had anxiety but he lashed out rather than running away or crying when things didn't go his way so I used Explosive Child. There are people on the SN board who could probably advise more.

Thanks sorry, I can't get this on my topics list.
I do wonder if he's mildly autistic, when I write it down. He is nothing like ds1 at all which is why I don't think I've considered it at all before.
When I ask him he says he just needs to get away.