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supermarket strop, text book parenting and (yes, that old chestnut) the old bag

23 replies

hatwoman · 24/11/2006 14:00

dd has just engineered the worst supermarket trip of my life and I need to let off steam. As a "treat" (each to their own I guess) I let her have some tinned tweenies pasta. however on Fridays she usually has a packed lunch - her big sister has one so she likes having one too in her Dora bag and off she pops to find a corner of the house in which to picnic. I pointed out that this little routine wouldn't be possible with Tweenies pasta and she would have to eat in the kitchen. big scream and stamping of feet. I told her - calmly and clearly - that if she screamed again the pasta was going back on the shelf, she screamed. pasta went back on the shelf. total strop - full on throwing herself on the floor, screaming, and geting the pasta back off the shelf. For some reason I was in the right mood and really did not get at all riled, in fact I even allowed myself a small laugh when she was sprawled across the aisle. I told her that if she didn;t put the pasta back by the time I'd counted to 3 the jelly was going back as well. she put the pasta back (but continued screaming and protesting).

I then decided that it would be best to go home. told her that if she didn't come before I counted the jelly would go back. she came, but still screaming. I walked through the supermarket past all the check outs with her following me, me cool as a cucumber and in control and her still protesting (but following). Lots of sympathetic looks and - if I say it myself -I think quite a few admiring how-come-she-hasn't-lost-it looks. Until I came to Old Bag. The filthiest snottiest most disapproving look you could imagine. It tipped me over the edge and my cool cracked and I found myself saying "Staring doesn;t help you know". so she started muttering something about it (not sure what) not being very nice and that I should try to do something. I then proceeded to make a tit of myself by saying taht I was "behaving" ("behaving"? wtf was I thinking of) as best I could. The kind of nice ending is that dd had calmed down before I'd paid. Old Bag walked past us and I was able to say "you see, my method worked, she's fine now" but Old Bag probably thought I was laying the ground for repeat performances by "not doing anything". I was so close to tears over the whole thing. And then in the car I thought about the people here with kids with sn of various sorts and wondered how on earth they manage. and at that point a couple of tears. and now I feel wonderfully relieved having spouted it all here. If anyone makes it this far.

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BudaBeast · 24/11/2006 14:05

Sometimes I am glad I am in a country where I can't understand anyone in the supermarket!!!

Jimjams2 · 24/11/2006 14:07

ha ha - we don't go out (actually we do- but I only go shops with ds1 with another adult, so if someone starts we can gang up on them).

How old is she? ds3 will be like this (he already is). Did she go all rigidn on the floor? DS3 does. It's amazing!

hatwoman · 24/11/2006 14:12

she's 4 and has just found a new level of stroppiness. I think she's experimenting with reverting. it's actually quite odd when she does it - because it's not like a 2 or 3 year old - a large part of it is acting. she starts out totally acting, seeing what will happen if she stamps and screams and then, at some point she tips herself over an edge and does loose control. I give it a couple of weeks or so. It ain;t going to get her anywhere and she's quite emotionally intelligent - ie she won;t take too long to suss that it doesn't work.

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all4girlz · 25/11/2006 13:22

I symampathise my dd 3 can be a pain in the supermarket I walk away and people do stare I do not go far round the next aisle or so but the looks you get I feel like awkward sometimes when I go to asda with all 4 of them and they start with the I wants, like I should not have 4 kids if I cannnot control them iykwim .

CantWaitForTheSnow · 27/11/2006 16:39

You handled your little one perfectly. What a sham Old Bags can't be handled in the same manner .

fizzbuzz · 27/11/2006 20:20

I hope when I am old and grey, I will help any parent with tantruming child, and not mutter at them.

Why why why do people have to interfere or offer opinions on everything? If I could list all the people that had pissed me off like that, including the twat in the supermarket queue with his nifty Yorkshire Windows uniform, or next doors house painter who offered advice on putting car seat in car ....rant...rant. Why can't they all PISS OFF AND LEAVE US ALONE!

Sorry...will go quietly away now...

Eeek · 27/11/2006 20:28

You didn't have to carry her out?!!! Wow!

snowleopard · 27/11/2006 20:38

DS (18mo) actually loves going round the supermarket, but he strops about having to get into the trolley, though he's fine once in it. Last time we were having the get-in-the-trolley struggle, with elaborate kicking and screaming, a very calm old lady walked up to us, gently took hold of his legs and poked them through the right holes in the trolley, sat him down and off she went with a wink. I could have kissed her! Most old ladies rule IMO. Just a few old bags let the side down.

krimbokrackerskayzed · 27/11/2006 21:15

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

spursmum · 27/11/2006 21:20

As Misdee said to me the other day, 'How do you cope with all the stares?'
The stares are easy but if someone dares to open their trap with anything less than Hero-worship and all out praise then they get a colurful mouthful.
My favourite line to anyone is 'Are you a doctor or scientist? Do you have the cure for Autism? No? Then Fuck off and leave me to it!!'
Shallow but it makes me feel better.

NorksBride · 27/11/2006 21:23

Apparently it's quite common for children around the age of 4 to have a sort of 'last hurrah' of toddlerhood. My DD1 did it (and has sort of returned to it now she's started school and is tired and having to learn stuff that she's worried about).

Glad you had a rant. Glad I read it all! Hope you feel better now!

edam · 27/11/2006 22:09

Hatwoman, you should be basking in a job well done - not only getting a tantrumming child round the supermarket BUT making that old lady's day by giving her something to moan about. How very thoughtful of you.

If there's any justice in the world, you'll have a nice easy day tomorrow...

hatwoman · 27/11/2006 22:26

I told a friend and she said "why do people think you're asking for feedback?"

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twolittleducks · 27/11/2006 23:07

hatwoman, you go girl!!! today, dd1- 2 on friday, threw major wobbler today whilst shopping!! i was left with pram and dd2 in sling whilst dp literally chased her round the aisles in boots when she eventually ran into the prescription bit (little minx slipt under them elastic belt thing!!)....
why oh why does everyone have to stare in disbelief??!? the looks we got, anyone would have thought we were kidnapping the child despite the fact she was screaming 'dadddyyyyyy runnnnnnn' to dp!!!! ..

twolittleducks · 27/11/2006 23:08

and i agree with edam- JOB WELL DONE GIRL!!!

hatwoman · 28/11/2006 09:04

spursmum - that's a great line! yes a bit crude but immensely satisfying I shoud imagine

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moondog · 28/11/2006 09:09

lol
My sister told me (in very shamefaced fashion) how her kids were little sods yesterday after she had killed herself taking them to something that was supposed to be a treat.

As they kicked off spectacularly in the street,some Brighton crusty sloped past and said' 'Heeeey lady, chiiiiiiiill. Those kids needs some space and understanding.'

She roared 'FUCK OFF!!!!!!' at his retreating dreadlocks which seemed to shock them into behaving.

My French bil (four kids) would always ask very politely 'Ah,so you're a paediatrician then are you?' which sounds so spectacularly snotty in French.

helenhismadwife · 28/11/2006 11:23

my dd 15 months had a major strop last week when I was walking round the market, she wanted to get out of the buggy and walk, here (Im in France) the old dears were clucking over her and saying poor baby has sore teeth (her cheeks were very pink from screaming) anyway a few of the stall holders were discussing it in french, I couldnt understand a lot of the conversation but bless them they gave me a piece of paper with a teething gel written on it I actually got it and it is very good.

Today when we went again they asked how she was

with my older ones I had the old bags regularly (4 under 5!!) my favourite was would you like to take them for the day and see if you can do better???

WideWebWitch · 28/11/2006 11:27

lol hatwoman! We've all been there but I usually bundle mine up under my arm and march out, redfaced and breathless. And being kicked! Vile, innit?

You did the right thing, though, well done. Although, being a slattern, I'd have allowed the pasta anywhere in the house lol at feedback too!

WideWebWitch · 28/11/2006 11:28

was it like this (don't open if you're in an office with speakers on!)

sunnysideup · 28/11/2006 11:38

Hatwoman, WELL DONE for remaining calm, you deserve the Nobel Prize for calm and for not bopping interfering old ladies on the head.

Now I do realise that if this hadn't set your dd off, something else would have done; BUT I have to say, don't fight your battles before they arise, do you know what I mean? Don't mention to her in the supermarket about where she'll have to eat later; sometimes as adults we live in the future too much. Just stick the pasta in the trolley and don't discuss stuff that will happen later. I've learnt with my spirited and not-afraid-to-tantrum-in-public ds that I live in the moment and fight battles only when they occur!

twolittleducks · 28/11/2006 16:37

lol wickedwaterwitch.. bloody hilarious, i can just read dp mind and that is so what he is thinking when dd1 tantruming!!!

maycontainstress · 29/11/2006 15:32

Oh yes sunnysideup, I need to remember that. My mum always says I give my DTS too much information.

I recently saw a woman in Tesco with about 4 boys, ranging from age 3 to 12 yrs. Poor woman was having a hellish time as they played hide and seek in there and the youngest eventually climbed into the freezer. Poor woman. She actually just abandoned them to do her shopping after having chased them for 3 ailes to no avail.

I had DTS1 in the MOTHER of all tantrums at a farm. I would think some clever person would have filmed it, it was Oscar winning tantrum stuff. My body temperature doubled as he bucked and roared about leaving and not wanting his shoes on. I felt like crying but calmly gripped him and put his shoes on. I felt a gazillion unsmiling faces staring at me and heads shaking, I was beetroot and couldn't look up.

I suddenly felt a hand on my shoulder and looked up to see the warm smile of a woman who said

"keep breathing love"

I think I did blub after that kind touch. That is the ONLY sort of remark to make to a mother in the midst of tantrum hell.

I NEVER ever make remarks. The law of motherhood is not giving advice to other mothers, specifically in supermarkets, surely?

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