My children are tortuting me- or so it feels!!! Someone help!!!

[mumchez]

I am at my wits end with my girls at the moment-
dd1 is 2 in a weeks time and dd2 is 9 weeks!! The are driving me nuts- dd1 just is so stubborn and difficult, crying and whining and just generally being a cow!! She has always been difficult, but since dd2 has arrived, got 10x worse!! I can't seem to manage her alongside the other. DD2 just doesn't sleep- she whines all day and sleeps in 15 minute slots and when she is not overtired she is windy!!! Thing is, i try not to let her get overtired but she just fights sleeps!!

I just feel like i am the worst mother in the world- i can't get them into a routine with one another and just feel like leaving them to their dad!!! My partner shift works so it gets really lonely and feels like it's just me with these devil kids!!! And i cant control either of them!

I went shopping today only to literally go in one shop then come back home because dd1 was throwing such a tantrum whilst dd2 was screaming her head off!!!

Has anyone got any ideas as to how to routine them?? It just feels one disrupts the other all the time someone help please!!!!

Are you trying too hard?
Try taking a deep breath, take a step back and think more positively about what you have achieved.

DD2 is only a TINY BABY DD1 is still a young toddler - try not to be too hard on yourself. So, what if you got no shopping done? You still got them up, fed, dressed...

Try spending some calming time with DD1 - reading a book together, etc. Housework and all those other jobs can wait!

Try and create a calmer home, and you will become a calmer mummy with calmer kids!

You have two very young children. It is going to be really really tough going for a while but it will get better. I had bigger gaps between mine and I always take my hat off to someone who has children close together.

You are doing a brilliant job and you are a good mother. Just the fact that you have posted on here because you are concerned shows what a good mum you are.

Have you tried swaddling DD2? DS2 used to fight sleep and that used to really help him. Sling?

Have you got any spare money to get a cleaner in for a while to take the load off you at all. Something I wished I had done.

Agree with poppies. Definitely try a sling to make your life easier. And frankly you need some support from your dp. I'm sure dd1 would like some time with you just the two of you, can anyone take dd2 out for a walk in the afternoon for you? Can you do internet shopping? Are you getting out to any toddler groups so dd1 can let off some steam?

Hi mumchez, I really feel for you, ds1 was only 22 months when ds2 was born and my partner had already left. Ds1 turned into the child from hell, he obviously felt very insecure and jealous. Ds2 had very bad reflux and I spent most of the first 4 months exhausted from the constant feeding and cleaning him up, poor ds1 was really resenting the whole thing. My advice, do try to off load any house work or other domestic stuff that you can and if you can't offload it, then ask yourself what is more important, your/their sanity or a clean house? Do ask for help, wherever you can. This is always said but, try to involve dd1, my ds1 would have nothing to do with baby but would find me nappies, wipes etc and I made sure he got loads of praise for doing it. Use the TV / DVD, sit down with both, feed baby on couch next to dd1 and talk to her while feeding. Make sure dd1 gets lap time, she is constantly looking at baby in your arms, make sure she gets her time. I discovered internet shopping because of the shopping ordeal with both, it's great! If you do go shopping, explain that you need dd1 to help you keep dd2 quiet, take some little toys and let dd1 be in charge of amusing dd2, lots of praise and maybe special treat if she is at all successful. Somehow, try to settle baby and let dd1 think she is staying up late to spend time with you, enjoy half an hour with her, I know you will be knackered and frazzled but she needs it and you will benefit. I started to allow dds1 to sleep in my bed now and then as a special treat, he loved this as baby never slept in my bed but be very clear that it is a treat. Try any and everything if you are happy with it, eg. dummy for baby? The main thing I want to say is that it does get better, for the first 6 months I really regretted having ds2 while ds1 was still so young but things suddenly started to improve. Ds1 seemed to just accept one day that ds2 was here for good and ds2 started to nap for an hour or so during the day, he had only napped for 15 mins or so like your little one, when that happened I would grab ds1 and cuddle up on the couch or bed (wherever was closest to baby) and try to get him to nap with me or just relax and play cuddle games. It is so hard but really worth it, at 4 and 2.5 they are now best buddies and have been for ages,do loads together and stick up for each other, I wouldn't have it any other way. Just remember, as with everything with children "This too will pass" you are welcome to CAT me anytime.

Thanks for all your support and messages... i just seems like one 'bad day' seems to role into another!! My dd1 will, hoepfully if she settles, be going to a playgroup next week when she turns two!! I just pray she settles in ok coz she will be able to go 4 mornings for 3 hours!! She has so much energy that i really hope she settles ok, she needs time away from a tired mummy ...

DD2 wont let me swaddle, she just wriggles and wriggles with wind (tried all the remedies as well- infacol, grip etc.- no use!)... I currently have her in a sling bouncing her in any attempt for her to sleep!!! She wont have a dummy either!!

I just feel guilty for both the girls.. It's like they haven't asked to be in this situation and now they're stuck just living it ... Sorry, haveing a 'blue' day today!!!! Think the bad shopping expedition is still having its affect on me/.. Thanks for all your support though

Sorry, i just wanted to add that why is it, when your having a crap time, all you see is other mums having a great time?! Saw one very neat looking mum in the shops today, newborn in a sling and toddler sitting quietly in pram.. and theres me, looking like poo and 2 screaming babies?!?!

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Thanks pitch.. I have tried to keep dd1 routine as best as possible but she usually wakes up around 9pm in the evening after being put to bed.. Usually results in having her downstairs until i can get us all into bed because i just cant seem to give her the time without cryind dd2 around!!

Took your advice twoboys, and we have all just spent the last two hours in bed together... as a matter of fact, the girls are still asleep at the moment, i have just crept off for some tidying time :D so that one has worked out at least...

By the way pitch, the thing with the overtired baby, did u literally just put them in their cot/basket?? I tried doing that this morning after she had a little strecth, but she just cried coz she had wind.. then cried even more coz she was then too tired!!!!

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mumchez, did you sleep at all with them? Do try to get as much rest as poss. Things will seem much easier when dd1 is at playgroup, when ds1 went to nursery at 3 and it was just me and ds2, I didn't know what to do with myself, it was great, everything seemed so easy (apart from clock watching the whole time, that 3 hours will fly! You will feel better because it will give you one-one time with dd2 and so ease things there, does she fall asleep in her buggy? Can you walk to playgroup to collect dd1. If she sleeps this will give you time with dd1, if she won't (don't expect her to the first few times) she is at least safe in the pram and you can concentrate on dd1, not the best weather for this one though. Don't worry about their feelings on this whole situation, I know that sounds hard but ds1 doesn't remember a time when ds2 wasn't there, think that was happening after about 6 months. Get your partner to take sole charge of dd2 when possible and go out with dd1, don't stay at home, you will be distracted with what is going on with dd2. Agree with Pitch on sleep thing, use whatever props needed, you can weane her off anything over time and keep trying anything different will take a few attempts. Good luck with playgroup.

Thanks 4 the tips..
twoboys- i did manage to sleep a little with them whilst they slept but found myself feeling a little redundant coz i didn't sleep too long..

im looking forward 2 dd1 going to playgroup, we both will benefit i hope!

DD2 just doesnt seem 2 settle into sleep on her own .. i have had some people tell me just to leave her to cry on her own but at 9 weeks, it seems a bit harsh and i find usually makes her even worse... have tried a dummy with no sucess!!

i am currently typing in the dark as to not wake dd2 who has finally nodded off...... for now!!