bi/trilingual child

[suzanna12]

Hello !
Me and my boyfriend are in the process of starting a brand new family but have some concerns over languages, so hope someone can help :)
I speak French, my bf Swedish, but since neither of us speak fluently the other's language, English is our home language (we live in Sweden for now but have plans to move to France, so no English speaking environment in sight).
We have read a little around and saw that the main focus should be on making sure 1 language = 1 person and not mixing languages when talking to the child. But would that work too if the parents talk to each other in a 3rd language? Tbh this isn't something we can do something about, no matter what we will have to use English between us, but we wonder how that might influence or not the child's language development.
Thanks in advance if anyone that give us some insight :)

DH and I have raised our son (7) bilingually using OPOL one parent one language method. Bit easier for us as DH and I communicate in my language (English). You might find things easier with your huusand focusing on your local-for-now country language plus you communicating solely in home language (English) because so much early language development seems to come from immersion and imitation and the point of OPOL is segregating the languages I think. Just an idea.

Whatever way you go about it, it's incredibly worthwhile and I do believe makes the brain more receptive to additional languages so maybe wait until you move to France before introducing that one as well? You will be fine. Good luck!

You have a good situation here. You speak together in English, you speak alone to DS in French, and DH speaks Swedish alone. If you are moving from Sweden, that last one will be very important to make the child trilingual. Daddies sometimes feel a bit silly prattling in a language only the baby can listen to but it is very important. Read books to the baby, you can use the same book and just translate from English as you go.

There is a facebook group, parents of bilingual children, that connects parents like us together and is really helpful. Lots of knowledge and shared experience on there.

You will probably find your child mixes a lot of the languages together at the beginning and will show a preference for the one they hear the most. They may also speak a little later. Don't correct if they use a word in English when you are speaking in French, it takes a while to understand context. None of that is a problem. You just have to be consistent from birth and it will all come together!

Lucky baby!

Hey :) thank you for your answer, great to see others managed ;) Tbh it is not an option for us to delay French or Swedish, because my parents don't speak swedish/english, and his parents don't speak french/english :/ So if we were to drop Swedish or French, one set of grandparents would not be able to communicate with their grandchild :(
That is why we are a bit worried, because our child sort of must be able to communicate in both Swedish and French, but at home, we speak English with each other... I have quite a good level but not fluent in Swedish (so not enough for day-to-day interactions), and DH speaks more or less no French whatsoever...

@TheOddity: So do you think the child will pick up English even though neither of us will use it when speaking directly to the child? Wouldn't that create language confusion?
At least we won't have to pretend, since I can barely understand small children's Swedish (which is awkward like for any small child) and DH just cannot understand any French whatsoever (he promised to learn when we get the baby, but I am not fooled, baby will learn faster) !
May I ask which facebook group you are talking about? Would be very interesting to join :)

I would say if you are going to move to france, then YOU speak in English with your partner and your child, your partner speaks in swedish and the child will learn French from their environment outside the home (kindergarten or school) the may not learn French straight away but they will pick it up quickly, then in the first 3 years they will only be fully using 2 languages and the third will come into play later. My son spoke no German when he started kindy at 3 but in 6 weeks was conversing quite happily, as he had been exposed to outside the house for a longtime although not using it.

I had a friend who was trilingual - English and German parents (both spoken in the home) and they lived in France, so educated in French. The kids spoke a kind of salad of all three when chatting amongst themselves, picking whichever phrase best expressed what they wanted to say, but perfectly capable of conversing in any of the three when required. Don't know if it's linked, but friend was also properly ambidextrous and could write with one hand while drawing with the other in lectures....

We live in France so DD 4yo has French from her environment, we talk to her in English which is her preferred language at the moment and we speak to each other in Greek which DD somehow understands all by herself. We also mix the languages, a lot of Greenglish with some French words thrown in and it doesn't seem to confuse her. One parent, one language is recommended by a lot of people but mixed speaking of languages is also quite common.

Thanks for all the tips and ideas everyone :) I guess we will have to see what works for us mostly, also depending on if we end up moving or not. Will be an exciting journey regardless ! ;)

Yes. I would keep French/English for you for now and switch to Swedish/English when you move to France.

It doesn't matter if you speak to each other in English. Just stick to your own language when you speak to her. I wouldn't rely on her learning English through inference.

I'm in a group called Raising Multilingual Children, anyone can request to join. :)

we use OPOL but communicate to each other as parents in English. Seems to be working fine so far (he's 2) he says stuff in both languages. Kids are very flexible. My cousins did OPOL English/Portuguese and they lived in Venuartu. Kids picked up all 3 languages...

My husband and I have different mother tongues and speak to each other in either language. We live in his home country and I've been speaking to my DD in my language for the last 6 months. She's 3 so I started quite late. However, the speed with which she's learning it is amazing, to a point where she now automatically speaks to me in my language and to her dad in his, which she's fluent in anyway. I attended a seminar held by a language learning specialist, Tracey Tokuhama Espinosa, and it was very enlightening. What's important is adopting a logical strategy and remaining consistent (so mixing languages is not recommended). Also, input is output so your child will learn whatever she hears and the quality and quantity of what she hears will determine what she learns. She also stressed that there isn't one single strategy and that the OPOL is just one of the common ones. She gave the example of a family where the parents used OPOL with their baby, the half-siblings used another language amongst themselves and with the baby, and English was the family language as no one spoke all languages. The baby, when he went to school, spoke his step-siblings' language really well! Find one that works for your family and stick with it. You could have, say, a language for each parent and then a family language when you're in a larger family group. The fact there's a distinction of some sort - parent/situation - make sense for the child and 'separates' the languages. Distinction can even be you speaking to your child mostly in your main language and then doing story time in a third/ fourth language. This lady was very good at explaining all this as I was starting to panic that my child would be monolingual but we've turned things around. Get a copy of her book and if you don't have too much time, just focus on these areas. I was skeptical but that was some of the best money I ever spent. Highly recommend her. Oh, and relax, children learn so fast when they're very young. Wishing you the best of luck.

Each child is different. DD1 OPOL 200%. She wouldn't speak to me in French which was awkward as we live in France. DD2 only spoke in French but understood English. She couldn't see the point as everyone understood French. We ended up getting an English child minder to crack that nut. Just speak your languages with DC and get sky TVor similar and have all kids tv in English. We also did English audiobooks. DC2 is more likely to be an issue.

Sorry just came back to this thread. It is like cracking a nut! You will find they have a preference, whatever they hear most of. That may change as they start school, dependent on where they live, if they are in an environment with grandparents etc. Having a trilingual child isn't a magical thing, it does take some thought and work and adjustment. As long as you are aware and committed, you and your DH have all you need to make a trilingual child. All it takes is conversation and books really, but that doesn't mean it's easy! The key thing is, the more you talk in all three languages, even if you only use some of those languages in certain situations (english in the morning, french in the afternoon) the more they learn. It is all about the input.