Two year old - sleep, speech & potty training worries

[Feckadeck]

DS is 22 months and has no words other than mama, dada and duck. All of which he's been saying for months. He does babble loads and has lots of sounds and is starting to do animal sounds. He understands loads I think eg behind, under, food types, wash hands, bath, "give ball to daddy", "bring mummy your shoes" type instructions etc etc. in fact no real issues with our communication rarely struggle. So none of that was worrying me as assume he developed actual speech in own time until I did a quiz and apparently I should be seeing a speech therapist as he's behind!! Should I be worrying?!

Second issue is I think he's ready for potty training as points to nappy, understands toilet concept, isn't scared of it etc. Any advice before I start?! I feel unreasonably nervous to start!

Guess my last issue is he doesn't sleep well. Never had. Is loads better now often only waking once in night and maybe 530am he's up. I still breastfeed him and admit I am responsible for his poor evening sleeping as he wont go to sleep without me or rather my boobs! It's restrictive to say the least as he wont settle for anyone else. We have left him once with grandparents and he did sleep eventually. His dad's tried a few times but no takes ages and I feel he gets too upset and I don't like him crying his head off and making himself ill. I think maybe I need to leave DH to it and let him settle DS without him relaying on my milk. He gets night feed and comes into our room when wake 530 and feeds on and off early morning (also settled with fees of wakes in night). I feel like I failed him as haven't taught him to get to sleep on his own. How can I change it now at almost two without causing him a lot of distress?

Then I was wondering about order. Should I work on sleep or potty training first or both together? I k ow he wont be dry at night under current routine because he's having too much milk so lots of night pee.

Sorry so long. I just feel lost and a bit of a shit mum right now.

He does sound like he is very much a "baby". I do not mean to be harsh,(and you are NOT a shit Mum) but I would stop feeding. I fed DD2 too long and deeply regretted it. I stopped at 2. However, DD2 potty trained fine at 2.5 yrs and was dry at night fairly quickly afterwards. Boys tend to be a bit later so I would not worry about potty training if he is not yet two. That would be very early in my view. DD1 was three! She was bright in other ways!

Regarding his upset when he cannot be fed by you any longer - you do really just have to grit your teeth. Mine refused any sort of bottle or feeder, hence the prolonged length of breast feeding, so went straight to a mug/cup. Does your DS accept a bottle or feeder cup? I would try and get him to accept a bottle or cup and keep giving a drink at night to settle him. Just not breast feeding. Don't offer the breast in the morning either. My DD2 was awful with a baby sitter and grandma, but we just persevered. Howled for ages. No life for you if you don't!

I would work on the sleeping aspect too. Why does he come into your room? Is he not in a cot? Will he not stay in the cot? Mine were not in a bed at this age. I think I would have continued to use a cot for longer and he needs to be able to amuse himself if he wakes up, in his own room. He obviously does not need anything in the night, so waking up is a habit. I think putting him back into bed, repeatedly, saying nothing to him, might be best. Although I know it is hard. My DD2 who would not go to bed repeatedly woke her sister by her crying. If you just have the one DS, keep trying to get him back to bed, silently, and do not feed him.

I think you may find his babble turns into short sentences before too long. He is not yet two! My bright DD was saying loads of sentences at 22 months but my Dsis's DS was very slow to speak but is a child genius now! Well nearly! Lots of boys can be slower at this too. I really would not worry for at least another 4 months. You know he is understanding you. He just needs to form the words. They will come. Also, do not worry. You are fine. You just might be expecting a bit much too soon.

MillyMollyMama thank you for taking the time to reply. I do feel better reading your response and having calmed myself down. I think I just feel overwhelmed and that everything is too much and going badly when really it's probably relatively normal!

I think you are right about stopping feeding. I've known for a while and been ready myself but I feel bad to just stop him having that comfort when he's always had it. And it is comfort now as he eats very well so no issues there. I'll have to bite he bullet and be done with it. I said I'd stop when he was 2 year or well before but time seems to be flying in. I think maybe once he's stopped he'll sleep better as he's so reliant on my to get to sleep. He is in a toddler bed and that is working fine as his cot was getting a bit small plus I can settle him easier in a bed and it's easier when his dad tries too. He's never stayed in his room alone when he awakes. He use to cry for me when he was in cot and even if I left him longer than I'd normally do (like in middle of night when I was so tired I didn't want to move!!) he's just get more and more upset. I haven't left any toys in hai room as feel he gets distracted when trying to settle him to sleep. I don't know if he'll stay in room I got a groclock but think he's too young yet. I'd like to stop feeding in morning but at 5am or so it's just easier to give him a free access and both of us can nod off for a bit more sleep! Probably not helping longer term I realise. I do think he's ready to potty train but maybe not when trying to change his sleep and stop him feeding.

Thanks re the speech. I really wasn't worried until I read that article and quiz as he seems to have good understanding. I should have known better than to read articles and books like that - I quit them and baby mags when he was a few months after driving myself insane. Thanks for reply.

Sorry meant to add that he's always refused a bottle but does take water fine from his beaker and a cup and straw. He won't accept cows milk though which I'll have to work on I guess when stop breastfeeding.

Just another perspective.

I fed my ds until 2.5 and have no regrets about it, he gave up gently and easily when he was ready. However, he also was a bad sleeper and co slept from 9 months until 2, so at 2 I night weaned him. He retained his 'comfort' bedtime milk for another 6 months until he swapped it for a cup (took only a week in the end once I decided to make the change), but he did start sleeping through in his own bed. Might night weaning be an option for you? It is a bit gentler than total weaning, especially when it is so important to them, but also serves as a 'first step' and makes weaning easier IME. Google Jay Gordon night weaning for some methods. I found them useful, and you can adapt them to your own situation.

My dd is currently 18 months and still breast feeding quite a bit, and comes in when she wakes. She is just starting to go longer in her bed (toddler bed also), starts the evening in it, wakes at midnight, then back in until 4 or five. I'm happy to continue with this as she needs it though, and from my experience with ds I'm more relaxed about it because I know it does all work out eventually

What I'm saying is, he's still young, you can take your time, each phase seems worrying when your in the middle of it, but they do grow up and move on more easily than you think, with some encouragement, so don't worry! Also I think teething can play a huge part in comfort feeding around this age, and when they don't have this and can do more generally they do become less interested.

As for speech, that sounds within the realms of normal to me - they do tend to develop in bursts, you may find his word count suddenly explodes. Just keep doing all the normal things, songs, books etc, and you can always talk to your HV for reassurance. I think it varies widely what children are able to do verbally and physically at this age, they all go at different rates.

Potty training - it sounds like he is getting some awareness which is great - I would introduce the concept but let him go at his own pace. My ds had no notion of wet and dry and didn't train until 3.5, did it very quickly and with no problems, despite a lot of angst on my part over the preceding year
My dd at 18 months has already done wees in the potty, and knows when she's wet and needs changing. I am offering her the potty at changes but she is still so young we are taking it slowly.

Anyway, a lot of waffle there hope some of its useful