is she shy?

[misdee]

dd2 has started acting very strangley lately. she just wont look at people. she will go very still, head slightly down and watch them either from the side or looking up thro her eyelashes. she wont let anyone else touch her apart from me and dh, and sometimes her grandparents. she wont let mieow near her and she has always been around mieow. if anyone tries to lift her, or touch her she will scream and hit out and gets very worked up.

This isnt all the time tho, in shops she is cheery and plays up to people, but then she does also hide at times then. sometimes i can do a whole shopping trip with her resting her head on her arms watching the floor go past.

she is 20months.

Bumping this up for you!

thank you.

she is currently sitting on the chair beside me tracing spidaermans webs on his suit.

I remeber a thread a while ago about her going still or something, do you have any other children to compare her too? Or your sisters children?

she has an older sister who is generally an outgoing child, but has bouts of, well not shyness, but nervousness in new situations but will evenutually join in. dd2 however isnt worried about new activities (as long as i am there) in fact tries to break into dd1 nursery when we go to pick her up even going to sit down at the table and grabbing craft things. but as soon as someone tries to talk to her or make eye contact she will freeze. she just wont move, wont look up, will look for me out of the corner of her eyes to find me, then will stand by me still looking down and not moving. I know some kids are shy and nervous, i was a shy child, wouldnt speak to many people but i didnt go completely still. i want to help her so much, but if try to coax her to look at other people or anything she will have a huge tantrum, kicking screaming, sobbing, punching and takes ages to calm her down. she wont even let mieow strap her in the car seat or hold her and whilst i lock the door.

HMMM, well roll on someone with a toddler the same age..my dds are 6 and 3 now, the difference between them is remarkable, the oldest one has been a constant drain on my patience and sleep, the younger one has been a breath of fresh air.
Theres a little girl at my dds nursery who climbs under her mums skirt if you even smile at her so I know your not alone!

please can anyone help? i hate telling people that she just wont speak to them, its not their fault its just the way she is. i know mieow gets upset as she thinks dd2 doesnt like her.

My dd does this too. She's 19 months. I call it 'playing dead.' Whenever someone she for some reason doesn't like the look or sound of tries to speak to her she puts her head on one side and looks down and doesn't move a muscle. She first did it about a month ago when a v. loud animated woman spoke to her at the bus stop and was grabbing hold of her hand. I kind of didn't blame her as the woman was very in your face. But she does it a lot with old men (more with men in general actually) and people who seem to trouble her in some way. I don't know if it's a sign of shyness, dp and I are very shy, always have been, so with dd I wouldn't be surprised. She also does it when there's a noise she doesn't like, i.e.if one of the neighbours are drilling or banging, she lies with her head on my knee not moving and not lifting her eyes. I'm personally not worrying about it (yet!) because I imagine it's a perfectly normal developmental thing and is in a way very sensible on their part to be wary of somethings / people.

thank godness someone elses child does this too. i have never seen an extreme reaction like this b4 and it shocks me. its like they are a statue. i remember a little boy on the child of our times series doing this, but have never encountered it with my 2, or any of my numerous cousins, neices or nephews.

Although my dd wasn't quite as extreme (that isn't really the word I want to use but can't think of any other) in her reactions, I do kwym, Misdee. I think it's almost like an animal defensive mechanism, in that some creatures like rabbits will just freeze if they feel in danger. If you react to it too much she will learn that it's a good way of getting attention from you and that could perpetuate the habit. I think she'll grow out of it eventually as she comes to understand that other people mean no harm and in fact are rather interesting!

misdee, my dd still does that at times and she is 3. She has done it for a while and i think she's coming out of it now.
She used to blush, stare at a spot in the distance and just be VERY still.

I think another way to think of it is that it's really a very understandable thing though logically of course it doesn't work. I mean they are afraid / troubled by something and think that if they go still and quiet it won't notice them. They're sensible to not want to draw attention to themselves from people / things that scare them. But of course being little egotists they don't realise that they are still visible to others even though they think they're not.

Sorry that's a real ramble isn't it.

Honestly I wouldn't worry I think it just shows that your dd is a sensitive, careful little person.

thank you for putting my mind at rest. reassuring to know when one of my sisters (not mieow) said 'whats wrong with lolly' as she was sitting at the table head down ignoring any attempt they made to get her attention.

I used to be really shy wheni was little, that if someone spoke to me i would cry. I am still shy today, but not as bad as i was.

I thought about you misdee at the weekend as I met a friend with a little girl, 2.5, who also does the 'playing dead' thing. She did it exactly as you describe your dd doing, stood completely still with her head and eyes down. Her mom said she'd been doing it for around 6 months. So there's another normal healthy child example for you!

well we had fun this morning. we all had to see the dentist. again it was a case of head down, mouth tightly shut and wouldnt look up at the dentist. ah well, will give it time.

My dd (18 months) has the opposite reaction - she screams and cries when anyone she doesn't know, speaks or looks at her (shop assistants, little old ladies, other mums at playgroup, etc.). Just been to Clarks for a shoe fitting and she screamed the whole place down before the shop assistant had even touched her feet. She's quite clingy and is often like this with family (we don't live close to any family so when we do see them it's often an uphill struggle).

I'm starting to worry now - Am I doing something wrong? Should I be forcing her to interact more with other people (we do playgroup one morning a week, indoor playground one morning a week, lots of outings to farm, zoo and park at weekends) - having a bit of a "moment" - lost faith in my parenting abilities ... any advice on this?

My dd's 19 months and I take her to playgroups, museums, to visit friends with kids etc. and she's fine with all that stuff. But she is very scared of strangers behaving in unusual ways and doesn't like odd noises either. She freezes just like you've described misdee.

Misdee, my dd (2) often goes very still and frowns/looks down when she is feeling insecure ie. like being dropped off at nursery sometimes. It's painful to see sometimes - but I think she is starting to grow out of it as her confidence increases/she's able to communicate more.

ps BabyPom, please don't worry. Am sure your dd will grow out of this soon. My dd also HATEs shoe fittings. She is very aware of her personal space and hates strangers invading it. Your dd sounds the same.
By the way, all the children on this thread are girls!!!! Must be something in that!