6m old baby miserable since birth. Going insane.

[ProudlymadeinSA]

Hello. My beautiful, amazing, desperately wanted and much loved baby daughter is a nutter. Total fuss bum. Stress head extraordinaire. She has basically been unhappy since birth and whines/moans/cries most of the day.

I have taken her to the doctor a million times and no one can find anything wrong with her. She does reflux but has always gained weight well. We tried giving her meds for a while but she spat them out. I do have a sense that she is physically uncomfortable/frustrated but can never pin point it.

She does have happy moments and smiles, giggles and enjoys some toys. But for about a millisecond at a time. It still feels like a huge achievement when we have a grizzle free hour. That is extremely rare.

She is in a routine and sleeps through. We have started solids which is going well. We do baby massage, go to baby groups, go swimming, read books, have quiet calm times and I sing nursery rhymes endlessly. I used to get 2 minutes of quiet by sticking on c beebies but now it's more like 20 seconds.

She is almost always angelic in public which on the one hand is great, but on the other drives me crazy because no one believes that she is a miserable cry baby 99% of the time at home.

Everyone said 'oh, she'll grow out of it at 3 months' but here we are at 6 months and I am actually desperate to go back to work (even though I'm not wild about my job) just so I can have a break. That makes me so sad - this should be such a special time.

Can anyone reassure me that she won't be a miserable sod her whole effing life? Is there anything that it could be that I haven't thought of? (Please don't mention teething! I know when she is teething and it's twice as bad as normal.)

Thanks

Some babies just don't seem to like being babies. My eldest wasn't really very contented. She was desperate to be moving and became so much happier when she could.

My recommendations would be: go out every day and see people you like that you don't feel judged by. Plan when you are going to go back to work so that you know you have an end point of some kind of change. If you have a partner, plan time without your daughter at the weekend/when they are able to be there with her (even just for an hour to read a book or go for a run or whatever).

I have found life better once I went back to work both times, about 9-10 months. I parent better part time! I find kids just get more interesting and fun too.

I have also used a wrap or carrier a lot with my second and found it really calms him down and enables me to get on with other things/go out for a walk when he just wants to be held, but I know that's not everyone's cup of tea.

Have you tried a chiropractor? Just wonder as she is more comfortable when she's in the buggy that it may be she is a bit "out of kilter" from the birthing?

My eldest was like that but it did improve when we got into weaning proper so I think he was slightly hungry beforehand. I hate to tell you but he is now at 12 still very sensitive and quick to emotions. Some children are just like that if everything else has been discounted.

I discovered he was a lot better outside the house than in so we did lots of activities, he also liked going places with minimalist decoration, like he was being overstimulated in our house.

I went back to work pt at around 8 months and was therefore better equipped to deal with it.

My youngest was like this. Reflux but putting on weight fine. Turned out it was cmpi and once off dairy aged one was a different child! Worth a try...

Try and keep baby upright in the day and after feeding. Put a towel under the mattress to help wind/acid during the night. I found suddenly being silly helped change the mood, even moving to the garden or upstairs.

I would put baby in a sling more often. Everyone used to say ds2 was such an easy baby as they never saw him cry, which is true. In a sling or sleeping next to us he was happy as Larry, if we attempted to put him down he screamed. So he basically became attached permanently to dh or I until around 1 year old as that's where happy. He's a super confident and happy 4 year old now

Cut out dairy? Worked for my ds. Different baby afterwards.

My DS2 was like this - he just didn't seem to enjoy being a baby at all! He also had awful reflux, which I think was a lot of the problem. As he got older it lessened and he got much more cheerful as a result. He didn't sleep well (due to reflux but also v light sleeper) and I think he was just tired all the time too.

The good news is that by the time he was a year old, he had gradually become more mobile. As he could sit up and move, the reflux was much better - solids helped too. He was much less frustrated - also when he learned to talk a bit that definitely helped as he is a bossy monkey and likes to tell us what to do. Now people tell me he is genuinely the happiest little boy they've met - he's all sunshine and smiles. They don't believe he spent about ten months crying and whinging constantly!

Some babies are just like this - and it is really, really hard work - so I do sympathise a lot.

DS was a very miserable baby. Day and night, he cried and whined relentlessly. He too had reflux but with good weight gain so the Dr / HV weren't interested in helping.
In hindsight, he was uncomfortable. He grew out of the whining / crying at around 12 months, when weaning was very well established and he was more mobile.

He's now 3 years old and is a happy, easy-going little chap.

You poor thing. It is really hard. I think often harder if the baby was much longed for, it somehow feels more of a difficult admission that it's hard going. I have no personal experience but a friend used a cranial osteopath for her baby and was very pleased with the results.

Thanks all. So nice to have messages of support. Forgot to mention we tried cutting out dairy, a chiropractor (which she thought was great fun, naturally), and we do a fair bit of baby wearing. I guess it's just a waiting game, while trying to enjoy as much of this time as possible. It's all made a bit harder because I had hyperemesis while I was pregnant and I do feel there is some injustice in having a crap pregnancy AND a difficult baby. Also my sister is currently pregnant and loving every second of it and i just know will have an easy baby. Not that i am bitter about that at all. But it is what it is and I know many women would give their right leg to have a baby. Thanks again.

My baby cried relentlessly day and night and it was a nightmare. He is an adult now but a couple of years ago he was diagnosed as a coeliac......cannot tolerate gluten. I had never even heard of it when he was small. It could be that your DD has some sort of intolerance to something she is eating/drinking.

My oldest was an incredibly difficult baby - allergic to milk proteins, silent reflux, needed a lot of attention and stimulation, hardly slept in the day. Got better once she was mobile but she still required a lot of attention.

We put her in nursery three times a week from 11/12 months and she loved it - she has always been very sociable and we probably should have done it even earlier. Is that an option for you? Some babies and toddlers do just need an awful lot of stimulation, are not good at entertaining themselves, and do better when there is plenty going on around them. (It was quite a shock when I got a calmer baby second time round, who could be left to play with toys in his own while I got on with things!)

DD is 14 now - she was a difficult child all the way through to adolescence tbh (assessed for hyperactivity/ attention deficit in primary school) but she is now a truly delightful teenager!

BF had an easy baby and couldnt understand my difficult first... then she had DD ,.. tables turned!!!

my ds was constantly grizzly until he learnt to crawl, around 7/8 months. until then he would scream the place down unless he was being carried and shown things constantly.

hang in there, a lot of things change over the next few months.

You've told us the answer already - your baby gets bored at home, and enjoys being out and about! She's not a miserable sod, she's not an unhappy person, she's a curious little human with a desire to explore the world. The solution is to take her out as much as possible; fresh air, exercise (as she becomes mobile you can take her to playparks) and lots of interesting things to look at. She'll be happier, you'll be happier, so it's a win-win!

And please stop calling your daughter a miserable crybaby! I know you love her and are just feeling fed up, but your choice of words matters. You are your daughter's advocate, and she didn't ask to be born. She is here because you wanted to become a mother. Good luck; hopefully things will become much easier going forward.

I can just give you my 2p worth.

PFB was a truly miserable baby (we have mad pictures of her at 12 weeks in the middle of the blooming night because she was smiling and playing for a few mins- it was that rare!). She started nursery and I went back to work PT at 5 months and it was an embarrassing relief to have " time off" . Something changed at the point she sat up, started to shuffle and use both hands to get into everything. She became delightful and actually it has lasted - she's now 22!

Some babies are miserable sods! Mine was even miserable out and about, though a bit less so at nursery with other babies.

Good luck (((()))))

My baby was a miserable little thing! She was always the one crying at baby groups etc. She got better the more milestones she met; sitting up, crawling, standing and around 12mo walking. Now at 2.8 she is very verbal very mobile and very cheerful (although can throw a tantrum like there's no tomorrow)

This might sound ridiculous but it sounds like you are over stimulating her. Does she ever have any down time, alone? Supervised of course, but at a distance?

My DS is 19 months and sometimes I get the impression he just wants to be alone in his cot/ high chair for ten mins. They are only human after all!

Try a cranial osteopath. It TRANSFORMED my friend's DD.

another vote for cranial osteopathy and try again with the reflux meds.

She sounds bored. Ds was like this and grizzled most of the day until he could crawl. Now he can explore by himself he's much happier. It's novelty children of this age love, so they get fed up of their own toys and usual surroundings.

How is her movement?

Mine is a bit like that. Now nearly 9 months and slowly getting better but so much harder work than my toddler was at the same age. I just think some babies are like that. Apparently I was a pretty miserable baby until I was a bit mobile...