Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

Flip

Original poster

DS can't walk past younger sister without hitting out at her, is this behaviour common among siblings.

21 replies

GILLIAN74 · 21/11/2006 20:03

Can anyone help... DS (2.8) cannot seem to be in the same room as DD (1.1) without hitting her. I expected some little fights amongst them but I'm beginning to feel that DS behaviour is getting out of control. It started with hitting and pushing now it's punching and throwing toys at her. Only today I managed to stop him from hitting her on the head with toy farmyard building which he was holding above her head as I reach out to grab it he was still trying to hit her on the head, another thing I noticed today was DS covering DD mouth with his hand (very alarmed by this).
Can someone tell me if this is just normal behaviour among siblings, this behaviour is new to me with DS he was always happy to play along with DD. Also should I be prepared for this to continue for a while longer and if so how much longer. Any feedback would be great at this stage.

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

MarsLady · 21/11/2006 20:07

Yeah common. The DTs are at it. Though it seems to be tailing off. I go for distraction and saying sorry! If necessary I put them in separate rooms.

My mantra is...

This too will pass. It is a phase! This too will pass............

Pitchounette · 21/11/2006 20:16

Message withdrawn

Rummum · 21/11/2006 20:18

my two are 10 and 8... they're still like this now! I think its common... although MIL is an only child and thinks its terrible... Hubby is also an only child...

JiminyCricket · 21/11/2006 20:18

DD1 (3) does it a bit, often she just taps dd2 (1.3) on the head a bit over excitedly, or pushes because she is a bit protective of her personal space. I find ignoring works well with smaller squabbles or pushes if its mostly happening when you are there (to get your reaction). This also seems to be helping dd2 learn to stand up for herself. I use time out for any hitting/deliberate violence, and this seems to reduce it and tells her its not acceptable. I think its totally normal and they are probably sooo jealous of the sibling. The hand over the mouth thing I would really crack down on, but thats only because I watched that episode of casualty where the toddler pressed a teddy over the baby's mouth to stop him crying and it made me totally paranoid.

Pitchounette · 21/11/2006 21:30

Message withdrawn

bananaloaf · 21/11/2006 21:33

ds1 is 3.5 and ds2 8 months. poor ds2 has had his face squashed into the floor upteen time, poked, prodded, farm animal being chucked pushed, pulled, you name it.

Fauve · 21/11/2006 21:47

I would mount a campaign to deal with it, by giving ds loads and loads of attention whenever he's nice to his sister and going really over the top in saying what a kind, loving brother he is, at every opportunity, especially in front of other people. It's a form of brainwashing Also, there are loads of kids' books you can get, eg from the library, about having a brother or sister and how annoying etc it is, which is a good way to let your ds talk about his feelings (which are obviously rather strong). We had a nice, but old, book called 'Matthew and the new baby'; there's also a pair of picture books called 'I Can' and 'Me Too' - I would borrow whatever your library can find for you, and read them to ds. Also, can you point out the advantages of having a baby sister, even though in some ways it's horrible for him? I used to go on about how much the baby loved ds, how she admired him, etc - I was completely making it up.

Original poster

GILLIAN74 · 21/11/2006 21:58

Rummum I do get the feeling that this may just be the beginning for my DCs.
I do put DS on step or out of room when he goes too far which worked at first, now no difference. The hand over mouth has really scared me, probably have nightmares tonight.
DS not starting nursery until march 07 am i wrong in thinking that if things don't settle that they may well do when he begins nursery school.

OP posts:

Original poster

GILLIAN74 · 21/11/2006 22:07

Fauve thanks for the reminder of the library think that a book on being a big brother would be great.
When dd is sleeping which could be anything around 1 to 2 hours I spend time with ds reading, drawing, games etc. The minute it stops he does not like it.
Will focus on the positive play and try hard to stay calm around the negative.

OP posts:

misstimms · 21/11/2006 22:17

my DS (2.10)did an awful lot of hitting his very new baby sister about a month after she arrived he was 2.8 then.Things are getting better,we were very firm with him by saying NO you do not hit, using the naughty step and showering DD with love and attention whilst ignoring DS post hit. All very frustrating and upsetting, but it eventually worked. However, I am one of four and we all regularly used to thump each other and we (as grown up adults) all love each other very much now

Fauve · 21/11/2006 22:19

The positive reinforcement really helps. People would ask me how my two got on, and if either one was in earshot, I would go on about how well they played together, how nice they were to each other - sometimes that was barefaced lying, and people might have thought me boastful, but I do think it helped, I think they began to believe it, and anyway, at least they knew I appreciated the efforts they WERE making. We've always gone overboard in telling ds how much we appreciate his putting up with dd, because it really is very hard for him. I tell him he'll be glad when he's a grown-up - she will always be there to help him out - and actually I cite his grandad who is very close to, and supported by, his sister in their old age. Good luck, I'm sure you'll get it sorted.

Original poster

GILLIAN74 · 21/11/2006 22:38

Fauve what a line to use about going overboard and telling ds how much you appreciate him putting up with dd. DD has been a difficult baby crying a lot from birth. DS would play good when I would be trying to calm baby maybe this is what my ds is looking for and that maybe appreciation for putting up with all the stresses that came with dd are a long time in coming. Many thanks.

OP posts:

Pitchounette · 22/11/2006 09:03

Message withdrawn

sydneygirl · 22/11/2006 09:05

You are not alone. As Marslady says, this will pass.

JiminyCricket · 22/11/2006 19:49

dd1 LOVES it when we tell the baby off. Her behaviour improves instantly. We do it a lot

SittingBull · 22/11/2006 21:47

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Original poster

GILLIAN74 · 24/11/2006 19:16

Sittingbull I've taken note of the fews posts from others and I have to agree being positive seems to be working it is still early days but over the past few days I've stayed calm with DS trying not to go overboard when ds is hitting DD, also telling DD off for little silly things seems to work, (he had this little smile on his face like he was enjoying DD being told off).

The one thing I have noticed is the more one on one time we spend together usually when DD is sleeping the more he hits her when she is around after her naps, so I've change my routine slightly some of the time the three of us play for a period of time, then DD naps DS plays alone and other times with messing play (painting etc) is now the only time I spend with DS on my own.

Time will tell if this works but by asking for other mums advice has really helped me by looking not just at his behaviour but the way in which i react to him. Still early days but very positive that we will all get through this stage. Thanks again for all your advice.

OP posts:

poppiesinaline · 24/11/2006 19:26

When DD reached about 6 months and became mobile and able to 'interfere' with DS1's toys, the trouble started. He used to pick her up and drop her on her head when he thought I wasnt looking

It was a phase. It passed. It passed.

Original poster

GILLIAN74 · 24/11/2006 19:34

Poppiesinaline how long was the phase.

OP posts:

poppiesinaline · 24/11/2006 19:39

Cant remember really. I think it just went from that phase to another.... him hitting her, her hitting back...

now they just argue

and occasionally kick

or punch

This is too a phase... it'll pass, it'll pass....

PeachyClair · 24/11/2006 19:39

here

Tis the chat on MN with Christopher Green eons ago, post from clairgod (ie me before I married LOL)- relevant advice

Flip