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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

Dummies - advice needed!

87 replies

xmasstocking · 21/11/2006 11:19

I sometimes use a dummy to help my 18-week old son to get to sleep - both for naps and at night. He never has the dummy any other time and he doesn't need it every nap or night - he can get himself to sleep - but other times he won't sleep without it.

My problem is that although he 'sleeps through' from 7pmish to 7amish he does wake up once or twice a night, usually about 5ish, and starts whinging and I have to put his dummy in otherwise he doesn't go back to sleep. Putting his dummy in works everytime (although it sometimes takes a couple of goes becasue he spits it out before he is fully asleep). At the moment, it is fine as he is in a crib at the bottom of our bed so I can just crawl to the bottom of our bed, put the dummy and go back to bed - however, thinking ahead, we want to move him to his own nursery asap but as it is at the moment, I will be going back and forwards across the landing 2 or 3 times a night which I don't really want to do.

Has anyone any advice, experience etc which could help me settle him without his dummy - problem is he settles instantly with it so hardly disturbs our sleep so it it definitely the easier option.

Sorry for the long post. TIA for any help.

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Original poster

xmasstocking · 23/11/2006 08:33

WTF?? How can she criticise you for giving your DS a dummy? Don't you just love MILs

OP posts:

cruisemum1 · 23/11/2006 09:41

Xmasstocking - re: dummy - I really wouldn't worry about the 5am dummy thing. Soon he will extend his sleep to 6 or 7 anyway (hopefully!) and then it won't matter. Also he will probably be able to put it in his own mouth soon enough and maybe then he will decide that he can't be bothered and give it up! I appreciate your concern though - trudging across the landing in winter is no fun at all - esp if you find it hard to get bak to sleep yourself. Could you not leave him in your room slightly longer?

maxwellsmum · 23/11/2006 10:06

My DS slept horrendously for the first 5 months, we, like you, gave him a dummy for sleep time. To be honest things got so bad... (woke about 10 times, wanted feeding etc)... i was walking around the house in floods of tears and called the HV.
She explained that DS was getting confused that the sucking of the dummy make him want milk, therefore was waking wanting milk. Anyway she said to take the dummy off him full stop.
I threw the dummies away and he slept lots better, since then he has been brilliant and sleeps through.
He was a bit upset the first night when we put him to sleep but after literally 10 mins, he was out.
If he ever wakes up in the night, we go in after 10 mins, rub his back (sleeps on front) say 'ssshhh ssshhh' and then leave... Most of the time that will work.
I dont know how correct the HV's advice was, but throwing the dummies away was the best thing we ever did IMHO.

imnot27 · 23/11/2006 10:49

Hi, can I chip in too? Is very good to have 18 week old going through to 5/6, have loads of friends still getting up at 1am at this stage! So you're obviously doing something right! I gave all of mine dummies, with the rule that the dummy stayed in the cot, so only for sleeps. We got a glow in the dark one, Avent I think, easy to find at 5am!! It was okay weaning them off (at about 3 years old! ). I would guess just keep hi in your room a bit longer, advice from SIDS council is to 6months anyway, and get a glow in the dark! Dummies don't cause tooth deformity and thumbs do, therefore you are being a very kind, condiderate and well-informed mummy, well done!

Jaynerae · 23/11/2006 11:39

My DD is 3 - I gave her a dummy because she cried constantly up until she was 15 weeks old and I couldn't cope. Unfortunately she got very very attached to the dummy and always had it - we weaned her off it so that she only had it a nap time or bed time - but i was hard when she was upset or fell over and she wanted it for comfort. I have been getting up 2/3 times a night for 3 years - as she kept loosing it and could not find it in bed - I was desperate to get rid of them - I thought it would be really difficult. But after her 3rd birthday I told her if she went to bed with no dummy and stayed in bed all night without it I would buy her a very special present. She said OK - told me what present she wanted - and she did it no problem - apart from flying in my room at 5am shouted 'Istayed in my bed all night with no dummy can I have my present now please?' - I put her back to bed saying it was still the middle of the night but that she was doing really well. She went back to sleep until 7.30am! So when we went downstairs I got her to throw all the dummies in the bin so she would know they had gone. She asked for them a couple of times but accepted that they had gone.
My DS sucked his finger - it took us until he was 4.5 to get him to stop - his finger was red and sore especially in winter - the nail on that finger is not perfect and his finger bends round and his baby front teeth used to stick out - and he obvioulsy sucked it any time - so was not hygeinic. He would not take a dummy ever.
I don't think there is a right or wrong answer on dummies - but they are preferable to fingers/thumbs and they do offer a lot of comfort. My DD especially needed hers when being dropped at CM, but there a re downfalls like finding it in the night! I think every childs reacts/needs them differently and you should go with the flow with what is best for you and yours.

Original poster

xmasstocking · 23/11/2006 13:30

Thank you all for your responses and confirming that I am not an 'evil' mother for giving him a dummy. I am just waiting for the day when he can find it and put it in himself. I might wait until he is 6 months old to move him in to his own room but he is outgrowing his crib so we may be forced to move him sooner - see how it goes.

OP posts:

fizzbuzz · 23/11/2006 13:45

Xmasstocking, my dd age 19 weeks has a dummy, and I have same problems as you. In and out every night shoving dummy in, although some nights she isn't too bad.

Bitterly regret giving it her, but do not have the heart to take it away, as she absolutely loves it. In fact when she was very small, she used to root for it and I thought she was hungry, and would feed her, and therein lies another sleep deprived story!

Now dd is a real problem as she has manic hands and is always knocking dummy out, so sometimes have to sit with her hoding her hands, so she can suck the dummy that I inflicted on her. Nightmare.....

Despite this she is a good sleeper 7pm-8am , and can settle herself when dummy is in place....just keeping it in place.....

She was like a tiger savaging it's prey last night when I gave it her. Mouth wide open and nearly bit (or should I say gummed) my hand off.

Do not have heart to remove it, she loves it so much, just regret giving it her...

Original poster

xmasstocking · 23/11/2006 13:50

Oh Fizz - we can't win can we? We have good sleepers which most parents would kill for but who have an addiction to their dummy! I am worried that when ds is ready for solids, I will miss his cues (ie waking with hunger in the middle of the night) as I will just keep stuffing his dummy in so he will probably get fed up and go back to sleep anyway!

OP posts:

Jam77 · 23/11/2006 13:58

Here here for dummies!!!! As a child my mum never used dummies and i needed braces due to thumb sucking! My DD uses her dummy as and when she needs it, she often spits it out and refuses it, then at other times (when cranky) grabs it out of my hands with amazing suction!!! - there is far too much guilt with motherhood, I'm a first time mum and am just realising that in striving for perfection, I'm missing the most important point....my lo just wants to be loved and nutured by me, and as long as we are all doing that, then we are doing just fine so bo**ocks to all of the "expert" (every 'expert' being different!) advice

Jam77 · 23/11/2006 13:59

does it show in my post I have PMS for the first time since giving birth lol

cruisemum1 · 23/11/2006 14:40

I'm certainly with the dummy brigade, 11 wk old ds is a very sucky bf baby who refuses to take a dummy. He positively loathes them, thrashing about and becoming hysterical as soon as it goes in his mouth. I have, of course, given up trying but as a consequence have turned into a walking dummy myself! He often needs a little suck just before a nap which means my boobs seem to be out on and off all day! I'd say defo go with the dummy and move rooms later . p.s. my dd had one till she was 4!

asleep · 23/11/2006 14:43

DS has had a dummy since about 2 weeks old. not something we wanted, but he was very much into comfort feeding and we were wasting so many bottles with him having half an ounce and then nodding off, it was silly. anyway, he's now 25 weeks and i took the dummy away completely in the day and we're nearly there with not using at night. we've introduced a comfort toy, but so far he's not fussed about that. i do find he's crying more and naps are a lot shorter. but... i'm glad it's going without too much hassle.

fizzbuzz · 23/11/2006 15:04

Well said Jam77, not a hint of pmt anywhere!

Xmasfairy, perhaps they are good sleepers because they have dummies I wouldn't worry about missing hungry cues,I'm sure he will let you know, by screaming louder and refusing to settle.

Have to say ds had a dummy and loved it, but never had problems with hands or losing it. DS can now actually get it in her mouth, but doesn't understand you have to let go of it first.....

I had a dummy until I was 6(cringe)

Jam77 · 23/11/2006 15:15

Don't worry Fizz - I sucked my thumb till I was 12 and only stopped because I was fitted with a brace called a 'cage'(honest!) that stopped me putting my thumb in my mouth - at least dummies can be taken away eventully, had I not had braces I could still be sucking my thumb now! lol

fizzbuzz · 23/11/2006 15:16

And is there anything cuter than a baby grinning at you from behind a dummy?

ptmum · 23/11/2006 15:24

My Ds ( now 20mths) had a dummy for day and night sleeps and nothing else, and we used to do the same nighttime putting back in for an extra couple of hours precious sleep. I was worried he woould never 'kick the habbit' as any good intentions went out of the window at 3am! But he just seems to have given it up himself without any concious effort from us. we did wean him off using it to settle himself to sleep at night when he was about 12mnths, but the rest he did himself. The other week we were staying at friends and when he woke at 5am, iwas worried he might wake their kids, so tried a dummy, but he spat it out! He then settled himself back to sleep. Im sure it will all go pisastorously wrong soon, but I think they let you know when they dont need it anymore.

Jam77 · 23/11/2006 15:27

That is so cute Fizz - I love it when I talk to DD and she beams from behind her big dummy! (is it me or are they LOTS bigger than when I was young?? lol)

Mellin · 23/11/2006 15:31

Reading this post with interest as I am debating whether to introduce a dummy to my 4 week old. Am BFing and she wants to comfort suck ALL the time and will only fall asleep at night if on my boob. I am thinking that using a dummy will mean that the husband can put her to sleep in the middle of the night, not always me! Can see there are pitfalls to taking away the dummy further down the track but better than turning into a human dummy I feel.
Have tried once or twice but she doesn't seem interested so far, did yours take to it straight away?

Jam77 · 23/11/2006 15:31

Off now as Feeding time - here here for the dummy brigade

fizzbuzz · 23/11/2006 15:32

Lots bigger and cuter! And get this- I always make sure dd's dummy co-ordinates with her out fit! How sad is that? (Have degree in fashion and still can't stop being obssessed with clothes)
Also do not let dd have yellow dummy as they do not suit her!
Perhaps I need help? Naaaah, frivolous and proud

fizzbuzz · 23/11/2006 15:34

Mellin-you have to persevere with dummies. DD not interested when newborn, and now obsessed (sigh)

fizzbuzz · 23/11/2006 15:46

Jam 77,had to take ds to orthodontist. I went with him and dd. Had to endure humiliating lecture from ortho about the evils of a dummy.
Ds thought it was hilarious! (I don't know why as he had a dummy until he was 3) I scuttled away as fast has poss....

Jam77 · 23/11/2006 16:21

Am back now DD is fed! I think whatever we do as mum's someone somewhere is waiting in glee to pop any bubble we have going ad tell us we are wrong and doing irreparable damage to our lo's....and Fizz I am so with you on the whole dummy colour/outfit debate....I was gutted the other day as can only find red and yellow (mmmmm nice) coloured dummies in the one's DD likes and the red clashes with her pink outfits...Still can't believe I do pink now (was a goth big style and still only wear black) no one can believe how pink and girlie DD is (including me!!! )

cruisemum1 · 23/11/2006 16:54

mellin - my ds also vv sucky and bf. Will absolutely not take a dummy of any shape or size at all under any circumstances whatsoever!!! He just goes beserk so i have given up trying and resigned myself to the fact that i am now a walkimg, talking source of both food and comfort. i do worry that he is eating too much during his 'sucky' times but am assured that he will only eat as much as he needs , i'm waiting for him to find his thumb/fingers but dreading the battle to get him to stop sucking them! you really can't win, Incidentally ds is 11 wks old and only goes for his big nightsleep after about a 1 - 2 hr sucking session - be warned!

fizzbuzz · 23/11/2006 17:02

I was a goth too.....Still have black lipstick somewhere to prove it....Now also totally into pink. Perhaps it's the new goth...

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