Very bossy son about to start school...worried about friendships

[hollingbury]

My son is fabulous, but very bossy. Loves everything on his own terms. I see it in his friendships with others; he likes things to go his way and is vocal when they don't.

He has made friends at nursery/preschool and seems liked, plus I have lots of friends with kids and he's developed friendships there - but I worry about school. We had a meet up with some other kids going to his school and my husband remarked how bossy and controlling he was during a game and then sat on his own. The other boys seem more easy going.

I realise he'll learn because other kids won't stand for it at school - but I'd also like to help make his experience as positive as possible.

How can I help him? I talk to him about it and he understands in theory - he's very bright, I think - but in practice is obviously little and doesn't remember the theory!

Any suggestions?

How old is he?

The school should help with turn taking and not letting one child dominate.

He's 4.7.

It's not so much taking turns - he's not bad at sharing, at all - it's more about 'doing it his way' or pissing on other people's ideas

As he is OK at nursery, I don't see why he shouldn't be fine at school. Whatever he comes up with, I expect the Reception teacher will have met and dealt with before!

Maybe avoid telling him TOO much about what to expect and how school will be, in case it worries him ahead of starting, or doesn't meet his expectations.

Make sure he can cope with changing for PE, lunchtime routine, toilet and hand washing etc.

My experience of "bossy" children starting school is that the majority come up against other "bossy" children who match or better them in determination, which knocks a few corners off and they settle down fine.

However of those who don't, they go into two categories.

1. Stay bossy and everyone follows, the queen bee type. They look very popular as they have a crowd of people following them, however behaviour can tip over into bullying, and the crowd of people following won't stick around if there's an issue, so not really friends.
2. Push things through like a bull dozer and do struggle with friendships as people don't want to be in a group with them as it's their way or nothing. Often they are very bright so they can see that their way is the best/the right way and argue it against all comers.

I think what helps is getting them to see that their idea might be right, but there are other "right" ways. So ask how they would do things and then say how you do things, and show how either is right and fine to do.

It is quite hard because they can accept that you are right sometimes, but not a peer. It is really something they can only learn through play, and if their personality is able to push through most things it is hard for them to take a step back.