How to cope with a tall child

[forevermore]

My dd is 15 months and wears 3 year old clothes. she wear size 7 -7.5E at clarks and is starting to tower over her peers. already I am finding myself explaining to other mothers that she is still a baby, thats why she isn't climbing up the slide; yet is so big she cannot be shoved out of the queue.

however the 'normal' things she is going through seem that much worse. she is going through a hitting phase, and if she was of a regular size i know it would be excused. she is not trying to hurt anyone, just trying to get attention, by me ignoring it for the last couple of days, she is already doing it less.

my issue is how do you deal with this in a society which just expects all children to be the same size and conform?

I myself am 6' tall with size 11 feet. i stopped growing at 12! and weighed my age from 8-12 (i was never fat since i loved sport) and stood with one leg bent till I was 19. I have never been in a regular shoe shop since the age of 9. I never had a boyfriend till i was 22, due to lack of confidence, and only my husband ever knew my shoe size

i just feel that she is already being victimised, and i want to allow her to be free with her expressions, but at the same time try to understand that many people won't understand or be sympathetic towards her age especially at school.

this has gone on a bit, and i hope you understand what i mean, but i know what this is like, and mum said she was forever being faced with parents complaining that i was too rough with their children at primary school, when i was just being friendly and kind, and trying to fit, but not aware that the other girls were not as 'sttrong' as me. in the end i just never had any girlfriends until i was in my late teen. beacuse i felt i couldn't relate to them.

i guess i just want to do right by her, and help her face these inevitable challenges.

any words of wisdom or similar experiences would be welcome. thanks

I'm 5'10" and fairly solid so didn't conform to the 'girlie' stereotype, either. Lots of my friends were boys and the girlfriends that I had were 'hands on' types - not the sissies!
I wasn't too bad re: self esteem, but one of my girlfriends is 6' 2" - her dh is 6' 4" and her 13 yo dd is already as tall as me.
People make unbelievably crass comments to my friend - things like 'It can't be nice to be THAT tall - poor you'. Little old ladies are the worst, apparently.
I think that all you can do is encourage your daughter to 'walk tall' tell her positive things about it. After all, most models are around 6', aren't they?
If it's any consolation, one of my other friends is 'normal' height but has ginger hair, which seems to be regarded as some sort of birth defect these days so she gets heartliy sick of comments about that. It's the people who make the stupid, banal remarks who have the real problem.
There's nothing wrong with encouraging your dd to be more gentle, but people will be trating her as though she's older than she really is for a long time to come. I thought it was great when I was young - especially as I could go to the pub when I was about 14!

Hi forevermore, my dd and dh have/had the same issues as you. They are both very tall because they have a condition called Marfan Syndrome.
The clothing thing is a nightmare I know (dd 4 in size 6-7 clothing). I'm not sure what the answer is, but I guess that we just shop around to get stuff that looks age appropriate, if yswim.
My dd is very grown up for her age and I'm sure a lot of that is because people have always expected more of her. It does make me sometimes, because if people were take the time to look at her face they would see that she is still very young.
If you wanted to chat to other tall folk or find out hints and tips you could always have a look/join the marfan society website.

We are all tall in our house and I worried dds (now 3 and 6) would have the same problems as I did at school and you have too-BUT it has not come to pass-dd1 goes to a super-mixed school and some ethnic groups are even taller-there are so many differences amongst them, and they have been told right from nursery not to single ANYONE out for ANY aspect of their appearance or disability, or anything at all really. It all comes down to basic rights to kindness for everyone and that message needs to be taught by parents as well as teachers.

I feel for you! Empathies!

I've got a 3.4 year old daughter who is not only as tall as many children who are 5, but has motor skills delays and learning disabilities as well.

I am not tall, but her father's side has a lot of very tall people. Her maternal gran is 5ft., 10in., and at 65 years of age now, she was a real oddity growing up and stood out a lot.

I had exactly the same problems when I was young and so did my brother. I am 6 ft too and my brother is 6 ft 8 with size 14 feet. I did all the same tricks to make myself seem shorter and didnt have a proper boyfriend til I went to university and found some taller boys! Not to mention how hard it is to get clothes.

It has always really p*ssed me off how people feel it is ok to comment on your height. How many time have you heard 'gosh you are tall!'- really, I hadnt noticed!!

So worried for my DS as he is big for his age too. My mum used to get loads of comments about my brothers behaviour as he seemed alot older than he was and I am really worried DS will get the same. His cousin is small for his age and everyone is always commenting on how well behaved he is, think because he seems younger than he is. Took DS a long time to crawl and walk and I was so paranoid that people would tink he was backwards.

Guess you just have to make sure you say how great it is to be tall, esp for a girl as I am sure you know how much it knocks your confidence as a teenager. Adults used to tell me though that it was great to be that tall, and I never believed them till I was older.

Oh, and make sure her clothes fit as I used to get alot of my sister's hand me downs that were too short for me and it made me feel even worse! You should have seem my brownie uniform- it looked like an outfit you would buy in anne summers it was so short!

Oh... and I have an Aunt who STILL says 'My goodness - I'm sure you've grown since the last time I saw you!'

I'm 45 for God's sake - it's YOU that's shrinking you stupid old witch!!!!

forever more, there was a thread on tall children a while ago, will see if i can find it.

no advice just sympathy I have a 3.1yr old who is tall for his age[height wise near a 5yr old] but he has speech problems so talks like a just 2yr old. Fed up of the funny looks he gets when people ask him questions and he cant answer them.

I had the same issue with the Brownie uniform!
Oh happy days...

I started getting "oh have you got the day off school?" type comments in supermarkets when dd1 was 2.

I am only 5'8 now, but did all my growing early so was the takllest in my year group for a long time. DD1 is the same, despite beimng one of the youngest.
I second trying to reinforce the positives of being tall.

I've been able to find age appropriate clothes, but now she is 7 I find it very difficult to get shoes that don't have high heel (she's in size 1.5)

another empathiser here

DS1 is very tall for his age and I got all the same comments - very wearing but now he's started school, amid 90 reception children, he is not actually the tallest one

for the first time in his whole nearly 5 years)

No advice, but i know how you feel, DS1 is 8 and wearing clothes for 10/11 and even they are starting to look short on him. I find that people are always commenting on his height, and i worry that it will become an issue with him. Once, when he was about 4, and the height of a 6 year old, i had him at a soft play area, and he was playing on the equipment and some woman called him a freak! I am just short of 6ft, my brothers are 6'6 and 6'4. It was always an issue about me being tall, some of the names i was called when i was younger had to heard to be believed. Even now, at 36 people seem to have a real problem with it, although I do think it is easier now, as people are getting taller. it's ok for me now to walk into Dorothy Perkin or New Look and get a pair of jeans or trouser with 34' inside leg. Children's clothes now, even bigger sizes are coming with adjustable waists, so my son can wear 11 year old trouser, which are far to big on the waist, by adjusting them.
The thing to try will be to never make your daughters height a big issue yourself, my parents , when i said i hated being tall, went on and on about how good it was, but never made me feel confident about being tall.

there

More sympathy here. I'm 6ft2" and have size 10 feet. I've been this height since I was 13. I was always the tallest in the class. I was lucky, I started school in the US and ( don't know if it's relevant) but I don't remeber ever being made to feel freakish. Then I returned to England aged 8 and started school the comments began. Like so many of you have already said people seem to think it fine to comment on a persons height. It didn't offend me necessarily, just bored me. I'm more than just a tall person!!

Like fortyplus says keep your dds self esteem really boosted, I have a tall aunt who was brilliant when I was growing up and she helped me see that my height was a positive thing.

Mine's tall AND skinny. Trousers are a 'mare.

Mine play rugby. ds1 is 13 and one of his team members is an Indian lad who is pretty skinny but must be 5'9" already and has a moustache and very hairy legs. (In year 8 - how scary is that?!)
He's the star of the team - he scored 6 tries on Sat and is everyone's hero.
There is an upside to being tall!

I am 5'10" and dh is 6'6", with size 15 feet.

ds is 8 and is 4'7" and already wearing a size 6 shoe, dd is 3 and is 3'5" and wears a size 10.5, so they are both atleast a year ahead of their average peers.

When ds was born, my mil said to me "If he looks like he's getting too tall, give him drugs". She was serious!! I hasten to add that I have not gone down this route, nor would I ever consider it.

Having tall children has never really bothered me, in fact I think the commeents are quite amusing. I'm a bit bothered that ds will be able to get served in a pub at the age of 12, but I'll worry about that when it happens.

DH and I were just discussing this problem with friends recently and decided some slogan t-shirts would help sort it out

just some one liners to tell people not to expect great things or deep conversation as "I am only a baby"

Niece and nephew have had this problem and I expect DD will face it too. It is just about making people aware that your baby is a baby and that even though they look like a four year old they can not talk because they are only 2 (my nephew)

Luckily at school, there was another tall girl in my class but I did slouch to make myself look smaller.

Later at college there was a girl much taller than me and full of confidence who made me wish I was as tall as her.

Sympathies on the feet - I have enough problems with a 9 (UK)