Fear of Strangers/Women......shyness?

[teeschmee]

My DS is 2 and a half and is acutely shy in certain situations but not at all in others. If a stranger, particularly a female, so much as says hello to him he starts sobbing and clinging onto me as if it's the end of the world. Tried to put him into a creche a couple of times but it ended with hysteria and pale creche attendant coming to get me after half and hour. This applies to adults and other children e.g. when in playground, if half way up the ladder of a slide and some other child starts to climb up the ladder also, DS will howl and scream until I peel him off the ladder. This upset will last until the "offender" is well out of sight and no amount of coaxing of toy proffering will stop him crying until then. He is very confident with adults he does know and talks incessantly to them and insists on holding their hands etc. He is ok with other kids that he knows but often needs a few minutes sitting on my knee until he'll happily go and play.
He has been like this since he was a tiny baby so I don't think it's just a phase.
Has anyone else experienced this situation? I'm terrified about DS starting nursery and have come up against a brick wall with our GP because he is male and DS really likes him so he can't see what I'm talking about.

my dd of 23 months was a little like thi when she was very young, but on the whole seemed very confdent and unafraid of most things and people. At around 16 months it seemed to change almost overnight.The examples you have given are exactly what I go thru at M & T groups and to top it all, my dd looks like a three yr old!!

I have posted a few times about my dd's shyness and terrible clingyness and the advice given was just give as much reassurance as possible and not to force her into a situation she is not comfortable with. I take her twice a week to M &T groups and am trying to expose her to as much public places, friends houses as possible. It seems to be helping just a little. Today I was able to talk to a neighbour (man) who she is absolutely petrified of and she actually smiled at him!! I don't know whether or not it will last.

I understand your frustrations, were you shy as a child? I was. Has you ds been exposed to lots of other family members, cousins/uncles/aunts. I don't have any family near me except one uncle who my dd is very afraid of. Do u have any other children and was yr ds very clingy at an early age? These are the questions by hv asked me, ie this type of nature stems back to their very early upbringing.

No solutions really, just have to perservere and maybe try to explain to them in advance not to get upset (easier said than done) Good Luck!

hi,my ds is 20 months and has shown real fear towrds a few certain women.One was his great gran and the other his gran( my mum).I posted about it recently.

He has improved a great deal with great gran ,don't know why,just took time I guess.With my mum he was gradually getting better but she had to return to Canada and he still had not given her a cuddle .

Iknow hoew you feel about the shyness with other kids ,my dd was like this and I worried about it endlessly.She is now 12 and not really shy at all aso she just grew out of it.She was really wary of kids in playgrounds when younger and I think it was because she didn't know how to react/behave etc.
This gradually improved as she grew and it just needed patience.
Remember this world cannot be made up of all outgoing gregarious people,we do need quiet reserved gentle folk to keep the world a sane and pleasant place.Your dd just needs time I think and a sensitive mum which I think she's got.

teeschmee, just to reassure you your DS is ony 2 and a half. My dd was like this at that age and would shy away from strangers it they try to say hello when out shopping. She woulldn't join in play with children she didn't know. My dd is now 10 totally different but still shy and quiet but has gained confidence this happens when they start school and may take a little time. You may always have a shy child and they may not be the most confident but really don't worry at this stage things will improve I'm sure. All adults are different and so are children. I hope this helps some children are just shyer then other also I was always at home my dd never went to a child minder, maybe this is why my dd was clingy too is this the same for you? larsxx

Thanks for your replies - it's nice to know that we're not alone in this - I just really want DS to realise that people, on the whole, are really quite nice but you're all right in that I can't force him to believe this. And, yes, Lars, I am at home full time with DS so he hasn't been to a childminder or nursery - maybe it's true that if a child is pre-disposed to shyness then being at home with a full-time mum can prolong that shyness as opposed to having to face the issue full on if they did go to childminder.
We do go and see friends at least 2x per week so I guess DS's confidence will gradually build up. Funny too that most of my good friends are the quieter, less gregarious types....