4.5 year old ds: Every day is a battle and it's so bloomin draining.......

[northerner]

He doesn't want what I'm serving for dinner, won't wear a coat, demands sweets when I've said no 5 times, won't brush teeth/get dressed when asked, just is really un cooperative and we end up battling all day.

When told off he grunts and pulls an agressive face, no discipline tool seems to phase him.

Please tell me they grow out of this?!......

They do grow out of it. My dds can be this way too. To be honest there is not easy solution. My dh gets into confrontations all the time, I keep telling him it's not a good way to tackle things.

My phrase of the moment is "Secondary behaviour". Ignore all the faf that they come out with and focus on the first theing they did that you were unhappy with. It reduces the battling and keeps me calm.

My dds are 3 and 5 so the amount of fighting could be quite high!

Good luck

focus on one thing.So nothing else is a battle. I never insist mine wears a coat but have it with me for when they are cold.
Serve tea if he doesnt eat it so what, he wont starve to death. Dont argue just leave it.
Have a sweet rule if you like. Say a sweet at 5 o'clock if he brushes his teeth after!

oh and take him to school/nursery in whatever he is wearing at the time you need to go!!

yes they do ..its all down to the huge boost of testosterone that they get around the age 4-5..its the same when they hit puberty!!! so im afraid youll have to weather the storm and wait it out and keep remembering it will pass and have some sympathy for them as they`ve got this huge energy boost going on in their body and they dont know how to cope with it either which makes them teribly frustrated ..give him lots of chances to run off this energy levels and it does help promise!!

But I look at the other kids i his class and they don't seem the same. He just never stays still.

Even zipping up his coat is a chore as he's usually dancing around, jumping up and down and ends up accidentally head butting me You can only say stand still a few times before you lose it.

In the school playground this week a mum of a girl in ds's class said 'GOsh, your ds is a real live wire isn't he?'

Was this polite for 'a naughty little shit?' ?

They're like dogs, need lots of exercise at that age ime. I used to walk and walk and walk with ds to make sure he'd sleep at night.

Doesn't want what you're serving? Don't eat it then
Won't wear a coat, so what, he'll get cold and maybe change his mind, maybe won't
demands sweets, just be consistent so he doesn't think that if he persists enough NO will turn to YES (I learned this the hard way)
Won't brush teeth/get dressed, start asking abotu an hour before you want it done and do "I bet you can't do this before I count to x"
Pick your battles

It will pass! Hope none of the above is so bleedin obvious that you think wtf did she bother!

I used to get that live wire comment too and yes, is shorthand for 'bloody hell you poor woman' imo!

I have a 4 year old ds1 simlar to this though not quite as much - but I can feel it coming.

Making it inot a competition helps 'bet you can't do it before I count to five'
@can you get your socks on before i put ds2's socks on him

I start asking about 15 mins before I need it to be done. I give a final warning and then he wil get time taken off 'treat time' (which is the time between dinner finishing and bathtime - plays on game boy, PC whatever).

The best thing though - I 'aquired' a couple of huge egg timers frm work - a one minute ne and a 5 minute one. Works a treat. I told his teacher that he was an 'egg timer kind of boy' - she looked at me like I was mad. but it works!

I hate comments from girls parents, if they do not have a boy then they do not understand, Boys are sooooo different.
Ds1 will be 7 on mon, tell me when they grow out of it please? Some days he is just adorable but others he is just like a teenager and we cannot do anything with him he is in such a mood.

I can second the egg timer thing. My ds has no real sense of time so it really helps - either that or telling him something needs to be done by the time the big hand is on such and such a number on the clock. Otherwise he gets distracted or stands staring into space in a world of his own. Keep smiling - you are definately not the only one h a 'live wire'

He sounds just like ds who's 5.5 now. He's getting easier all the time having been a 'live wire' all his life. He's just constantly twirling, twirling, twirling and we do have to exercise him as if he was a labrador.

• this really really rings bells with me. I so agree with picking your battles. Also very clear rules (we sat down together and made a list of rules for us all to follow) and reinforcing the positive works with ds. We stopped 'punishing' as such, and started dishing out rewards - so no 'right, because of xyz we are not letting you play on the X box' it's 'you ate your tea beautifully, would you like half an hour on the X box' iyswim. Basically he doesn't have automatic privileges, he has to earn them through good behaviour - we make sure he gets them often enough though. We had a particularly bad patch at the start of this term (going into year 1) and we have had to come down quite hard on him again and it's working, slowly but surely.

Well at least I'm not alone

I must say he can be a well behaved, polite, adorable little boy, but when he has an audience, boy am I in for it?!

I only have him atm, and am beginning to wonder how on earth I'd cope with another. He does not push dh as far as he pushes me. But on the other hand it's always me he wants when he is tired or upset. Mummy must always bath him/do stories etc.

Dh works 3 weekends in a row, so that could be something to do with it?

I get that livewire comment too, and it always seems to mean "Thank god I have a docile little cherub"

In 40 years he will relish that extra energy, he will attract younger women. Keep telling yourself that.

Aww Colditz that is such a nice way of looking at it.

Dh working today so ds and I went to Church (always a battle getting ds to sit quietly for the last 10 mins of service after sunday school) then after lunch we spent 3.5 hours in our local park - it's huge. We did crazyu golf, fed the ducks, walked in the 'woods' and of course the playground. Then we walked the 20 mins home, and he still had lots of energy when we got back.

He simply never stops jumping, twirling, talking, shouting, even when he's got nothing to say he'll make noises just because he can. He exhausting but I adore him.

I haven't even got the testosterone excuse! My dd (nearly 3) is the same, forever whirling about, running off when I'm trying to get her dressed. She is imaginative, loving and great fun but I do find myself looking at other children and wondering what it must be like to have one that sits quietly..We have just had a horrible morning. Went to music group, dd associates music with even more twriling and dancing (hardly a crime, I know) so was leaping about in front of the teacher who was coldly cross, and (maybe Im being paranoid) seemed to suggest she was a horrible little exhibitionist. I took her out to calm her down,got cross, she hit me (another problem at the moment) and I ended up trying not to cry and wondering why I bother taking her out. Needless to say the other children sat quietly throughout.