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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

10-month old having tantrums!

12 replies

Mummykayla · 17/11/2006 20:34

My DS is only 10-months old but has started throwing huge tantrums. Putting him in his carseat/buggy makes him scream and go stiff so I can't strap him in, taking something away from him that he's not supposed to have results in him throwing himself backwards and screaming. He got my phone the other day and when I took it away from hime, he screeched at me and promptly bit my knee! Getting very embarassing as he's doing it in public. Any ideas on how to tell him off as at the moment if I say no, he just screams louder!!

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SenoraPostrophe · 17/11/2006 20:39

use distraction as much as you can, and keep tellings off simple (just "no" for example). in fact when out and about I sometimes don't tell them off at all, I just remove things and distract them (car keys work very well!)

Original poster

Mummykayla · 17/11/2006 20:52

Car keys are a great distraction although not such a good thing when I need them back!! Have two other children and never remember them being so strong willed so young!! Thanx

OP posts:

SenoraPostrophe · 17/11/2006 21:25

that's true. I have a few detachable things on mine for negotiation purposes. maybe I should get a whole second set.

also I think it's a phase thing: ds did it before he was one, but it wore off quite quickly and then he was an angel till he was 2 and a bit. then came hurricane ds.

mez656 · 18/11/2006 03:57

Mine 10 month old dd has just started on the tantrums too. Unfortunately, you're not alone. Anyone have suggestions on how to deal with it?

mez656 · 18/11/2006 04:00

Sorry, typos galore on that one. My question is how to deal when distraction doesn't work. My dd throws them almost every time I try to get her dressed and it's driving me nuts.

mamama · 18/11/2006 04:05

So glad to see others having the same problem! I keep meaning to get DS his own set of keys for this purpose but forget.

I try to distract him before the tantrum starts, then try distracting him when it starts. When that doesn't work, I either step over him and ignore it or remove him from the situation, if it's very public - strap him in the stroller or carrier and go home/ for a walk - he usually calms down fairly quickly when I do this.

It's quite alarming how dramatic these tantrums can be at such a young age isn't it? We have the whole throwing himself backwards, flailing arms, kicking legs, stamping feet & wailing like a banshee. Such a drama queen! I had no idea this would happen!

mamama · 18/11/2006 04:12

mez - I try to get DS dressed before I have a shower in the morning. That way, if he refuses, I can leave it until I'm ready and try again by which time he's usually forgotton that he didn't want to get dressed. Of course, it doesn't always work & twice I've taken him out in the buggy only wearing his trousers! (It was hot here so didn't matter but I did get some looks).

Some battles just aren't worth fighting! Others, like not sticking fingers in the electrical sockets are. I find if I get on with other things, the tantrum tends to fizzle out a bit quicker than if I fuss over him. Sometimes I just go and play with his toys or read his books and he'll stop crying & will join me.

mez656 · 18/11/2006 15:54

Clothing is worrying me. At the moment, we are living in the tropics so I totally understand why she hates putting clothes on (I do too!). The vast majority of the time, she runs around in her nappy and nothing else. But, we are about to go back home for xmas and there's no way we can let her out of the house without a ridiculous amount of clothing... I've been trying to have her wear clothes more often to get used to the idea but it's just so hot and she's a sweaty baby to begin with...

Do you really think it's best to try to get her dressed and give up if she refuses and then try again later? Is that not teaching her that the tantrum allows her to get her way?

This is all new to me and oh so confusing...

biglips · 18/11/2006 16:09

i remembered my dd started having tantrums at 11m and i was so shocked!! as i was expecting when she is 2 she will start having them...now she is 25m and have a few since then!

mamama · 18/11/2006 18:24

Mez, with ds I assess the clothing situation before it escalates - if it looks like getting dressed is going to be a fight, I leave it but I don't let it get to a tantrum and then stop. On the days when he doesn't want to get dressed but we have to leave the house quickly & he needs to be fully clothed, we just battle it out. It seems to help if we're not in a rush and he can be involved - he's slightly older than your ds though and can walk, so he likes to grab clothes out of the closet etc. I can ask him to bring his socks & he will (sometimes!)

Would playing with his clothes help your ds? Mine loves to play with the clean laundry. Even before he was walking, he'd pull his t-shirts out and put them on his head. It's a pain, but I think it was good for him to practise. I also make getting dressed into a game. It's a bit of a palaver ("Where's DS gone? There he is!", "Where's your hand gone? Oh, there it is!" " etc) but makes it slightly more enjoyable. Oh, and my ds often sees me get dressed - I think that may help too.

We just went to the park and had to leave because of a huge meltdown! I just hope it's a phase that they will grow out of. Fingers crossed anyway.

gmummy · 18/11/2006 22:34

At 10mth my DD used to sit in front of the floor to ceiling bedroom mirror and watch her best tantrums - seemingly to perfect her facial expressions, kicking, flailing, screaming etc!She was and still is a biter.
She's now 13mth and a past mistress in the art of tantrum but I have a couple of tricks:

I bought a keyring from the Disney store which has the seven dwarves hanging from it and she thinks it is her own personal set of keys which is always a distraction but one I can afford to lose.
Ditto with an old mobile phone and cheap purse filled with fake "credit cards" which I keep in my bag so that she thinks she's getting hold of something special.

When dressing my DD I usually do it in stages over time if I think she's going to go atomic on me. I also have to admit to catching her unawares from behind with vests and t-shirts.

DD has not been biting more than once in a blue moon recently and usually she just bites at my clothing as if it is more of a protest than a real attempt to bite the skin. I think this is because I didn't react when she bit me before (except for a loud yell of pain!) but just said "don't bite" very firmly while pointing to the offended area and then put her down with her back to me and didn't speak for about 30secs.

In my opinion, you shouldn't be embarrased by public tantrums. I bet there are loads of Mums and Dads around you who are all feeling for you due to their experiences. I have lost count of the number of times I wanted to go up to a Mum with a "tantrum in progress" and tell them that they are doing fine and not to be embarrased.

I guess we just have to keep up the distractions and wait for the "not so terrible threes"

morningpaper · 18/11/2006 22:41

They aren't really "tantrums" - in that he is not being manipulative, he is just pissed off because he wants something and he can't get it. His understanding of the world is too immature for proper "tantrums".

I use distraction (am constantly planning my next distraction item) or just pinning down (for dressing or toothbrushing, sometimes it's the only way) followed by quickly standing up and a cuddle. Then she is OFF to the next thing - not really worried or annoyed. Just happy to be back on her feet.

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