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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

6 year old dd stealing money :(

44 replies

MrsBungle · 03/07/2015 10:45

My dd turned 6 a couple of weeks ago. Her behaviour has generally been quite good and she mainly tries to avoid getting in to trouble.

Just lately, her behaviour has been terrible.

She was moved tables at school due to incessant talking. Her teacher had already told me that her talking was distracting others and I told her off and also said if, at the end of term, her teacher told me she had improved I'd give her a treat. Well, it didn't improve, it got worse and she now sits at a different table. Due to that and some general cheekiness and low-level fibbing she has been punished this week by means of no TV, no activities and no stories at night. Due to end today.

Last night I discovered money in her school bag. After at first lying about it she said she had taken it for tuck shop. We had a big chat. I told her how upset I was and how disappointed I am she took money (£1) without asking and she knows she's only allowed tuck on a Friday (50p). I explained how serious stealing is. She became very upset. I thought we had reached an understanding.

Today I found another £1 in her bag. There's a cake sale at school today and for some reason that was worth the risk AGAIN to steal this money. It crossed my mind the £1 was there from a previous time before we spoke last night but she tried to keep her bag from me this morning and so I became suspicious. shes been picking up money left on the sides etc.

I told her teacher and teacher is keeping her in the classroom at cake sale time to make sure she definitely doesn't get any.

I'm at a loss as to what to do next! I've no punishments left! I've removed everything that's precious to her. She was due to get it all back today! Has anyone any advice as to what to do next? I can totally accept some naughty behaviour but stealing seems really extreme? I feel a bit of a failure on the parenting front at the moment to be honest

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

houseHuntinginmanchester · 03/07/2015 11:42

Yes my 6 year old is obsessed with anything chocolatey too, as are all her friends

I think giving a fruit/cheese type snack in book bag is a good idea, my dd sometimes mentions the fruit finished too.

I never had cake/biscuit type food in the house either as a child and whenever it was there, I couldn't touch it because it was my older brother's and because of this I've always bought it in moderation so that it's not a 'big deal' to my girls.

I want them to be able to hold their own around cake

Original poster

MrsBungle · 03/07/2015 11:45

house yep that's what I'm trying to do too - unlike me who cannot hold her own around cake!

Really, thanks everyone for the advice and the telling off for being too harsh I appreciate it.

OP posts:

BathshebaDarkstone · 03/07/2015 11:45

houseHunting I used to steal biscuits and hide and eat them because I was hungry. It's possible.

houseHuntinginmanchester · 03/07/2015 11:48

I know bath (hug).. and all jokes aside, food-related memories or lack of are never forgotten are they ?

To reiterate op, I would definitely check she is nice and full, make sure her lunch at school is substantial enough and her dinner at home too. Maybe she could have some banana too in her morning porridge.

houseHuntinginmanchester · 03/07/2015 11:54

Sorry if that sounded bossy op.

When I read baths post just had a sudden painful memory of an extremely neglected little boy I knew who used to steal frozen fish fingers from the freezer. He went on to develop serious stealing habits and is now in his early twenties and still has this habit among many, many other issues

Original poster

MrsBungle · 03/07/2015 11:55

Will do house thank you.

bathsheba the memories of being hungry definitely last.

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houseHuntinginmanchester · 03/07/2015 11:56

Gosh, I'm not meaning to imply your dd is neglected !

what is wrong with me today

Original poster

MrsBungle · 03/07/2015 11:57

Oh house that's awful.

Rest assured my dd definitely eats enough but I will be giving her snacks to take for morning break from now on although not cake

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Original poster

MrsBungle · 03/07/2015 11:58

Ha ha I know your not implying that!

OP posts:

Original poster

MrsBungle · 03/07/2015 11:58

I appreciate you taking the time to reply and helping me figure out why this has all blown up.

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houseHuntinginmanchester · 03/07/2015 12:07

Phew ! when I read that post of mine back I forgot to add that it was completely my own memory and nothing to do with your thread apart from suddenly remembering because of baths memory of biscuits.

You're welcome bungle ! I can't not comment on a 6 year old dd thread if I see it as I've written a fair few of my own in the past

wallypops · 03/07/2015 12:08

My youngest started stealing at about 2 after our divorce. Mostly shop lifting. Very alarming to me. But despite threats etc nothing really noticeably worked and she grew out of it although there were occasional stress related relapses. If you can get a tame police person in uniform to step up on the serious talk front that should help. I'm in france and they are surprisingly good at it here.

She's 9 now and pretty morally incorruptible I think. She's also an avid food label reader and that really changed her food habits.

slippermaiden · 03/07/2015 12:10

Don't leave money on the side, removes that problem completely.

houseHuntinginmanchester · 03/07/2015 12:15

Slipper, I don't think that removes the problem permanently or in the right way.

What about when dd goes to visit friends/family and they have money lying around?

It's better for her to learn to not take money without permission from home, rather than elsewhere, I think.

Original poster

MrsBungle · 03/07/2015 12:20

slipper we are going to stop leaving money on the sides well dh is my money is in my purse but she does need to learn not to take it from anywhere.

wally my dd is learning about healthy eating in school. I might start looking at labels with her actually.

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Natalieday1 · 03/07/2015 12:24

The op asked for advice on what to do next she didn't ask for opinions on the punishment she had already gave out..some people
I think ur punishments are deserving as I feel kids needs to know from a young age stealing is wrong and that there will be severe punishments..well done u for sticking to it..

Original poster

MrsBungle · 03/07/2015 12:30

Thank you natalie that is what I was trying to do but to be fair it's not worked very well! Any advice is appreciated.

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loveareadingthanks · 03/07/2015 12:40

I think it's very difficult for young children to understand money.

and more difficult now than in the past, with cash machines and cashback just giving out money to adults whenever they want it (as far as children can tell).

I know at that age money was just stuff my parents had, I had no idea where it came from, what it was used for other than buying sweets and food, it was there in their pocket or purse and they gave it to me or not apparently on a whim. I had no concept of bills to be paid.

She needs a proper talk about it, explaining it in a way she can understand.

Original poster

MrsBungle · 03/07/2015 12:49

Thanks love that makes sense.

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