new mum needs advice on routine etc

[zorina]

I need some advice. I'm a new mum with a 6 week old baby. The first few weeks were draining to say the least.He would only sleep in my arms, car seat or in my bed with me. It's slowly getting better but should i be putting him to sleep upstairs in his own bed with the curtains drawn and the door shut on every sleep like certain books reccomend? Or do i do this just on his last feed at night? He feeds every 3 hours (5 oz)but still wakes up at night is this normal? Please someone give me there advice as books are SO different.I feel like i'm such a crap mum as i'm trying to follow a routine but finding it hard as my baby can't last 4 hours till his next feed. so i feed him and that just recks the routine. they say bath him at 5.30 but my partner baths him when he comes home at 7 and i can't take that bonding moment away from him.

can't help myself as i'm also having a nightmare with my toddler. Met with a friend this morning though she has just used a company called mybabymatters as she has a 4 week old who sounds alot like your baby , She said they were fantastic, I'm going to call them. here is the link www.mybabymatters.co.uk
otherwise I'm sure you'll get some great advice on here. Good luck

Hi Zorina...I'm one of those who just went with the flow when my two were babies.There is plenty of time to get them into a routine when they get abit older.My two were in a moses basket ,wherever I was ,be it lounge or bedroom.I found that way it was easier to deal with the waking in the night for a feed,or just when they wanted a cuddle etc

My advice is he's still very young at the moment,just don't worry about routines etc,they'll come in a while when he's older..ie:going through the night without a feed.Just relax and enjoy this time with him,it doesn't last that long

Good Luck

He's too young yet for a routine - he has no wants that aren't needs. Don't worry about bad habits - or routines, just be guided by him until he's a bit older. And enjoy him (if you can!!!!!!)

I agree with curlew - he's only just getting used to the fact he doesn't actually live inside you anymore! Make the most of the time you have at night with you him and your dh at the moment. At 6 weeks both my dds stayed downstairs with me and dh, sleeping in our arms or in their moses and then came upstairs when we went to bed.

In my opinion 3 months is quite early enough to start thinking about a routine. They're still very instinctive little animals at 6 weeks and they need lots of cuddles. Don't worry about spoiling him, both mine go to bed now at 7/7.30 good as gold (they are 5 and 1)

totally agree with the advice so far. i didn't even think about a bedtime routine until 4 months when they moved out of the moses basket by my bed into their cot. (and then they were good as gold, don't be "scared" into what might happen if you don't follow the books' advice)

Feeding every 3 hours is good at this age! Just go with it, get some rest when you can (i know it is exhausting) and over the next few weeks this will lengthen out.
please don't feel like a crap mum, i remember feeling like that - you'll get much better and more balanced advice on here than in the books so put them away
Good luck and enjoy your little one, he will be big and wriggling out of your arms before you know it.

Just read your first post again properly - pleeeeease don't let 'the books' make you feel crap. Chuck them in the bin and try to listen to your baby's needs and let them shape your rountines.

Your partner needs to bond with his son and if that mean he bathes him at 7 then surely that's more important than setting your watch by a 5.30 bath and him missing out on time with his daddy? Everyone feels like they're 'doing it wrong' when they first have their newborn home with them, but babies really are very robust and they will love you whatever.

Use mumsnet for your advice, the you'll be speaking to real parents who have all been there. I think though you will find the most common piece of advice is that you can't love your baby too much. They are only this little and precious once so make the most of it and ignore ideas that you are somehow spoiling him - this is nonsense!

I'm sure you and your partner are doing a fabulous job. Well done on surviving the 1st 6 weeks intact. Now go and enjoy your little boy xxx

Thank you. I am enjoying him and want to do so so much more. This age flies by so quickly. I found that the routine has made him grumpy and he doesn't seem himself so i threw the book across the room and said b-s to it!! So i'll just go with the flow. Thank you i feel a little better. :0

can i just take this opportunity to say how refreshing it is to have people like u guys to talk to. I've been having my down moments and it's nice to know i can log on and talk. So thank you. Just wish i had found this sight earlier. :O

zorina- the way i see those books is like if someone wrote about for example adults in britain. it might say..adults sleep for 8 hours a night. when they wake at 7am they eat cereal. they next eat at 12 when they have a sandwich. after they've been at work all day they then go to the gym and exercise for 1 hour. this is followed by a large drink of water....do you see what i mean??! we don't all do that, same as babies don't all do what those baby books say they do.

Any book that makes you feel you are doing a crap job is a crap book, in my view. (This is why I liked reading the No Cry Sleep Solution, she cheerfully admitted that if she had another baby she would completely ignore her own advice - go girl!).

Wanting to sleep in your arms is normal, waking at night is normal. Absolutely let your partner bath him at 7, working dads miss out on so much.

Your instincts are spot on; you know your baby can't go four hours between feeds, so you feed him. Good for you. He will settle into a routine of sorts on his own, relax and enjoy.

Don't take it away from him! Dp does exactly the same with 15mth old. Has done since birth, and from 7/8 weeks has done to bed at 7.30. He's slept throught the night from about 12 weeks and we are all very happy!

Completely agree with everything so far. 6 weeks is still so young. DD2 is now 12 weeks and I am in a sort of (very flexible) routine ... fed between 7-8ish, 10-11ish, 2ish, 5ish, then before bed around 7. I wake her around 11pm and she will wake up some time around 4-5amish for another feed. This is very variable. If she is crying and it's not because she's tired (she gets very grumpy when tired) then I feed her. When DD1 is at nursery, I loll around on the sofa and let DD2 snooze on me whilst I watch daytime tv. When DD1 is home, I either put DD2 up in her bed for daytime naps, or she stays with us in her chair, or she's in the pram. It doesn't matter as long as she sleeps!

It really does fly by and it is very easy to spend these first few weeks stressing about it all, so try to relax (easier said than done sometimes I know). With DD1 I was totally clueless but definitely by 5-6 months even she was in a great routine with regular daytime naps and sleeping through the night.

Go with the flow, and your baby will set his own patterns.

Zorina - in principal I would love to agree with all the 'go with the flow' posts. But, I have a 10 week old ds (my second - I have dd of nearly 9yrs) and I have been searching for a definitive answer to the routine question since the day he was placed on my chest! I have knocked myself out with it, fretting over where he sleeps, length of naps/wakeful periods/feeding times etc.writing everything,down looking for clues, and do you know what!!!!??? He has found his own routine! Not one that I would necessarily have chosen but a routine none the less so we know where were are. Is isn't even the same every day but I know what his needs are. Even the nights have found a pattern. He feeds and naps constantly for around 2-3 hrs (not my choice!) from around 6 - 9ish. He is exclusively bf. and I struggle to get him to settle in his cot (grrrr) but eventually - every evening at 10pm he gives in and goes to sleep till around 5am and then again until 7ish - no great teary scenes - just does it! I am still knocking myself out over it - will I ever crack the putting him in his cot at 7pm bit?!! . I know I will eventually but with dd it is a busy and difficult time of day - she needs me too. And, like you, sometimes I feel like a crap mummy. But, take heart - it will come probably whether you force it or not. Just a bit of gentle coercion is needed on your part once you understand those cries! Good luck