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Behaviour/development

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5 yr old DD really hard to deal with..

6 replies

jax19 · 15/11/2006 21:06

My dd is 5.5 and in yr 2 at school. we moved her from the school she was in for yr 1 because we found it unaproachable/excluding - we couldn't get any idea what was going on except academically. Her new school is lovely but the extra informal contact with teachers has been a blessing and a curse. I have found out that she plays alone, even in class, and the teacher has said she is having difficulty getting to know her as she is so guarded. This is heartbreaking for me - although I would not say I was a terribly social person - I can find big groups daunting - at school I was never without a best friend. she seems not to have any friends and often says she plays alone and she likes this...i think this is just a cover up though as she doesn't seem happy to me, she goes in with trepidation every day. The teacher also said at parent teacher mtg "she's an only child isn't she?" (she isn't - she has a brother so this hurt me too) The wierdest thing was that after she moved school, she was a dream for about 5 weeks, we thought she was relieved to be away from whatever was going on at her old school, she was co-operative, there was a light behind her eyes (naff I know, but true), she was fun, everyday I dreaded it ending, and unfortunately it did - she is now back to being insular, disobedient..I dread picking her up - its a puzzle to us. she tells us no-one wants her to play, except to be the playground 'baddie' who chases everyone else, and she doesn't want to do this. Oh what a rant, but good to bore someone other than my husband!!

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3littlefrogs · 15/11/2006 22:01

She seems awfully young to be in year 2. Is it a birthday cut- off thing? Are the other children older? Try not to worry too much. Are you inviting friends home to play? It can be hard work, but it does help to make friends. Remember - she is still the new girl, and girls can be very cliquey, and it can be hard for a new child to get into the group. She sounds as if she might be quite sensitive? I wish I could suggest something more useful - lots of love and cuddles and reassurance at home, and building her confidence may be the answer. Has her teacher made any helpful suggestions?

I am sure someone else on here will have some good ideas. I do understand how you feel though - it is heartbreaking to see your child unhappy and not know how to help.

TillyRose · 15/11/2006 22:04

Why is she in Year 2? Surely ahe must be 6.5 or in year 1?

3littlefrogs · 16/11/2006 07:49

Did anything significant happen either at home or school after those first 5 weeks?

jax19 · 16/11/2006 09:59

i'm in Ireland so when I say Yr 2 I mean P2 - must be a bit different here. Anyway, yes I think you're right 3littlefrogs, she probably is sensitive. I want to invite people home and have someone coming next week, it feels difficult though because she doesn't really talk about anyone in particular or anyone consistently so it really is a shot in the dark as to whether or not they'll click but nothing ventured nothing gained I guess!! The cuddles thing I really try to do but she's so very prickly its hard to get close, and I guess thats what the other kids think too. No nothing significant happened in those 5 weeks at all....its a complete enigma! Thanks for the shoulder to whine on!

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cameroonmama · 16/11/2006 20:50

jax my dd is 5 and in a French school but speaks only english at home. She says she enjoys her school and whilst I had concerns about her communication skills the teacher says she communicates well in French. Still at the end of the day she is shattered and can be quite insular, disobedient, emotional and frankly quite horrible to me... She has no close friend at this school and would much prefer to play outside school with kids we know very well than to play with a school friend.

Little by little as her confidence grows she makes 'new' friends, a lot of the kids already knew/know each other so it has taken some time.Also she seems to skip from one friend to another...

It seems like kids this age hate being 'the baddie' but often the one least able to stand up for themselves at that moment, is chosen, in my experience this can change on a daily basis!

Personally i think that girls find these things terribly difficult even at 5 and that as her confidence grows she will make new and then closer friends. I wouldn't worry too much.

Could you ask the teacher which girls (or boys!) she likes to spend time with (even if for a short amount of time) and then invite them for a playdate if your dd agrees?

I hope this helps a bit.

jax19 · 24/11/2006 12:18

thanks Cameroonmama - yes that sounds like her! I am pleased to report even this week things have improved...so i'm trying not to worry!! I know - nigh on impossible - comes with the job!!!

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