Can newborns have a temper?

[joycep]

Hi - my twin non identical boys are 6 weeks old but were born at 36weeks. I have an experienced maternity nurse (40years) Lookjng after us for a couple of weeks and she said twin 2 has a very bad temper and that some parents don't want to hear it but we will need to be careful with him as he grows up. She said he will become mean if we pander to his every need. I have noticed that when he is hungry he doesn't really cry like his brother, he really screams and shakes, punches the air and turns purple until he is fed. But can you really label a 6 week old and say he has a temper and that we will have problems with him? Has anyone had experience of having s baby that seems to get very cross but then grows out of it?

I have silent reflux and it really is incredibly uncomfortable. Often eating/drinking is the only way to calm down the feeling that I'm being strangled. It doesn't sound to me that your baby is angry (and I'm really not sure that a six week old can have a fairly complex emotion like anger in any case), it sounds as if he is seriously distressed. I really really would not use a routine on a stressed, anxious uncomfortable baby. I would have thought it much more likely that ignoring his needs as the maternity nurse is suggesting would lead to problems (both now and in the future). He is very very little!

I do understand that feeding on demand is difficult if you are breastfeeding twins but some babies find routine much harder than others and think you are going to have to be more flexible at least with one of your twins otherwise you are likely to have a very difficult time over the next few months with at least one very unhappy baby.

I would also be very concerned about having someone who sounds like they actively dislike babies looking after my children.

My DS2 had silent reflux and screamed a lot. He would go 0-60 in an instant, no whinging, full on banshee screaming. He's 5 now and mostly lovely and sunny, not bad tempered. He was in pain . When his tummy was empty it was just stomach acid coming up and burning his poor oesophagus and throat. Feeding milk neutralises the acid to some extent and soothes the pain.
Get rid of the horrible woman and take your poor son to the doctor to get him some antacid. The book 'Colic Solved' is v helpful, despite stupid title, it's all about reflux and milk protein intolerance.

Oh yes- babies with reflux often like to feed constantly- milk soothes the sore tissues and dilutes the stomach acid so it doesn't burn as much.

Empty stomach=hunger= acid production= increasing pain.

So it could be pain as well as hunger. Likely not temper though.

My DD with silent reflux fed little and often (never less regularly than every 2 hours). It soothed her tummy.

This is a great resource on high needs babies:

www.askdrsears.com/topics/health-concerns/fussy-baby/high-need-baby

We have 10 wk triplets (corrected age 6 wks) and feeding on demand is just not an option. Feed the way you have to, and if that is on schedule then do it on schedule. A mother who is so tired she can't function is not able to look after her babies well.
I'd start looking for new help though. If she thinks he has reflux then she'd be more useful advising on how to get help with that and it sounds as if her ideas are out of date.

We found some great help at www.doulas.co.uk
Good luck.

I do think that babies have personalities. I wouldn't be using the terminology your 'nurse' is using, but some babies are more laid back, cry less loudly, a more settled and others have stronger will and express their needs with more strength. Some babies (indeed toddlers, and adults) get really upset and impatient when they are hungry (I'm one of them!). I think that your nurse is using very old fashion terms, however I do think that babies have personalities.

Just asking.....if you are feeding to a schedule and the baby is awake crying for food, what do you do? Genuine question.

Your baby is showing an instinctive response to his own distress. He has no idea that other people exist as separate being from him, never mind that his expression of distress can influence them or their emotions.

The level of his screaming is purely a demonstration of his distress and someone needs to respond to it when it happens in order to make the neural connections in his brain that enable him to form attachments when he is older. Warmth and affection are what he needs above all else.

You won't know how he will relate to others and what sort of behaviour management will be most appropriate to him until he is old enough to know that his behaviour can influence the emotions and decision of other people. That is literally months away.

This woman clearly does not understand basic child development. Please be very careful about taking her advice. Her prophecy could become self-fulfilling in that children who have affection withheld as young babies could literally have their brain development impeded and turn into difficult older children as a result.

Follow your own instincts and be responsive to his distress. It really matters.

My DS was very unhappy at six weeks, he had silent reflux and was very miserable (screaming most of the time he was awake) until he went onto a prescription formula which helped the milk stay down once in his stomach.

He was all over it by 5 months and is such a laid back, happy child, he was just really unhappy because he was in pain. Your maternity nurse is really mad to try and tell a child's nature at six weeks. Congratulations on your boys.

Lagoona the short answer is 'yes of course'.

In practice I found that in our case it didn't happen very often.

Both of my babies were very long feeders (up to an hour feeding was common) so once they had a feed, had a nappy change and a play they go for a quick sleep already to start all over again. After about 10 weeks I found it extremely difficult to tandem feed them so fed one after the other. This meant that I was (in the early days) only rarely not feeding one or other baby.

The other part if the answer is that course that babies aren't always crying because they are hungry but might be too hot/cold, wet, bored etc. we learned to tell what kind of cry it was pretty quickly and that helped too.

Someone else up thread mentioned 'leaving the baby to cry with hunger' unfortunately one feature of having twins is that there is often always a baby crying because they aren't being immediately attended to.

As I didn't tandem feed often one twin would be fed to the sound of the other's crying.

I don't approve of CIO as a child rearing practice and always attended to them ASAP but the reality of being at home on your own with twins is that someone is often waiting for something (feed, nappy change, bath, toy, being moved rooms etc etc) and the one who is waiting will probably be crying.

Anyone who is a bit shocked by this be extra specially nice to any twin Mums it's often quite hard.

Bashful Bunny triplets? How wonderful.

You've made it to 10 weeks and can write coherent sentences? You are amazing! Have some