I have two lovely wonderful children, a girl aged almost 9 and a boy aged 5.5. Mostly they are well behaved, play reasonably together with only the usual spats and arguments, but with equal amounts of fun and love between them.
Up until recently. My DD has become more argumentative, demanding in her behaviour, deliberately ignoring requests, choosing to do the opposite of what has been asked, or if told not to do something, doing it anyway. However, for the most part, this has been taken on the chin by me and DH, expected part of growing independent, and we have been able to deal with it as we go along with consistency and calmness. It hasn't presented us with anything too unmanageable, or surprising given her age.
My DS's behaviour, and the two of their behaviour together, well that's a different story.
DS is 5.5, and it seems almost overnight, he has gone from a well behaved boy with some spirit and the odd naughty behaviour, often when hungry, or tired, and regular disruptive behaviour before school, which is all manageable, and interspersed with many, many positives - to a boy who is constantly not doing what he is told, ignoring us, shouting, tantrums, throwing things down the stairs wilfully, throwing things about, jumping on things, trying to break things. He says 'no' to many things we say, and his behaviour is borderline aggressive on occasions. He also gets into a state when he has a tantrum, in the mornings in particular when hungry and won't eat although hungry because he is so upset/angry, normally about something like not being allowed cake for breakfast, or coca cola for his drink (he never has these things for breakfast and doesn't have coca cola at all!).
But, the worst thing is his relationship with his sister. He is rude to her, picks on her, calls her names, hits her, tries to get her in trouble, name-calls, throws her things, knowing they are special things, runs around trying to grab her, making snide comments, threatening to punch her. He will push her buttons again and again, and often subtly until she lose her temper and screams at him, and she gets into trouble for invariably screeching and on occasions hitting him.
Now, DD is no angel, but, he just won't leave her alone, and it has made her general mood as above of being argumentative, and cross, even worse. She now as default is annoyed with him, and they argue almost as soon as they wake up until the moment they go to bed. DS generally finds it funny.
I don't know how to handle it. Neither does DH. We have tried, continue trying to be calm, consistent in our reactions, punishments, ways of handling, but the days are filled more and more with angry outbursts from us because the behaviour of both of them is intolerable. I don't want it like this, constant battle with both children, and the atmosphere is negative.
In particular it's DSs behaviour that is uncontrollable, he is wild, and either DD is wild with him, or upset as he won't stop picking on her, hassling her, making her upset. If we can help him become better behaved again, I think her behaviour will improve, and also become easier for us to figure how to manage.
Any ideas?