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Self Esteem in 11 yo girl - Help Desperately needed please

3 replies

Tillyboo · 14/11/2006 10:45

How do you help a little girl who

a) has no self esteem & gets very sensitive
b) doesn't care about having friends/ doesn't need them i.e. won't speak to them when they call or join in sleep overs (even though she is popular and has friends)
c) gets extremely stubborn over things
d) refuses to go to school on some days (when she doesn't like the lessons)
e) Doesn't want to do anything but watch TV or sit on the computer
f) has violent outbursts when she can't get her own way or is provoked by older sister

This little girl is generally very loving to her mum (my sister), almost to the point of being clingy sometimes, but can be equally horrible & show no respect at times.
Looking back it started at Nursery when she was 4yrs old. She seems to have a fear of failing or making a fool of herself. It's causing my sister great distress & upset. She is a separated parent and the father offers no support or help with this problem so she's on her own.
My sister recently bought my niece a guitar so she could join the club at school. It took a long time to save up for the guitar as money is very tight for my sister but my niece is now saying she won't join the club at school and will only learn if she is on her own and someone comes to the house.
I think she tries to control my sister at every turn but my sis suffers with low self esteem & gets very down and can be quite fragile at times and she's worried my niece is going to suffer with her confidence etc.too.
The school and doctors won't offer any help so can anyone suggest any support groups, help-lines and books on self esteem for children.
I want to help so thought I'd start on MN as lots of people have such good advice to give

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
mummyhill · 14/11/2006 11:48

No advice I am affraid but will bump for you for the afternoon crowd.

VoodooBanana · 14/11/2006 11:49

ahhh, Tilly, it must be awful to watch.

Sounds like possibly the daughter is picking up on her mums "weaknesses"
but, more positively,if she has friends at school, she must be connecting with them on some level?
could she be being bullied? children are loathe to tell for fear of worse treatment? Has the mum talked to any teachers?

why not encourage her mum to invite one special friend round to watch television/ hire a dvd/go on the computer/ spend some time together to build a closer relationship.

or some special time alone with her mum? It is hard for single parents, they have to do the work of two. Could the mum somehow learn the guitar at home with the daughter? you probably dont even need lessons there are plenty of easy to use self teaching books out there, and then when she can play a few chords maybe she could join in at school because she will feel more confident?

or a pamper night with just her and her mum, do each others nails, curl hair etc, maybe with the older sister too for some family bonding?

hope any of this could help them x

gege770 · 11/05/2021 17:49

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