Help - defiant & aggressive 2.5 year old

[Chocolateyclaire76]

I know she's 2 and I know that this is a tricky time in any parents life but I am really struggling to know what to do with my little one.

She was a very spirited baby and it's been a tough couple of years but the defiance and aggression she's showing now is knocking me for six.

She has extreme knee jerk reaction to everything that is not 100% what she wants - hair drying, teeth brushing, going to pre school, leaving the park, switching TV off, sharing toys, using cutlery etc... I know these are all clichés but her reactions are escalating. I have crouched down to her level, remained calm, explained things to her, offered consequences, used the naughty step at times, but nothing works. If I try to comfort her she pushes me away and her screams get worse. She's never liked hugs, which is heart breaking at times.

She can be very happy doing what she wants - but that's the problem, it's what she wants!

Can anyone offer some advice?

Hi. I've had/have the same problem with my just 3 yr old Ds. He was and still is very willful and demands my attention instantly. He is actually currently demanding a snack :)
I posted on here for advice. I followed the tips I was given and he's improved.
Basically consistency is the key is always use the naughty step and follow through on punishments.

I always pick a punishment that was doable for example if we were going to a friends house I wouldn't say we wouldn't go (as I would be punishing all 3 children and myself!!) But that he wouldn't get a biscuit when we were there.

I do heaps of counting to 5 and 'big boys choice' for example if he was lying on the floor kicking off during a meal he had a big boys choice either sit at the table and eat or he would have to go into his room.

We used his bedroom as a time out space as it was the only thing that worked. His room is safe etc so it was ideal.

I can't tell if its time that has improved his behaviour or us but whatever he's loads better and I feel calmer and less worried.

I would advise carrying on and don't despair. There's a lot to be said for time out in a bedroom as it gives you a few minutes too and hopefully your DD will calm down.

Just re read your post...i didnt think my ds liked hugs particularly but I've realised more and more that he does but again its just on his terms.
That said if you have worries it may be worth talking to your HV. I did as well tbh and she was very reassuring.

Good luck. I hope you see an improvement soon.

Thanks goldlion and I shall definitely try to be consistent. I know it's probably just a matter of time but it's just so draining!

I'm normal v laidback but my stress levels are going through the roof at the mo!

Same here with my 2 year old. He sounds just like you described and it is so draining. He has also been very spirited and a tough 2 years! I do the same as you described..some weeks it works and some weeks it dosent! Its a constant battle ground but i try to pick my battles carefullyif poss..trust me though some days its hard and you just want t snap! I think keep going as you are and remsin consistant in the hope some day it pays off..x