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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

Quick poll, almost 8, would you let him walk home from School?

24 replies

MrsSpoon · 13/11/2006 14:11

My DS1 is almost 8, DH is away today (he normally works from home so would be at home to watch DS2), DS2 had a sore ear this morning and was very lethargic etc. I warned DS1 that is DS2 was really ill he might need to walk home from School himself, about a 10 min walk. He has to cross two very quiet roads and then wait for me to help him cross the two busy roads, the point that he has to wait is visible from the livingroom window and I would watch for him, come out (locking DS2 in the house) and help DS1 over the busy roads.

This was the plan in case of an emergency but DS2 has chirped up and is well enough to come on the School run, DS1 however said that he hoped I wouldn't be waiting for him and he would have to walk. I know DH wouldn't be happy with the idea.

As a side note I have been awake since 4am this morning and can't think straight, although I think DH not being happy with the idea should probably swing it.

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Gameboy · 13/11/2006 14:12

SOrry, no. Too young IMHO.

moljam · 13/11/2006 14:13

i wouldnt personally,what is your dh reason for being against idea?i think if you both felt ok it would be different.

ScoobyDooooo · 13/11/2006 14:14

I think it is to young is well.

Enid · 13/11/2006 14:15

they are not allowed to walk home by themselves at this age at dd1's primary

bubblerock · 13/11/2006 14:19

My DS is 8 and walks around in a total dream so I don't think I will ever let him walk to/from school on his own!!

Original poster

MrsSpoon · 13/11/2006 14:23

moljam, my DH is against it simply because he thinks he is too young just now and although he would be walking through a residential area where there will be many children/parents he is mainly concerned about DS1 not being mature enough or able enough to deal with a stranger danger type situation.

I felt this morning that I had to put an 'emergency plan' in place in case DS2 was very ill (DH is away with the car) and I think DS1 being so excited about it and hoping that I wouldn't be there to get him threw me a little. I know of two children of his age who live nearby and walk.

I think you are all right and I'm glad I asked as I was leaning towards the easy option of standing at the livingroom window .

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Kidstrack · 13/11/2006 14:24

personally you know him best and how he copes with the quieter 2 roads, my ds is 71/2 and he has been allowed on 2 occasions to walk to school by himself(because he really wanted to), its a ten min walk for him and he has 1 road to cross but he is very good with the road as we walk that way everyday and he has been taught from age 4 how to cross when i'm there, he looks all ways and keeps checking when we cross over so i know he can concentrate when he is crossing the road that he knows well. My ds would like to walk to and from school on a daily basis but i just feel if he had to meet with some friends and play around then an accident could happen if they don't concentrate, also its winter weather coming up and i'm scared he wouldn't hear the cars so well with the wind and rain. Your ds is at the age where he wants to walk home by himself but ultimately its you who knows him best

Jaynerae · 13/11/2006 14:25

My DS is 7.5 - I wouldn't let him walk home alone (not sure when I will to be honest,) if anything ever happened to him I would never forgive myself. Strangely enough - it is not road safety that worries me as he is very sensible - I am terrified he could be abducted - and that is why I will not let him out of my, or my CM, or MY DH's sight. His school is a 10 minute walk and he can cross the busy road with aid of lollipop man and then stay on same path all the way home - so that is not the real danger. He wanted to scoot home the other day - so I let him but followed him in the Car - which I told him I would do and he really enjoyed it. But I often ask myself what I will do when he gets older and is at secondary school and wants to go out with mates - or walk home from school with them. Scary!

fortyplus · 13/11/2006 14:27

I don't think it would be good to spring this on your son in an emegency. You must walk the route with him, pointing out hazards etc. I think a 10 min walk alone is a bit too much at his age - leave it another year at least. Mine walked alone from 8 but it's only 3 or 4 mins with no roads to cross.
If ds2 only has a sore ear then I'd bung cotton wool in it while you walk there - or maybe even get the buggy out.

deegward · 13/11/2006 14:30

Yes I would, unfortunately dss go to a school that is 5 miles away so have to take by car, although if there was a bus route home at that age I would let him.

I think you have to let children build up their own sense of danger, and what to do if something happens.

Ok I know it was a few years ago, but at 5.5 I used to bus it home from school, and had to change buses. I know people will say different times etc, but I do think we cosset children far too much today. At 8 children should be able to cross roads, find safe places to cross busier ones, and do short errands.

Ducking now for the onslaught!

7up · 13/11/2006 14:33

10mins a bit of a long walk for an 8year old alone i think, can a neighbour sit with your little onewhile you go

Original poster

MrsSpoon · 13/11/2006 14:35

It's not so much been sprung on him, we almost always walk to School and back, the same route and we have discussed the dangers and recently he has been crossing the two quiet roads by himself (albeit under my supervision).

I have made the decision to take DS2 and go for him. DS2 is 4 1/2, we don't have a buggy for him anymore but there is certainly no issue with him walking now, he is well enough.

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deegward · 13/11/2006 14:35

I really don't think 10 mins is long for an 8 year old, I think things like this should be worked up to, but perfectly do able

deegward · 13/11/2006 14:36

Mrs spoon, how about waiting for him further and further down the route, ie closer to home, all of this week, and see how he gets on?

Original poster

MrsSpoon · 13/11/2006 14:40

That's a good idea deegward, I already wait a little bit away from the School, but still near enough that I can see him come out the School door and follow him with my eyes until he gets to where I am standing, I'll speak to DH later on in the week and see how he feels and also how he would have felt if I had let DS1 walk home (although from previous conversations I'd imagine he wouldn't be very chuffed).

Thanks for all your help and glad I asked.

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fortyplus · 13/11/2006 14:41

That's the right way to do it - but I think it was today's minor crisis that she was asking about

juuule · 13/11/2006 14:41

No. I wouldn't. Isn't there anyone else at the school who could collect him for you in an emergency? Or as has already been said is there a neighbour who would sit in with your poorly ds? Would the teachers let him go on his own? Ours won't let the children go until they see someone they know.
Deegward - 5.5y - more than 1 bus

fortyplus · 13/11/2006 14:41

And how about walking with a friend? Does anyone else live close by?

Original poster

MrsSpoon · 13/11/2006 14:47

I unfortunately do not have a neighbour who would sit with DS2 in the even of an emergency. It's not really the sort of street you 'get to know' people. I have started a thread in the past about my next door neighbour who knocked the door one night as my DS2 was having a tantrum and it was "breaking his heart", long story but he doesn't understand young children, also he sometimes drinks during the day and I have found him in his vesitbule in a pool of urine at dinner time in the past (presumably drink induced), I have business premises at the other side of me and the lady after that has not long been released from the mental hospital after being sectioned, that's my immediate neighbours. There are other parents in the street (further down) but I don't know any of them well enough. I'm not local to the area and my 'good friends' do not live near enough and all have children of their own they need to be picking up at other Schools at a similar time.

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Original poster

MrsSpoon · 13/11/2006 14:52

juuule, the teachers will let him go on his own, have done ever since he went into Primary 3 (we are in Scotland, not sure what year this would be in England).

fortyplus, I wasn't talking about a "minor crisis" when I initially talked to my DS1 I was talking about DS2 being really ill, at that point I didn't know if his sore ear would progress into a full blown infection (he is prone to them and can be really quite ill with them). However DS1 was so taken with the idea that was what made me question whether I should just let him get on with it.

I'm going to have to get going in a min or he really will be walking home!

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fortyplus · 13/11/2006 14:55

Good grief! Poor you.
In an emergency I think I would phone the school and ask whether anyone else could drop him home for you. Schools pretend that they don't do this sort of thing, but they do. A child in my son's class (not one of his friends so I hardly knew him) was unwell one day. His Mum works in London and couldn't get back for over 3 hours. The Head knew I'd be at home so called me and asked if I'd have him at my house till Mum got there. (Of course they ok'd this with the mum!)

Original poster

MrsSpoon · 13/11/2006 15:49

DS1 home now safe and sound, DS2 was a little sick on the way back home but nothing major, snot and pasta, just as I was trying to find a big leaf or something to cover it someone stood it in .

I realise I have probably portrayed a horrible vision of the area I live in but it's actually quite a nice area and the streets we walk through on the way to School and back are some of the most sought after in the town. The street we live in is just very busy and given the choice I wouldn't have picked our immediate neighbours, given the choice I would have moved our previous neighbours along here with us.

Today's experience has made me think that we do need to think about some sort of extra support, someone who could bring DS1 home etc. We do have two emergency contacts but they would be of no use at School home time as they both have children of their own to pick up at that time. I think we may have become a little too self sufficient with DH working from home we can usually manage this sort of thing no problem.

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LunarSea · 13/11/2006 17:51

deegward - I used to go to school on my own on the bus at 5 too, and have lived to tell the tale.

tbh I would actually trust my 5 year old ds to get to and from school on his own (10 minutes walk, less by bike), as he's very good about stopping and checking at the only road he has to cross, and knows the way well enough that he only stops and waits for me at the road and the bikeracks anyway!

Having said that we're pretty lucky in that our school has an after school club, which he could probably stay at for a bit in an emergency, we have neighbours on all sides with kids at the same school who could pick him up once in a while, and the retired inlaws only live 20 minutes away and would help out if they had to.

fortyplus · 14/11/2006 08:55

MrsSpoon glad it worked out yesterday. You just need to have a mutual arrangement with one of your son's friends' mums. But make sure you have them on your list of emergency contacts or the school may be awkward if they haven't had prior notice.

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