Ds is 4.5 yrs - when does it get better?

[idontlikeparks]

I'm a sahm and up to now the various stages have been challenging but enjoyable enough - in parts. This age is hard work! I really hate parenting at this point! He wants to be w/mates but not feasable 100% time. He's getting rude w/me. Won't hang out with my mate's children. I know testosterone plays it's part and once school begins it'll be much easier but when/if do boys get back to enjoying family again and stop being so utterly miserable?

There's a godawful testosterone surge in boys around four. Literally wondered if my ds was a changeling he was so cross, aggressive and unlike him. His was over by five and he's lovely again.

I came on to have a moan about my DS (4.5 also), he's driving me crazy with his whinging and moaning about Every Single Thing the past few days.

Interestingly, the testosterone surge has been shown to be a myth and the challenging behaviour at this age is more likely to be be due to boys and girls of this age finding a new sense of self but not having the tools to handle it correctly.

I shall aim to help DS find these tools once I have mustered up the energy and calmed down.

Here OP and Crazyqueen

A myth. Omg I totally bought that one!! My son definitely did...

^Steve Biddulph is exposed as getting his facts wrong - and is alleged to be refusing to answer questions on his evidence on the subject.

Last night, my husband took up the baton and tried to find out a bit more and cite sources. He discovered that Steve Biddulph may have made an honest (but nevertheless, totally inaccurate) mistake. It turns out that while there is no surge in testosterone at age four, there is a surge in Lutenizing Hormone, which creates the building blocks for testosterone, between the ages of 4 and 6. Effectively, Lutenizing Hormone builds the machine which WILL produce testosterone between the ages of 4 and 6, but that machine doesn’t get switched on until puberty. Here are his (brief) findings, with citations:

There is a rise in Luteinzing hormone between the ages of 4-6 in boys which drops again at around seven. The profiles for LH, FSH, testosterone and Estradiol are different for boys and girls. Lutenizing hormone stimulates leydig cell production of testosterone, it is curious that while there is an increase of LH in boys between 4-6 there is not a corresponding increase in follicle-stimulating hormone, testosterone, or estradiol during this period.

Debbie Guatelli-Steinbergy and Jennifer Boyce, “The Postnatal Endocrine Surge and Its Effects n Subsequent Sexual Growth” p663-681 in Preedy, Victor R. (editor) Handbook of Growth and Growth Monitoring in Health and Disease NewYork: Springer. (2012)

Lutenizing Hormone does not have an effect on behaviour, and the most likely reason for “challenging” behaviour at this age is developing independance and sense of self - this is the same for both boys and girls. Sadly, it looks like Steve Biddulph made a big mistake in mixing up LH and testosterone which has become accepted fact, when there is no basis for it, and right now, he isn’t owning up to it.^

Glad to hear others are struggling with their 4.5 yr olds. These last few days have been really tough. He wouldn't go into nursery today because his friends were waving to him from the window! He has been waking up at night crying and seems to work himself up into a state.

Another with a challenging 4.5 year old DS here!

He worked himself into a state last night because he had gone to bed and fallen asleep, but something must have woken him up. Because it was clearly still light outside he thought that it was time to get up and was very put out when I told him that it was still night time!!

Another dealing with a challenging nearly 4.5 year old. We went out for lunch last week and it was so embarrassing I left with him before the meal was over. Shouting, not eating, trying to run around - we never had this before he was 4. And the constant excuses to get out of bed is driving me up the wall.

You're not alone!