Behaviour in shops please help

[Pyjamaramadrama]

Ds is 7 now and I feel a bit like I'm talking about a toddler.

I could really do with some support in making him behave himself in shops as I'm clearly not managing.

The problems are that he wanders off, he picks things up constantly and he darts in front of people if he sees something he wants to look at.

I've reminded him and reminded him, he's lost me and got scared, but he will still do the same thing the next day, I've explained and explained about the dangers of wandering off, potentially breaking things, the fact that while shopping is boring the more he does these things the longer it will take, but the minute we get into a shop he does it all again.

I've made him hold my hand while we shop, but the second I turn my back to pick something up he's at it again.

I kind of feel it's come to a head today as something's got broken in a supermarket which I've paid for but I feel awful that he's still doing this at 7. It's never happened before but it's made me realise it's been waiting to happen, it was luckily a cheap item, I was really apologetic tried to pay and clean it up, staff were lovely but then the manager chased me out the store, shouted at me and had me go back in to pay for it.

I pre warn him, stay by me, don't touch things but there are no natural consequences and I'm not sure what consequences I should be giving so I'm really just nagging him and he's ignoring me so it's not working.

Short of putting him on toddler reigns or never taking him into a shop I don't k ow what to do next.

Well, reins are probably not a long term solution, it's true. However I would try to minimize how many times he absolutely has to come shopping with you.

Fundamentally shopping is really boring for small children. Can you make it more interesting for him by getting him to help you - fetch things, spotting things, hold the shopping list and tick things off, things like that?

My DC are awful. They are older than 7. Basically I just avoid shops with them. Fortunately they're old enough now to leave in the car playing on computer games.

One of mine is a terrible "toucher" / "fiddler" - he just has to pick things up and I can see your sort of incident happening. Better if his hands are occupied with pushing the trolley or carrying something. Can you keep your DS busy with something? I'm not talking about those model parents who give their DC a list and they educationally run round the shop and collect everything . But you know, big pack of toilet roll?

Bad form of the manager shouting at you though.

The manager was bang out of order - how dare she/ he chase you out of the shop, shout at you etc! Am livid on your behalf.

Hmmm maybe the manager going batshit was finally the natural consequence your dc needed I'm not livid on your behalf OP, we are going to send our kids out in the world and they will meet all sorts of folks, including people who get crazy cross when we break their things. My kids are asshats in shops and adept at tuning my nagging out, I think they'd remember and learn if that happened to them.

The manager didn't shout at the children, though, she shouted at OP - she wasn't the one who'd broken the item! Totally unacceptable. I'm often staggered by how some people get into managerial positions in a public-facing industry, who don't even have a grasp of basic manners!
Hope you're feeling a bit better about it now OP. Re the behaviour in shops thing, I guess I would employ the same strategies you use with your dc that work in any other situation, but also keep shopping with them to a minimum if you can (it's not for everyone - my dh behaves really grumpily if he ever has to go shopping, and he's in his 30s!)

The manager was pretty horrible considering I'm 39 weeks pregnant, ds was crying his eyes out already, I'd apologised several times and offered to pay for the broken item to be told it was fine and accidents happen. Only for then the manager to chase me out of the store shouting 'I'm not being funny love but....', he was very unpleasant although as a pp said such is life and perhaps it will teach ds that you can't always just walk away from things. My fault, I'm the parent and I shouldn't have let it happen, it was one of those turn my back for a second moments. Ds wasn't running riot he just keeps picking things up and me telling him doesn't sink in.

I honestly try my best, I try to pre warn him if we're going into shops, so I'll say I'm only going to get such and such, I'm not buying things if you keep asking, we need to be quick. I honestly try to include him, I don't do loud parenting but I'll get him to help me choose which fruit we need, let him choose some yoghurts or whatever, shopping is boring, I was doing it all online at one point but switched to cheaper. Supermarket who don't do deliveries.

Is he generally impulsive or just in the shop? I think I'd adopt a policy of not letting go of his hand & talking constantly, but you'll have baby to distract you soon.

Does he have to go with you?

What about a small reward when you leave the shop if no trouble, could be an extra penny to put in those spinny charity buckets, something small?

Oh OP sounds like a really distressing situation for you.

Do you have to bring him to the store with you? Can you explain to him that you re not bringing him and why- at 7 he should be able to understand consequences.
My DS (just turned 8) is terrible for listening and retaining info!
Also supermarkets - with lots of visual and auditory input can really overwhelm some kids.
We all have elements of sensory sensitives (I m not suggesting your child has or needs assessments or anything). For example if I did a sensory profile on my self - i m super sensitive to sounds and touch and can't cope with it all together - worse if I m tired. It s about knowing my triggers and managing around that.
For kids their sensory systems can become over whelmed with all the input of lights sounds noise - and they just have a melt down!
If you can't avoid him coming with you to the supermarket you could try a few strategies.

Before shopping sit down with him and explain simply what behaviour you want from him.

Give him a list of items he can get for you. So he has a purpose in the store but explain he must stay by you and not rush off to get it. Also keep re initial list relatively short so he s not getting too much. (Sometimes cutting out pictures of say a box of cereal you need and getting him to stick on paper as his list can help motivate him. ) if you feel he couldn't cope with getting items into his own basket you could just give him a list of items he must spy in the store and let him tick them off as you go around - this involved a lot of preparation in explaining he shouldn't touch or put any of them in the trolley but just tick them off the list, letting him use the camera on your phone to take a picture of the item to document he s seen them is another way of keeping his hands busy. When he has mastered finding the items and ticking them off the list but not touching them then you could progress to the other step of him completing a short shopping list of his own and getting the items to put into a basket of his own.

Another reward method is
Starting off the trip with 4-5 happy faces - he has to keep the happy faces and not gain sad faces for his behaviour. Maybe he can get a reward if he manages to end the trip with all the happy faces.

It s worth noticing too if his behaviour happens at the start or a certain time into the shoppig trip- ie does he enter the store an immediately fizz about, or can he manage for 10-15 mins then start?

Sometimes My children are allowed to purchase a small bread roll or item of fruit at the start of the shopping trip. They then eat it during the shoppig trip as we go around the store. It keep a them distracted!