I am at the end of my tether

[SparklyfestiveYellowFeathers]

I actually dont know wtf to do anymore. I could quite easily rip my hair out I feel that stressed.
I've posted a couple of times in the last 3 or 4 months about my dd and her behaviour but atm it is getting worse and worse.
As some of you may know, we moved house in the summer and then had a baby. DD has also started pre-school and she turned 3 last month.
Now everyone I speak to keeps saying how much of a change it is for her and yes I totally agree with that. I mean its a big enough change for me and dh and we are adults so it must be a huge thing for a little girl.
But it has got far past the whole change thing now and it is majorly spiralling out of control.
I am glad for the first time today that my parents have witnessed one major major scream fest and my mum has finally admitted that it was pretty bad. It was that bad, I actually thought she had gone blind or was having some sort of seizure because she clamped her eyes shut so tight and wouldnt open them. She was screaming mummy mummy even when I was holding her and nothing could console her. Altogether it lasted over an hour.
The other problems we have had are eating, wetting herself and bedtimes.
All this I have been told will ease and then finally stop. They are not its becoming more frequent rather than disappearing. She wets herself everyday about 3 or 4 times, depsite treats, encouragement, constant reminders, physically making her go, ignoring it, not ignoring it. Dinners, I have just totally passed to one side as it is so not an issue compared to the rest of the time. I've figured she eats when shes hungry, she doesnt starve herself so its not that bad.
Bedtimes are utterly horrendous. Previously we had an issue with having music when she went to bed. So as a result we took out the stereo and she didnt have it at all and tbh it was ok for about all of 2 nights. She looks for every delaying tactic going. Atm I honestly think the only way round it wouold be to take out every single thing in her room and I mean everything just to not give her an opportunity to delay bedtimes.
We put her stereo back in her room as it got that bad and again for the first couple of nights it was ok but after that she slipped back into her old ways and it was just as bad as before.
You give her a kiss and a cuddle, you tell her its the last one and the second you get to the door you can guarentee shes screaming kiss and cuddle again.
It is just so wearing now I cant describe how pissed off I am.

Dh thinks that we should be speaking to the HV about it all but even if we did, what exactly can she do?
All I do know is that something needs to be done because I cannot sit back and watch this carry on anymore.
My once delightful little girl has turned into a total monster and it makes me sad.

havent read the whole thread, sorry.

do you have any 1:1 time with your dd? could you arrange to go out with just her, to do something special together. do you have much quality time together? if not, could you build in 2 x 15min slots a day where you give her 100pc attention eg reading together, painting, doing a puzzle?

if she was given a little more of your time just for herself, maybe she wouldnt be fighting for your attention so hard.

not easy with a new baby, i know!

I'm having problems with my ds's strops so I really feel for you Feathers. It can be so stressfull and upsetting when all you are trying to do is make them happy and do the best for them.
I aggree with all the tips in WWW post.

I also agree with whoever said that 3 is harder than 2.

ps not suggesting for one second that you are neglecting her

I took my ds to the cinema today, just us, and he has been much better behaved today than he has all week. I do think that 1;1 time helps like noonar suggested. Its hard though to find the time when you have 2. Luckily my dh wasn't working today ( for once)so it was ok for him to stay with dd.

fwiw, when my sons went to bed a little later in the evening, they also slept a little later in the morning. Both of them (they are now 12 and 7) were always pretty good at that. I might just have been lucky there. I know some children wake up at a certain hour like clockwork, no matter what time they go to bed in the evening. I just wondered if you could try changing the timing of your dd's bedtime to see if she does sleep later in the morning, and if that might help things a bit.

I have a feeling that part of the problem may be the fact that your baby ds doesn't sleep during the day at the moment, so it's hard for you and your dd to be alone. Is there any way for your dd to see you on your own? Again, as a general thing, my sons were (and are) usually better behaved, calmer and less monster with me if I have times when I can give them sole attention without the presence of the other son.

I don't think that's the root of all your problem though, and agree you must improse boundaries as well.

Not much to add - any suggestions I have, have already been made. Especially about putting her back in nappies for a little while and giving her a later bedtime. If baby goes first then you can have some lovely one to one time with dd and it may help. It's a terrible age, ds2 is horrendous atm but he has autism as well and doesnt sleep. I am going through some of this too so you are not alone.

What I would say though is definately try to squeeze a little time in for you, your needs are very important and things you will feel stronger when you have had a breather.

I wish they can with a manual lol.

Thanks for all your replies.

Its quite difficult atm, like I said earlier ds is awake all day and like clockwork at 9pm he goes to sleep and thats him done till 6/7am. I'm very lucky in that respect.
Dd used to sleep in till 8/9 sometimes even 10am. This morning she was awake at 5:30am and that was it. No going back to sleep, she was up. So now come early afternoon shes going to be a total nightmare and if I let her nap she'll be worse. It doesnt help either that dh goes to work at 2pm and isnt back till tomorrow afternoon.

I'm really not keen on going back to nappies as before all this started she was excellent at going to the toilet so I feel it would be a huge step back. Not to mention the extra cost of it all.

When dh is off its alot easier because one of us will look after ds and the other will have dd. So either way they are both getting one to one time.

I will certainly try the tick thing tonight with her to try and avoid a bad bedtime. Tomorrow I'll speak to the school and see what they have to say but previous comments have been "she's just adjusting to the changes" and it gets brushed under the carpet.

Fingers crossed it will be a good day today!