4yr hits you every day, every week, once in a blue moon, never ???

[skybluedaze]

Hello everyone ! Have read lots of great stuff here on 'spirited' 4 yrs olds and what my DH unhelpfully but amusingly calls the 'hippy-dippy / don't take any shit' debate. I have two lovely kids, a very easy-going 3 yr old and a very challenging 4 yr old. Am at wits end and trying to work out just how extreme or normal my 4 yr olds behaviour is.....So, please tell me HOW OFTEN DOES YOUR 4 YR OLD LOSE THE PLOT AND TRY AND HIT YOU / AND OR SIBLINGS ? Thank you lovely people. I need to know.

In my experience whether you are take no shit or hippy dippy doesn't mean anything. If a child is string willed they will carry on regardless. I'm saying this after being incredibly judgy over hippy dippy parenting. And then along came dc2..........

That's strong willed. I feel string willed after a long day!

Probably every day. DC1 def has sensory issues and I recognise the "red mist" and the idea that they need to control what goes on. Naughty corners, steps, stays in their room, apologies and confiscation make ZERO difference. Empathy stops escalation - sometimes. Hunger or tiredness have little effect. Quite simply my 4yo still lacks the emotional maturity to verbalise feelings, control impulses, empathise or understand consequences. We'll get there soon I hope.

Naughty corners, steps, stays in their room, apologies and confiscation make ZERO difference.

Yes, definitely this when DS is in the midst of a tantrum! For other things like messing around at bedtime, just the threat of being sent to his room or having his Lego confiscated is enough to moderate his behaviour. But when he's already so totally overwhelmed by his emotions all they do is wind him up even more.

We've struggled on and off with this type of aggression with ds since he turned 18 months/ 2 years. He is an incredibly affectionate little boy who conpletely wears his heart on his sleeve and 'feels' a lot - both positively and negatively. We helped him by letting him know it's ok to get angry, upset, sad, frustrated etc but what he does when he feels that way is not ok if it hurts other people. He's always been very articulate for his age so there was no link between aggression and ability to articulate his feelings, he just needed help labelling them and focusing his aggression elsewhere. We also enrolled him in taekwondo classes where they're very good at reiterating it's only ok to kick and punch when you're in a class. All this helped hugely and since turning 4 we've had virtually no further instances. Those that have occurred tend to be focused at inanimate objects!