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Behaviour/development

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6 year old poo / behaviour issues

22 replies

CandyLane · 28/05/2015 11:29

we're seeing the GP this afternoon and just wanted some opinions about what is going on before we go in.

DS is almost 6 and holds on to his poo for days and days, on average he poo's once every 7-10 days. He just holds on to it until he can't hold on to it anymore.
He would only do it in a nappy until about 6 months ago and then he finally gave up and started going on the toilet but he kept saying that the toilet seat was too cold (it isn't and he usually doesn't have a problem being cold) and so would put a towel on the seat.
He's had an accident in his pants at school because he couldn't hold on to it any longer, and several accidents at home because he can't hold on to it any longer but refuses to sit on the toilet.
What bothers me the most is the anxiety he's experiencing over having a poo. Last week he got extremely worked up and started crying hysterically and took his shoes off and through them in a rage and hit me and kicked me, all because his poo was coming out, he couldn't hold it in and he would not go on the toilet.

We also have other problems with his behaviour and I don't know whether it's connected.

Sometimes he can be lovely but he gets very angry over very little, very easily.
If he doesn't get his own way he will have a total meltdown, kicks me, hits me, calls me names.
For example yesterday we were at the beach collecting shells, it was lovely, but then he got water in his wellies and on his trousers. He had a total meltdown because his leg was hurting where his welly had been rubbing and he had sand on his feet and wanted to get the sand off. All we had to do was walk 2 mins back to the car where I could wash him with a bottle of water, dry him with a clean towel and put his dry trousers and trainers on him. But he wouldn't walk and just lashed out at me.

These tantrums are ruining our lives, I know that sounds dramatic but it makes me avoid doing a lot of things with him, especially without DH, as I worry about him having one of these episodes and it's hard for me to control him. Most days outs are ruined by one of these meltdowns and I end up thinking 'why do I bloody bother?'.

I have wondered whether this could be sensory processing disorder?

He's also very sensitive to noises, he is petrified of hand dryers to the point where he will now only use the disabled toilets when we're out because there's often not a hand dryer in there and if there is he knows there nobody else in there to set it off.

I'm at the end of my tether now, I love him to pieces but I often don't enjoy our time together because he is SUCH hard work, he's mood swings are draining.

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Piratejones · 28/05/2015 12:29

This might be better if you ask for it to be moved to SN chat OP.

Please let him have a nappy to poo in, the very last thing you want is for your boy to get impacted, that's a horrible experience all round. At least with a nappy he'll go every day.

CandyLane · 28/05/2015 12:45

Pirate - no even when he used to wear a nappy for a poo he would still hold on to it for as long as possible.
He's been holding on to his poo since he was about 18 months old but even before that he was very particular about where he did it, used to hide behind the sofa or behind a door etc.
we didn't pressure him to go on the toilet, it was clear that he had a really 'thing' about pooing and my attitude was 'he'll go on the toilet when he's ready'. And he did.
But now he seems to have taken a step backwards. We don't have any nappies in the house any more which is why I couldn't give him one last week.
We now have some pull ups but he hasn't had a poo since. I'm expecting it'll be about monday/Tuesday before he'll go again.

OP posts:
Piratejones · 28/05/2015 12:51

It Sounds like he is in a constipation Cycle at the moment.To fix it you need Laxatives from the doctors to completely clear him out, movicol normally, and then more laxatives to get him going everyday and you do this for months until his bowel shrinks.

Geneticsbunny · 28/05/2015 12:57

He may or any not have asd (autistic spectrum disorders) but it might be worth reading about pooing problems related to asd to see if there are any ideas there which might help. My son does not have asd but he has many things which he struggles with which are part of the asd spectrum. He is 6 and I realised about a month ago that when he needs to do a poo he gets really emotional I,e, cries about everything and can't explain what is upsetting him. He doesn't seem to be able to tell that the feeling he is having is that he needs to poo to I have to tell him to go and once he has been he is back to his normal happy self. I am so pleased we worked out what was upsetting him so much.

Geneticsbunny · 28/05/2015 12:59

Read your second post properly and my son has sensory processing disorder. Sounds like you might be on the right track.

CandyLane · 28/05/2015 13:12

Yeh I don't think he's on the autistic spectrum, in fact I'm possitive that he isn't. But I think there's possibly an element of SPD.
Genetics did u have a problem with getting your DS to go to the toilet? I do wonder whether his behaviour is because he's constantly getting frustrated with having to hold on to it, he must be very uncomfortable.
He also seems very sensitive to being hungry. When he comes out of school his behaviour is often terrible until he's had something to eat. But he seems to not be able to recognise that how he is feeling is because he is hungry. But he does feel hunger because he constantly asks for food.
I'm so confused.
I just want to understand what is going on with him, I think once i understand him I'll be able to help him and our relationship will improve.
My DD (3) has selective mutism and once I understood what she's going through and what is causing her anxiety it helped massively.

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Piratejones · 28/05/2015 13:16

Candy this all sounds very much like SPD.

Jasonandyawegunorts · 28/05/2015 13:23

Hi Candy

This thread might help you out a lot. A gold mine of information and help.

You might find you have to go back to the start with nappies and start over to build his confidence again.

CandyLane · 28/05/2015 13:28

I'm glad you think so too.
Of course I don't want there to be anything 'wrong' with him but I want to understand him and help him.
I suffer with depression and anxiety so I was worried about taking him to Dr in case she thinks I'm just being neurotic, or just a crap parent.
I'm going to write everything down to take with me because no doubt I'll forget a lot of these little points.

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Geneticsbunny · 28/05/2015 13:29

My DS wasn't toilet trained until he was 4 and to be honest if I don't tell him to go throughout the day he just has accidents. It is like he doesn't understand what the feeling is. Luckily he has a big bladder so is mostly fine at school. Have you thought about keeping a diary for a couple of weeks to see if you can work out what is triggering him to be upset? With the food maybe having really set snack and meal times might help. I have an adult friend with autism and she says that she never feels hungry and then suddenly gets really light headed because she has forgotten to eat so she has to be really aware of 'normal' meal times,

Geneticsbunny · 28/05/2015 13:31

SPD isn't something wrong. It is just something different. Just means he is wired in a slightly different way and needs a bit of extra help to work out what that wiring means. Just out of interest does your DS struggle to find the right words for things sometimes?

Piratejones · 28/05/2015 13:35

You might find you have to go back to the start with nappies and start over to build his confidence again.

Bowel retraining isn't as easy as it sounds Sad

CandyLane · 28/05/2015 14:34

Genetics- he doesn't have a problem finding the words but if you misunderstand him he gets really angry and will struggle to rephrase what he meant.

I've just read this... www.sensory-processing-disorder.com/sensory-processing-disorder-checklist.html

And I found there are a lot of other things on that list that he does that I hadn't really thought about.
Things like he doesn't feel the cold easily, I just thought he was quite tough skinned, he hates wearing a coat unless it's freezing.
However he hates the wind! If it's windy he screams and cries.
He used to have a massive fear of falling, even just when I was carrying him he'd shout "I'm falling I'm falling!" When he wasn't. He's scared of swings and rides.
In fact he's scared of a lot of things.

He also used to hate being chucked around and being put upside down etc, the usually rough play that dad's do with little ones.
But he loves rough play on the floor and play fighting and gets way too rough with his little sister. When she was a baby (he was 3) he tried to be gentle and loving but just got carried away and his 'gentle' was actually quite rough.

He wets the bed because he just doesn't feel that he needs a wee, although that could also be because he's a really heavy sleeper.

But could all this be enough to make him so defiant and angry all the time? He's so unbelievably argumentative, he will argue that grass is blue and that the sky is green! He's really hard work!

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CandyLane · 28/05/2015 14:54

Oh and also a huge 'thing' about his socks! He's had meltdowns and refused to go to school because his socks are 'stupid' and 'annoying'.

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Jasonandyawegunorts · 28/05/2015 15:02

Turn them inside out, the socks i mean, not the school.
It puts the seems on the outside. please check out the SPD support thread.

CandyLane · 28/05/2015 15:09

I will do thank you.
I buy new socks for him often, it's once they start getting rough or too tight that they bother him. He wants them to just easily slip on to his feet, if there's friction they get flung across the room.

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Jasonandyawegunorts · 28/05/2015 15:14

buy a size too big

CandyLane · 28/05/2015 16:04

Yeh that's what I do now or I've found Matalan's socks are quite nice and loose.
It's hard work trying to be one step ahead of a tantrum all the time Sad

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Geneticsbunny · 28/05/2015 16:23

That SPD thread is really useful. I have the out of sync child on order but it hasn't arrived yet.

I have no idea if the word finding thing is linked to SPD or not. Just something my son struggles with which makes him get as upset as needing a poo.

I guess if things were constantly too in my face all the time it would make me grumpy and argumentative so I assume it won't be helping your son to stay calm but I guess you will just have to try adjusting things and see what helps.

With the speech thing we have been told to play lots of family games which involve describing things like that one where people have to guess which famous person you are.

PolterGoose · 28/05/2015 16:46

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bisnet · 29/05/2015 12:33

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Piratejones · 02/06/2015 10:46

Candy How are things now?

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