DD (19mo) won't play

[Passionwagon]

She just 'potters'. I'm a SAHM and each week we go swimming once, one toddler coffee morning, one play group and she goes to GPs for a couple of hours. Other than that we tend to spend the time at home. What I'm worried about is that she doesn't 'play' anything. She will happily potter around the house/garden all day, but does't play at any one thing. She generally likes to potter in the same room as me and I try to engage her in an activity and she will just wander off. I try at talk to her as much as possible, but it doesn't come naturally to me as I am quite a quiet person. I feel if we were doing an activity together I would think of things to say more easily. She has not got many words yet, and seems to be 'behind' with 'skills' (I saw a 19mo doing watercolours the other day - DD licks the paint. Also she can't do shape sorting yet - the shame!). I can't ask anyone in RL as I'm so ashamed I seem to be failing her. So I guess the questions are:

Is it OK that she doesn't play?

Does anyone have ideas for 'activities'?

Did/does anyone else struggle to do a 'running commentary' on their toddlers day?

Thanks in advance

I'm afraid I don't have any advice. But I can sympathise with the running commentary thing - I try to do it but it doesn't come naturally. I'm just not a massively chatty person. I do what I can but because it doesn't come easily I feel like I don't do a great job at it. We read books together loads though and talk about the pictures in them, and that at least makes me feel a bit better that I'm doing something useful!

When she potters is she pretending to be you, do you think? DDs favourite game is following me around doing menial tasks despite all the toys she could play with.

It's normal to have no patience to stick at one activity at 19mo, things that will briefly hold my 23mo attention are playdoh, decorating biscuits, playing with water and bowls, chalk on the patio, books, cleaning!, music. Maybe go for a walk and let her stop and look at everything and ask questions to get her to chatter? Can you see the bird, which flower do you like best etc.

Talk to a HV if you feel your DD is not reaching milestones but I wouldn't directly compare to what her peers are doing, they all differ

Thank you for your reply. It's nice to know others find it difficult. I'll carry on with reading, that is the one thing i don't struggle with and she likes it too.

thanks for the ideas snoz! I'll try them this weekend.

My girl is 19 months. At the minute she doesn't really play. She's not long been waking really and we go up the stairs then down again a lot she rolls around on the bed. I don't even know what we do with our day when I write it down lol but she definitely doesn't play at the minute. She's very demanding atm too. I'm assuming she'll get better at some point soon and b become a bit less demanding and all consuming and start playing again

My only qualification for saying this is that I have a toddler, but everything you've described sounds normal to me. My DS didn't speak very much before two, but then all of a sudden started speaking a lot and is now very chatty.

For activities, I would suggest just doing normal things around the house and having her do it with you, but trying to explain what you're doing and why: "grating the cheese to put in the omelette, beating the eggs" - but it's not like you can do this for 12 hours a day! I don't think that "activities" quite as you describe them work terribly well until they are a bit older - like, when they're older, you could do a whole arts and crafts activity about making something in particular, but now, especially when you're on your own, i think that's unrealistic. I think there are some things that are easier when you're in a big group with other people doing things so that you child can copy and follow the others.

but, basically, I think it sounds like you and your child are doing fine and you absolutely shouldn't feel like you're failing in any way! And, recognizing this, talk to some people in RL about how you feel - because you're clearly a good mum, but everyone needs friends and support and parenting a toddler is hard!

My dd is 15 months and rarely focuses on one particular activity! She mostly potters about or runs up and down the room or spins on the spot until she's dizzy . Like others have said she does like to watch me and copy me so if I get the dustpan and brush out she has a turn with it or if I'm hanging laundry she takes it all back off the line I just chat to her as I go along really.

I think what you've described sounds perfectly normal so I don't think you should worry!

What about books because the only thing that will hold my dds attention is being read a story and then you can also talk to her about the pictures and ask where's the duck, where the cat, etc.

I'm no expert but that's what I do anyway!

I think you're expecting too much for her age. DD was about 2 before she really got into painting and play doh (I'd recommend gloopy paint like crayola rather than watercolours - more sensory and satisfying for them. At this age it's about the process for them, not the result).

I don't think it was much before 2 that DD 'got' shape sorters too. (fwiw, at about the same time she got very excited about shapes, learned the words for them and started pointing them out in the street - which I think was quite advanced - so I don't think the lack of interest earlier was a problem.)

Stickers are fab at about 2 as well. You can get bags of craft ones, as well as sticker books.

At 2.4 DD still potters rather than really 'play' with toys - maybe spending a few minutes with a toy in passing.That's just starting to change a little bit now: there are a few pretend things she likes, like toy cash register, and she's just starting to like things like matching games. I do find that if she has just one playmate at home (rather than the excitement and hordes at playgroup) she's more likely to play with toys. It's almost as if she follows their example. I think you do need to 'model' playing quite a lot at this age, and I find that hard to do!

As for speaking - it's way too early for you to worry about how much she's speaking. I think very few say much at that age. My DD had only a few words at that age, got quite a few more by about 2 - and after that it exploded! They change so much at about 2,it's amazing!

There are some things you can do to help language, but don't feel you need to be talking non-stop. Narrating is good, but aim for short sentences and repeat in different ways, eg 'Cat! Lovely cat! Let's stroke her. Stroke, stroke stroke. Soft fur. We stroked the cat. Bye bye cat.' Then continue your walk, no need to speak until they show an interest in the next thing (which won't be long). The important thing is to always comment on what they are showing an interest in, especially if they vocalise about it. (don't correct, just echo in a friendly way). It does start to feel natural - honest!

Oh, and we spent a LOT of time on the stairs too - it's strange how much they love them, isn't it!

She sounds totally normal, absolutely fine, and just like my niece who's the same age. My DD is 26 months, and yesterday was the first time she's entertained herself for a long period with just a couple of toys. I think she's learnt at nursery that adults aren't there solely for entertainment.

Does she have toys? I don't think you mentioned anything specific.

Dolls and teddies, Duplo (can teach counting, colour, shapes, construction - build it up and knock it down!). Simple jigsaw puzzle and shape sorter.

Chunky crayons and paper to draw on. Safe child-friendly scissors, cut up junk mail and catalogues, and stick into scrap book. (Before children can properly use scissors, they may use two hands, like shears, and you will need to hold paper for her.) Big beads for threading onto laces, or empty cotton reels.

My ds is similar he will play with his cars for a few minutes here and there throughout the day and occasionally stack cups or 'play' with his kitchen( mostly involves banging the pans) most of the time he likes jusy walking around getting into eveything, looking in cupboards, pulling out said cupboards contents going up stairs, chasing me etc. I think it's normal. Strangely though when we go to toddler groups he plays with all the toys there for ages, even ones we have at home. At home he doesn't even look at them