Help! Ds, 3, behavioural issues at preschool

[DarkArtofMotherhood]

Sorry for the super long post - it's my first time posting.

My 3 yr old ds has struggled to settle at preschool, he's been there since Sept and even now, still talks about not wanting to go every day. He CAN be very boisterous (has 3 older siblings) and had an extended period of aggressive behaviour (biting and hitting) when he first started preschool.

He was much improved, but since Easter has regressed, however the aggressive behaviour is now only apparent at preschool not at home, or at our church crèche.

The preschool are now saying that they will only have him back in sept if they can get 1-1 support for him and want to get SENCO involved, but we're feeling uncomfortable about this, as his behaviour is fine in other settings. He's waiting on a speech & language assessment (has grommets for glue ear) and are concerned that he's struggling in the large preschool setting with his language & communication, and so want to wait for the outcome of this before we go down the SENCO route

Are we overreacting to their senco suggestion? They have been keeping a rap sheet of his "crimes" but haven't shared it with us, nor have we been asked to discuss his behaviour with them, before they dropped this bombshell (which was delivered in the preschool foyer at pick up time). I'm wondering if maybe we got it wrong with the choice of preschool, or whether he should be going at all until his speech/hearing issues are settled.

Any thoughts or similar experiences?

Request a meeting with whoever is in charge, cld you get advice from health visitor maybe as well.
I would be asking to see the records about him. What behaviour management protocols are they following etc.

Thanks @fannyfifer. We've asked for that, but they're insisting that the SENCO be there, which is annoying me. Surely we should be finding out the details of his behaviour first? Feeling massively steamrollered by them ??

Do not be steamrolled by them!

Is the pre school attached to a primary school? I would like to believe they want the SENCo involved so they can do the best for the child; but it may be to 'cover their own backs' in case anything goes wrong.

These days, I was under the impression it is very difficult to get 1-1 support.

If they are suggesting 1:1 support then his behaviour must be quite challenging. Ferguson is right that it is very hard to get appropriate funding so they obviously have some concerns.

At home and the church crèche, the group situation is presumably much smaller and quieter which may be helping him to cope.

I would arrange to meet with them, with the SENCO, and hear their concerns before making any decisions.

I presume from what you've said that he starts school in September 2016?

I have a ds with glue ear (he's on his 3rd set of grommets) and there are behavioural issues associated with it.

The behaviour does come out in some settings and not others. That's for a variety of reasons.

1. They have to concentrate so hard to hear things said that they get tired quickly and some of the behaviour is due to tiredness. At home you would adjust what they're doing to fit, but it isn't always possible at preschool.
2. Because of the background noise-which can be quite loud, they have sensory overload. They're hearing a bit like a swimming pool. Constant loud noise, and straining to hear the particular noise that effects them.
3. They can't hear all instructions, for some children they just follow what everyone else has done, for others that means they panic and act out because they don't know what to do.
4. They can struggle socially as they can't hear what friends say.
5. They can also lash out in fear when a child startles them because they didn't hear them coming.
6. They can be very wriggly at carpet time simply because if they are tired they often switch off listening.

For ds he did struggle at preschool, and year R. He's now in year 3 and much better.
But if they think they'll get 1-2-1 then he must be presenting quite a problem.

I don't think that meeting with the SENCO is a bad idea at all. She should have ideas on helping not come to criticise. Ds had for a time an IEP for his speech. The SENCO is there to suggest appropriate help for your child. They're not there to rush in unnecessary labelling, more to look out for your ds and have ideas that can help him.

I'm not sure why the idea of 1 to 1 is such a bad thing to you. Surely it may be a good thing so he feels less anxious and is able to take part more if there are some communication issues etc making things more difficult?

We have a ds who is undergoing assessment for autism and is due to start pre school in sept and we virtually jumped up and down with joy when the head said they would arrange 1 to 1 support for him. It's been a big weight off our shoulders knowing he is going to be supported.