Not sure if I should be worried or not about my DD??

[Luce44]

Hello,

I'm new to Mumsnet & this is my first post, I'll try not to write an essay! My DD has always been quite a spirited child, for me the terrible twos were really quite terrible & three wasn't much better, she can be very strong willed & have endured many a meltdown over the silliest of things! Things did improve & she seemed easier going, the tantrums became less frequent. However over the last couple of months, she seems to have regressed & is being very difficult again for me, this seems to have coincided with me going back to work after being on mat leave with DS. DD has always been a pretty confident & settled child with nursery etc. however over the last couple of weeks she has been upset about going to preschool & been reluctant to go which I assume is linked to me being back at work. She is very emotional about everything, DD is a very bright child & knows probably too much for her age, she has been asking me about death quite a lot recently. This could be a phase which I'm hoping to ride out, I keep talking to her & trying to reassure her about me working & the days/times I will be at home, I work 3 days.

Whilst this has been going on I've started to wonder if there is some sort of behavioural/developmental problem. Someone did mention Aspergers which I did google & there are a few things that ring true - advanced communication, tantrums & social interaction. DD is a pretty social child but I have noticed in group situations she will usually be the one on her own, happy to just play by herself & sometimes seems more interested in adults.

Sorry for the lengthy post but just wanted to have a bit of a brain dump as this is on my mind a lot right now!

Any thoughts/advice welcome! x

Hello! My 4yo dd is similar, even down to regressing (she wants to be like her 1yo brother) and asking lots of questions about death. I confess I have also wondered about aspergers, she wouldn't talk or interact with other children til she was 3 and used to scream if another child tried to interact with her. She is still quite uncomfortable and anxious around people she doesn't know well, or if I'm not there.
But at the moment I don't think I'd be doing her any favours trying to label her, I'm just trying to be positive, make sure she feels loved and secure, and trying to find ways to build her social confidence (her little brother has actually been brilliant for this). Try not to worry too much, she is who she is and everyone has ups and downs, if there is anything going on it will be more obvious with time and she's only young (and a bit unsettled at the moment).

Many children go thru a phase asking about death at this age as they are just beginning to comprehend the idea. It can cause anxiety and it may be feeding into separation anxiety with you going back to work and her going to preschool. She doesn't sound like she has any developmental problems - just a normal toddler phase. Children this age frequently parallel play rather than playing 'with' other children. Regression is a very normal state of development for children when dealing with change. Try not to be anxious yourself as this may communicate to her.

I agree with everything adoptmama says.