My eight year old can't take failure

[Pinkandpunkjoleene]

I'm looking for advice or a really great behavioural book recommendation. My son is generally bright and happy but if he takes on a task / challenge he reacts at the first challenge by losing his temper/crying/pushing his little brother out of frustration. He'll then beat himself up, calling himself stupid and dumb etc. I'm at a loss what do do, encouraging him is just met by further negativity. The trouble is, his reaction also makes me feel cross and frustrated as I hate to see him like this and I know how pointless it is getting so cross over something. I know this isn't helpful to him but I don't know how to react when he's like that, I've tried just ignoring it and moving on to something else but then he accuses me of not caring and that's another battle in itself. Has anyone experienced similar problems?

Have you read How to talk so kids will listen?

My 6 year old DD is like this. She flips into hysterics and at one point she would hit herself really hard with frustration. I just try to stay calm (which is very very hard at times) and keep telling her she doesn't have to get it right straightaway. I point out to her how long it took me to learn how to do things, or other people.

I have no idea if what I do is right, but I have found her easier to manage the longer I use that method. Its basically just constant reassurance, telling her she is clever and reminding her that everyone struggles but that reacting hysterically doesn't help her achieve the thing she is trying to achieve. Also positive praise when she manages to keep calm in a situation where she would usually flip.

Thanks sliceofsoup, I do those things as much as I can, I would really like to find a way to help him to see things differently as well

No I haven't read that, I'll check it out