Dd selfish IMO - opinions please.

[Posey]

Dd is 9 and generally a very nice girl, but tends to be a bit egocentric at times.
Anyway she has been invited to a friend's house after school tomorrow, not a rare thing or a particular treat. Its also Brownies at 6.30. Now in order to collect her, I'd have to walk (they're in the C charge zone, we aren't) which would take about 25 minutes. Then to Brownies (25 minutes) then me home (20 minutes). If she didn't go to her friend's it would be 5 mins in the car to Brownies.
Now normally I wouldn't mind but tomorrow it's my birthday.
I am fed up because she doesn't seem to think there's anything wrong with not seeing me all day on my birthday and she thinks I'm being unreasonable in moaning about walking over an hour in the cold and dark on my birthday.
If it was a special treat, a party or sleepover then fine no problem. I guess I kind of expected her to say, "sorry I can't come, its mum's birthday". But what bothers me most is her lack of being able to see why I'm bothered IYSWIM.

Ho-hum.

Opinions please.

And please, not the "wait until she's a teenager" response.

Posey - she is 9 years old - if you don't want to do it then just say no.

I don't think she is old enough to 'own' your feelings on this IYSWIM. It is up to you to decide what you want to do on your birthday and if that doesn't include a 1 hour hike through London then just tell her she can't go.

I would just say sorry not tomorrow and thats it!
Could the mum not drop her home?

I'm pretty sure that's normal for the average 9yo! I don't think her wanting to go to her friends or the brownies is selfish really - I think it's just the one hour hike that gets in the way iyswim. (Now if it were dh telling you he was going out with his mates on your birthday, that's a whole other matter!) Is it possible to get a taxi on this occasion and plan something special for yourself with dh later on? Kids just don't hold the same sentiment for birthdays unless it's their own of course!

ps - Wishing you a very happy birthday for tomorrow, however it pans out.

Oh I'm in charge alright and she isn't going! Just wondered if me feeling p**sed off with her lack of thoughtfulness was odd. I wasn't asking if you thought I should let her go or not.

Oh - I'm also with Mag1 though - if I really wanted her home that day, I'd just say 'sorry, not tomorrow, but we'll arrange it for another day'. You still call the shots.

Mind you who wants a grump around the place!

I think its the fact that if she goes to this friend's at quite a distance, I'll barely see her as she won't be in from Brownies til nearly 8.30.

Anyway, I seem to be in the minority. Had better get my head around this new age and stage or we'll end up clashing more than we already do.

Ds1 is fast approaching 9 and I'm already seeing certain changes in his attitude from time to time. Scary isn't it?

Any chance of getting a babysitter in on Saturday night to celebrate properly?

Do you know what the problem is really? I think its her growing older (not me) and the fact she is argueing more, wanting her own space etc etc, and I feel a bit sad that she doesn't particularly want to spend birthday teatime at home.
We're actually away Saturday night, in a hotel, in a family room
Thanks for chatting!

9 year olds don't see anyone's birthday as important unless it is their own, and I'mn afraid that as here mother, you are practically furniture.

To her, there isn't anything wrong with not seeing you on your birthday, she probably genuinely can't see why you care. She isn't being selfish, don't worry, you aren't raising a monster, she is just being nine. Just say no, don't expect her to understand, or be happy abouyt it, or repent, because the chances are she won't. She will be pissed with you for wrecking her plans.

FWIW I tghink you are being perfectly reasonable.

Thank you. You've made me feel heaps better

Posey, completely empathise with you as I have a 9yr old daughter too!
Not saying for one minute that this is the right way to tackle it, but as I am so sick of arguing with my DD too, I would go for the completely hurt Mum approach!

It's YOUR birthday and you were hoping that everyone might be around for tea etc etc. to help you celebrate it.
They are all self absorbed until you put it right under their noses, dont always think they mean to be. Ours are no different. Promise
I wouldnt do all that for her on my own birthday !!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY FOR TOMORROW !

My 9 year old dd wouldn't think twice about going out on my birthday either.

I'd quite like the idea of having as much time to myself on the day, but must admit that I would baulk at the walk bit though

What you're doing is fine but I'm sure your dd won't be grumpy if she's joining in the celebratory tea?

Happy birthday!!!! how many candles on the cake??? less than me I bet

I hope you sorted it all out but I would have said no as well, wouldnt bee so bad if it was a 5 minute drive but an hour walk no thanks!!!

Thank you!
I had a lovely day. Dh took me out for lunch, we compromised on dd's social life so all happy.

whispers don't tell everyone!

awww glad all went well in the end!!!

less candles than me but I have decided to be 21 plus quite a few

Happy Birthday Posey.

Have a slice of cake!

Awwww, thats very sweet of you, thanks!