Behavioural issues with one of my twins

[chocolatedrops31]

One of my twins (15 months) is very high maintenance. She will often happily play with toys (is interested in a wide range of toys) if she can't see me or my husband but once she sees us, she will hysterically cry until we pick her up. We are on holiday at the moment and we've barely had a moments peace. She has hysterically cried for a great proportion of the time, really ruining family time. I don't think there's any deeper issue-(ie physical)-she eats and sleeps well and does not behave like this when with my au pair. Even one on one time with her is ruined-when she's with me she's only happy if sitting on me and me reading to her. This is unsustainable-I also have her twin sister and 3 year old son-and need family time to be pleasant! I've had advice to ignore her cries and only reward 'good' behaviour but this means having to withstand a great deal of crying.. Any help much appreciated!

It's a key time for separation anxiety. She is just beginning to realise she is a separate being from you and that is increasing her anxiety. It's really hard for you but I think it's probably entirely normal so just try and be patient and as responsive to her as you can be and take your lead from her as to when she is ready to be less clingy.

This was me. I had an older son and twins. One cried like crazy as a baby but stopped as she got older and then the other picked it up. I tried the ignoring and used to get really worked up. I couldn't leave her at nursery without a big to do etc. now, they are 5 and very independent. I do think she just needed the extra attention. Now that she is older, I asked her why she gets so worked up about certain things and she said it is because she was scared but due to a speech delay couldn't express it any other way.

I wish I had been more patient. It is just so hard when you have the 3 so close in age. I was exhausted.

Let her sit and read and let the others join you. I used to have one on each knee and the older one in between. She never left my side at play groups and was attached. I have had to learn to slow down for her and not do too much. This time will pass. You are just in the thick of it.

I know this is my family but my son was 6 and the girls were 4 and it was the first time thinking, 'wow, this is okay. I can do this and we can have fun'.

Thanks both. That advice feels more natural to me than those who suggest I should ignore her tantrums! That's just feels wrong. I guess I'm going to have to go with the flow a bit more rather than constantly worrying about long term consequences and give as much attention as I can! Hope I don't have to wait until the twins are 4 though, before things calm down! I'm also a bit worried that the other twin will question at some point why she gets less attention for being 'better behaved' but I guess we will have to try as much as we can to give her maximum attention too

I would just hug when necessary and you can. give the other twin attention in different ways: eg. can you hug clingy one whilst helping the other with colouring in?

It is extremely unlikely that your DD will be like this when she is 18. (And maybe she doesn't do it with the Au Pair because she isn't as happy/safe with her?)

She is happy with the au pair..and when we are out of sight. She's chatting happily (in baby language!) and playing with all her favourite toys. She does this sometimes with me, but then suddenly seems to almost remember that she can't/shouldn't be happy and starts whining/crying again..I guess that's one way to guarantee she will be picked up! I'm trying to do more to reward 'good' behaviour, so actively pay attention to her when she's not demanding attention as hopefully she will then learn that there are other ways to get attention.