Sensitive 7 Year Old

[hayley25g]

Hi All,

My daughter is 7 and in her first year of Junior school, her birthday is in August so she is one of the youngest in her year group.

She is a happy, enthusiastic little girl who in an ideal world would love everybody to be best friends and get along. The problem is she is very sensitive.

This morning she came out of school crying because some girls were saying she had written a love letter to a boy in her class. She regularly comes home and says so and so was nasty to me today because of...(insert something really silly here). We have had a couple of issues we have had to see her teacher about and they have been dealt with but how do we get her to realise that sometimes children say silly things and tease but she needs to stick up for herself and laugh it off or ignore them.

I've sat down and talked about it to her but it just doesn't sink in. I don't want her to be know as a cry baby or to be left out because she can't take a joke.

Hello Hayley

Not sure I can be of any help, but DD (6) sounds very similar to your DD. I'd also describe her as very sensitive.

She seems to have a pattern of being more 'normal', followed by a terrible patch where everything affects her deeply.

She's started to have friendship trouble (one of my biggest fears, and not unexpected), and she constantly talks about her friends 'being mean', 'hating her/each other', or feeling sometimes stuck between her two best friends. Tears are a daily thing after school at the moment. Like your DD she really thinks everybody should get along and just cannot process unkindness.

I spoke to her teacher, only to be sure she's not the same at school (she seems to cry only at home, but she has always been generally 'whiny' and cries when she hurts herself longer and harder than other kids). Her teacher says she's been fine, but she has noticed little tiffs in some groups of girls, so they are planning team building activities, and generally encourage them to play with other people and be nice to everyone.

Like you, I also worry that she will be left out because of her personality. My approach is to gently encourage her to get over her upsets, to realise that people don't always mean what they say, and that you cannot be best buddies with everyone, no matter how great that would be. I try to talk to her at bedtime everyday, gently, without insisting as that seems to make things worse.

We have a book called "How to be a friend", but we only just started reading it. She seems to be taking some of it in, and I think I'll buy her one called 'What do you do when you worry too much'.

Ultimately, I think it helps both DD and me just to know that there are other children (and parents!) in the same boat . In time, with our support and as they grow up, relationships will become easier - I hope.

DS1 is also end of August, and has suffered some mild bullying. Best thing to do is talk to the teacher, and continue to cultivate good relations with teachers as she moves up the school. Make sure she know the teacher is her ally.

My daughter who's 7 is the same. Gets hurt very easily. Complains about kids being horrible to either her or even other kids(eg there's a kid who has learning disabilities who the kids are not very nice to). I just say to be nice to this other kid but try to be a bit horrible back to the ones being a bit nasty, even if u don't want to be a bit horrible ie stick up for yourself. She cries very easily at home. Have you read Elaine Aron's 'The Highly Sensitive Child'? Might help you.