Very strong willed 2 year old constantly slapping..any help please

[NessaWH123]

I have a VERY strong willed and determined 2 year old. He has been this way since he was born and is becoming more so..he has an awful habit of strongly pointing his finger at people, shouting no and often slapping out at others ALOT. We use the time out step method when we can and he his firmly told that it isn't kind. but when he is out and about doing it in the street/on the school run in the playground / passing people we are stuck how to keep dealing with it then. Even on the time out chair he still laughs at us sometimes. He argues and tantrums a lot of the time anyways and has a very explosive personality. Is this normal? Any advise how to help him? He has zero patience. Any help? Thanks

Bumpx

Have just typed out a full message and it deleted :-(
Here we go again:
Time-in - cuddle his in with his arms pinned in to prevent hitting. Explain why - we don't hit people because... Then count down from ten. If he kicks off during countdown start again from ten. When you get to one tell him what you need him to do - I need you to say sorry to X for hitting them.
It doesn't always work. It took us 40mins the other day to get an apology. Some days we whispers e countdown other days we singing it or say it in a funny voice to try and get him to laugh and break the red mist. I've found the 'threat' of sitting on my my knee for a mummy cuddle works wonders in getting him to do what I need. We do use this method when out and about, it may look odd but it's better than the alternative, which I've done, which is dragging a screaming, writhing child off the floor by one arm and getting out of there as quick as possible. We tend to only use time out not if my blood is boiling too and we both need some space.

We've been working on patience too. If he asks for something we tell him he has to wait and count down from 10, you decide the speed but make sure that on 1 he gets what he asked for so he knows to trust you. Then we moved on to telling him to wait then becoming preoccupied with something 'would you look at that the washing machine has finished - unloads machine - oh yes, you wanted xyz great waiting there!' It takes time and we still have to work on it and tweak things - I have a silly waiting dance which I get him to join in with If there is a time delay ie toast, microwave - and it evolves as he grows. Our problem at the mo is the intensity of the tantrum when it's thrown where I've found it's best to leave him to sob it out before going in with a time-in. Saying that we are doing it a lot less often. Now just having to contend with the whinge. Any advice for that?

Sorry for all the typos hope it still makes some sense.

Thanks so my for replying tea4two4three that's good advise I'll try can I ask how old your little one is? I know what u mean about the tantrums. We have also found best t leave him or he gets worse now the whinging is a whole different thing and sooo annoying we get it loads and I'm afraid we either just ignore (easier send than done) or a short low voice to stop it which sometimes works (and sometimes dosent!) No new ideas I'm afraid x

He turned two in April. Cutest thing in the world but my god he's a menace! We've started whinging back at him which does work as it makes him laugh but it's not permanent. Have also tried ignoring him and telling him that grown ups ears can't hear the sound he's making so to talk in his proper voice - he'll then shout 'biscuits!' at me then continue to whinge. I haven't had a proper chat with him since Wednesday as it's been a constant whinge, blurgh! (I thought he might be poorly/tired/hurt but he was at nursery this morning and they said he was brilliant. I think he just sees my weakness and exploits it.)
Every time we seem to crack one thing the next phase starts. Unfortunately all the advice I've read starts with understanding, patience, love etc but when you are being hit and your ears are bleeding it's sometimes difficult to be empathetic with the little darlings :-/

Lol yep sounds just like a post I could have written ! My little one was 2 in march and yep heard it all with the love and patience stuff which is fine on a good day but we then get weeks of moaning whining and tantrums and I struggle to empathise aswell_!! Some days r just embarrassing to take him out my little one is so loud as well which makes it worse. I keep hoping its teeth etc so a good excuse and will pass but like u say the the next phase starts. My little ones language isn't great so he also gets very frustrated xx

And yes when I pick him up from his childminder I can get a very different report from how he is at home. The transition from childminder to home often dosent go well the chilinder agrees he is so strong willed and determined. More than any child she has had which will b good in later life but bloody nightmare now!;)x

Haha! People keep telling me just how confident he is. The way they say this whilst grasping their little one safely under their arm leads me to believe it's not a compliment ;-)
I blamed his teeth for a while but really he's just a little sod. Also very embarrassing I was once doing the countdown and hadn't immobilised his hands and got slapped right across the face, the noise echoed around the cafe we were in. It went really quiet and someone's grandma came across patted me on the shoulder and told me her gdaughter used to do the same. I could have cried. I'm hoping he'll meet his match soon and it will stop him in his tracks. As long as he comes back with both eyes it's fair game, right?

Yep think some are just more challenging than others eh!!;) that is so hard when u r out I feel for you and know how it is not that that makes u feel any betterx