Feeling disconnected to my daughter.

[Singlegaymumofonetoddler]

Just a after a bit of advice from someone who may also have experienced this. Or it may be a case of 'put up and shut up' which is fair enough.
I'm a single mum to a 2.2 year old girl. I find myself constantly loosing my patience with her as she never, ever sits still and it grinds me down. If she sits next to me I feel really annoyed after a few minutes due to her constant wriggling, fussing, arms and legs shooting in and out, getting up and down, twisting and fidgeting. I'm aware this sounds pathetic but it's starting to drive me insane. I would love more than anything to be able to sit and have a lovely calm and relaxed cuddle with her. She has always been like this even as a small baby and I'm convinced it's why I don't feel as bonded to her as I should. Other than that she's pretty normal, hitting her milestones, eats well, is chatty and sleeps well.
I've just read what I've written and I'm really cringing as it looks so lame and whiny but I am around my friends children a lot of the same age and they happily sit calmly on their mothers laps (and mine). I wouldn't mention it but it's starting to make me cry most days as I feel so disconnected to her so hence why I'm asking for help.
Thank you in advance.

Do you take her in the garden or to a park regularly so that she can burn some energy off? Maybe if you can tire out you would both enjoy a bit of quiet time afterwards. Also with feeling irritated with her, can you set her up with an activity and then go and have a cup of tea in the next room so you can just breathe? Or maybe you could look for more things to do together that do involve her moving around, playing together, silly dancing, things that you will both enjoy and will strengthen your bond but won't annoy you because she isn't being still. She sounds like a normal toddler so you probably need some advise on changing your outlook or coping methods which I'm sure someone else will come along with. I haven't yet had a baby so I might be talking bollocks but from looking after friend's kids for just days at a time I totally understand where you are coming from, it is endless and suffocating and part of motherhood i don't look forward too.

Also, I'm sure it will pass!

Sorry, I meant to say as well that it sounds like you are finding things really hard and are on your own. Are they're any toddler groups near you that you could go to and have some still and adult conversation with you while the kids do their thing?

My 18 month old is like this and it can be really bloody irritating! Agree with the wearing her out thing, mine is just an absolute bundle of energy and needs exercising like a dog!

Thank you for your replies, much appreciated! The only thing is I'm not sure it's because she's not worn out enough. Firstly she's always been like this, even as a small baby, and she's like it in all states, at all times of the day, no matter what we've been doing. Yesterday we had just come back from a big walk and a play group and she was still like it, just before her nap.

No judging here as my son is 2.4y and exactly the same, drives me mad. Never have cuddles as he's clambering off, when we go out we can't queue for anything unless he's in a buggy as he bolts off. All pretty normal I guess, but very irritating.

It takes a long time for children to learn to control their limbs. I hate to say it but she may be around seven by the time she can completely sit still. My eldest used to always hit herself in the face and wake herself up- it drove me insane! She sleeps like a log now, dead still. But my youngest, the only time he's still is when asleep I'm afraid. Just don't sit so close to her - we have a cuddle when he's dropping off and it's lovely.

I can understand the this might be really frustrating, and I admire you for having the insight that it's why you haven't bonded so easily. I hope I have some advice that will help you to get closer.

I wonder if perhaps it's making you frustrated so much is that being fidgety can actually be a sign that a child carries a lot of stress and tension, and you're picking up on that.

As she's always been like this how was her start in life? Was pregnancy or birth stressful at all?

There are some ways you can help her release any stress and tension, so she'll feel more relaxed. Lots of physical play with laughter where she gets to take the lead (rather than tickling or anything that makes her feel powerless)

Crying is also a healing process for children. Cortisol, the stress hormone is released through the tears. Does she get upset about things much? It's really helpful if you can allow her to cry freely with lots of hugs, and cuddles, rather than distracting her or trying to get her to stop too quickly. Crying can actually be helpful to help kids relax and get rid of tension, as long as everything's fine in the present, and they don't have an obvious need like hunger or thirst, or are in pain etc.

Google Aware Parenting or Hand in Hand parenting, and they have some really useful resources for helping children deal with their responses to emotions, and stress, and building close connections. Good luck.