Greedy or hungry?

[steppingout]

Hello,

I'm a fairly new step parent and wondering if anyone could give me some advice based on experience... My dsd is 8 and always eating/bothering us for snacks - I find it really difficult to work out when she's actually hungry. I've talked to her about reasons people might eat other than being hungry and after thinking about it she said she thinks sometimes she's just bored, and I think she does also associate being given food with comfort/affection.

She gets a snack at afterschool club an hour before we pick her up, but she's asking for food as soon as she gets through the door. She's also not very truthful about what she's actually been given. For example, 'I didn't like the snack so I didn't eat anything' turned into I ate half a hotdog, which became a whole hotdog, which became all of her snack and some of the leftovers as well (which she only admitted once we'd had dinner). She ended up having three breakfasts last weekend - one she helped herself to, one I gave her, then her dad gave her more food after I'd gone out as she said she hadn't had some. I get that growing children can take in a lot of food, but that was more than I could physically fit into my stomach in the course of under an hour!

I wouldn't worry too much, but she is a bit overweight for her age and starting to get teased about it - OH's ex is quite big built, and I worry about setting her up for poor eating habits/poor health later in life. I'll always let her have cucumber sticks/maybe rice cakes, but then she'll ask for something like jam and toast or a piece of cheese as well and complain about being starving if I say no.

Any advice gratefully received! Trying to figure it all out as I go along.

My daughter is slightly older and would also snack constantly given half the chance. She is also beginning to get a bit overweight. She definitely eats out of habit/boredom and will admit it when she's in the right frame of mind. But constantly saying no is hard and it's really tricky because you just can't tell what level of hunger they are actually experiencing.

In your case, you also have the minefield of being new to the family and eating habits are an emotional minefield.

Think you need to have a very careful conversation with her dad and agree some ground rules about number of snacks/meals. If he's not on board/in denial, it will be very hard to change.

I think sometimes people feel hungry when they may be just used to eating more than they need. So she may really feel hungry. Esp if it is getting close to a meal time. I would give her something low calorie and healthy but maybe a bit tastier than cucumber on its own. Don't make a big deal of it whatever you do. Do some fun activity that can't involve eating if you think she is bored, lots of running round with friends is good.

Thanks! It's good to hear from other people about it. The boredom factor is mostly tricky in the evenings after work - me and OH tend to have to swap picking her up and cooking dinner, with the other one only coming in in time to eat. It can be difficult to keep her from getting bored at the same time as sorting out dinner. She likes to help cook sometimes, but tends to wander off quite quickly and ask for something else to do (or go and put her head in the fridge...). I don't think it's a bad thing for her to feel hungry sometimes, but it would be nice to feel confident that she's getting the right amount of food for her needs overall!

If its not long till dinner it won't hurt her to be hungry for a short while, I would say no snacks you'll spoil your dinner and ideally get her outside on the trampoline or riding her scooter or bike. But dont ever make her feel bad about wanting to eat or her size. If it was quite a while till the next meal I would do a healthyish low calorie snack. Give her plenty of fun and attention too. I think you are right that she is comfort eating so be there for her and she won't want to as much.

She could also actually be thirsty -we often confuse thirst with hunger apparently so try giving her a drink instead.