How long for a toddler (2.9) to adapt to a new baby

[LIG1979]

Help! My toddler is breaking me.

My dd (2.9) was a lovely little girl and very excited about her little brother arriving. Now he is here (6 weeks) she is very excited and tells everyone about him and that he is 'her little brother'. However, her behaviour has been appalling since he arrived and she isn't sleeping.

It is a lot worse when it is just me and dh isn't around. If she wakes in the night and dh deals with it she will go back to sleep but with me she will be up for hours. She takes away nappies and wipes mid change, throws her dinner on the floor, refuses to get dressed etc. She will often tell me she is being naughty if I ignore it as if she knows what she is doing.

I am trying to be patient and give her more rather than less attention. However, it seems that she behaves worse when he is crying so my initial tactic to leave him and go to her when they are both crying actually makes things worse rather than better.

Sorry for such a long rambling post.

I have tried to have one on one time with her and when I do she is well behaved and lovely again but obviously I am limited to how often we can do this.

It is horrible as I dread time with the two of them and just want my little girl back. I just wish I could do something....but don't know what. Also, ds is spending his days either being left to cry or having to live with a screaming toddler which cannot be nice.

My DS was 2.9 when ds2 was born and was exactly the same - it took him about 6 weeks to settle down.

Thanks pottering. Did you do anything or did it resolve itself on its' own?

I have zero advice as am in almost identical situation. My dd is 2.11 and have another dd of six weeks. Thought we'd turned a corner last week but today has been vile.
I feel so sorry for dd2 as she is clearly being scared by the screaming and she's such a placid baby, unlike her sister...... Watching for advice.

she will come around. My dd1 is 26 months and new baby is 16 weeks. When dd1 gets tired she still says sometimes that she wants to hurt the baby when she wants cuddles etc but it happens very rarely these days. I know that she can feel left out and try to involve with everything, even if it means that the baby will get less attention. It is hard but try not to make it a competition for your attention to her.

It truly is heartbreaking tho x

My DS was 2.4 when DD arrived and I would say his behaviour was challenging for about 6 months. He seemed sad for a long while then when DD started to interact with him things got much easier.
It's such a big change for them - having to share their Mum and Dad. The feel angry and hurt but don't really understand why. Luckily DS never took it out on DD. 5 years on and they get on really well. They choose to share a room - I can hear them shrieking with laughter now (even though they are supposed to be asleep!!)

Good to hear the positive nigril but 6 months sounds like a long time.

Slave - we do get good days when it is just the 3 of us and then like today she turns into a monster and I start to dispair. I think being out and about helps but because of her behaviour, I am a little bit wary about where I can go with two for her safety as running off is one of the ways she misbehaves. Playdates seem to be a good option.

Myname - I just feel so sad as her behaviour is meaning that I am telling her off rather than having fun with her and even when he naps she seems determined to sabotage the time by waking him up or misbehaving. I also look forward to the days she is at nursery and I can just enjoy ds. He also seems much more content on nursery days so I worry it is affecting him.

I think I thought that because she wanted a baby brother and was so excited about it and so obsessed with babies that the transition would be easier than it has been so far.

Can you put DS in a sling so that you can still do thing with her but he feels held close. I use to use the sling in the house all the time.
Toddler groups are handy for toddlers when you have a new baby. As a lot of people there will have been in the same boat.

I had 4 in 6 years with around a 2year age gap each time. We did a lot of sitting at the Kitchen table when the baby needed fed each time as it meant I could do jigsaws or playdoh at the same time with the others. We did a lot of guess what the baby has done in their nappy at nappy change time. I had a change may downstairs so I didn't leave them whilst doing it. They always loved guessing wee or poo and seeing if they were right. I had a carrycot in the hall for the baby to have day sleeps in for the first 3 or 4 months so they didn't feel I was always leaving them the settle the baby.

We never stopped them touching the baby but always let them touch legs and feet as that couldn't hurt the baby, as much as poking in the face. If they asked to hold the baby we always let them but sitting in the middle of the sofa, sitting with their legs out and baby on their lap. As soon as the baby was asleep we did something with the older ones to give them some attention.
As my health visitor, who had 4 kids herself, said microwave meals are made for families where there is a new baby. You can't do everything. Spend the time with the toddler rather than cook.

Also don't forget that negative attention is still attention. Instead of telling off I sometimes look disappointed or will just leave the room and it works better than telling off.

Thanks fresh - I will try some of those ideas as they are all sensible. Not sure how people with more than 2 do it.

Name - been trying that but often the naughtiness starts when I am feeding him and she is but I should try and walk away more.

we had the same problem, people kept saying to read book to the older one but she isn't interested. What i do now is i either put tv on, give her my phone to play with or generally try to get her interested in something random like " oo, what is your dolly wearing" so that she feels she gets my attention although i feed baby

If you can use a sling that was what helped me most - I know some people hate the sling advice. .. I tried to continue as close to the same way we had done before the baby arrived, so spent a lot of time pushing dd on a swing with ds1 in the sling, and got back to toddlers groups ASAP after c section.

Actually I think DC3 got a bit of a raw deal because there were no more new babies so I stopped making such an effort, and instead he's been a bit of a passenger dragged along as I taxi his older brother and sister around...

Hopefully it'll get easier as the weather improves OP - any enclosed play parks nearby? That's where I'd be spending all dry days - meet friends there and take a picnic, reigns for car to play park if you have to walk there.

I have a 3 week old Dd and 2.3 year dd. Today was my first day alone with them both and it was literally one of the very worst days of my life. I agree the sling really helps, I had dd2 in the sling a couple of times while she slept and dd1 and I played in the garden, was quite enjoyable.

But the rest of the time was a total nightmare. Dd1 won't eat any meals. She chucks it in the floor or across table . She is making as much mess as possible all the time unpacking cupboards etc and wouldn't have her nap. I did lose my temper at one point and shouted and then we basically were all crying at once for about half an hour thn both dc fell asleep finally. Absolutely awful. Dd1 won't speak to me or respond to anything I say unless I'm holding the baby, when suddenly she wants a cuddle and climbs up on us using the baby as a grab handle.

Sorry I clearly don't have any advice but offering solidarity

It's very upsetting as me and dd1 were inseparable and she was so lovely and affectionate before