Strange behaviour in 10yr old DS

[Verbena37]

Hi,
If I mention some of my 10 yr old DS' behaviours, could you say if they hint at anything in particular or whether it's a testosterone/testing me type thing? I must point out that two years ago DS was diagnosed with temporal lobe nocturnal epilepsy but has been seizure free for 21 months.

Refuses in the main to get himself dressed. He won't get out his own clothes out and doesn't easily remove his PJs and then has to be nagged to put the clothes on. He will get changed after Pe and swimming though.

He won't go up and brush his teeth. He wants me to come up and put the toothpaste on for him and brush them.....most of the time. He hates his teeth being brushed.

He has massive melt downs for very minor reasons. Last year, two episodes lead to him trying to self harm. Today, he couldn't do his origami and he went bonkers! Swearing and screaming for about half an hour. Hitting out at me and constantly swearing and kicking the dresser with the fish tank on etc. I swiftly removed the scissors just in case! Afterwards, he lay on the floor curled up saying " please take me to a hospital to make me better". He said he had felt funny like when he has a seizure.

He has Selective Eating Disorder but after dietician appointments and specialist appointments, they said he isn't starving and therefore they cannot offer help. The SED makes social stuff hard.....picnics at Cubs or staying at friends (he doesn't do that much) is tricky. He hasn't been on a school trip.....mainly because of the nocturnal seizures but also because he just wouldn't eat. He won't sit at the dinner table easily....if DD burps or coughs, he says the germs are all over his food.....when we explain they aren't, he doesn't believe us and refuses to eat any food.

Such small things are huge to him and upset him so easily. DD (13) only has to smile at the him in the wrong way and she will get kicked or sworn at.
Today, another melt down as he couldn't tie his karate belt properly and apparently, my attempt wasn't good enough so he thumped me on my arm and swore at me. We don't tolerate swearing or violence and so this is extreme and not copied behaviour.

He loves being outdoors and hates going to school.....another issue. He regularly says he isn't going and whilst he is skinny, he is really getting strong and I ant drag him downstairs to school anymore! I'm constantly bribing him or raising my voice to get him to go.

Last Friday he asked me for a day off school so he could think about all the paper work he has to do at school and said its just too much.

Any ideas? School wouldn't get it. They say he is angelic at school and is conscientious and works as hard as he can.
Sorry for long post.

Gosh, that all sounds very difficult, challenging and upsetting.

First of all, I suggest you also start a thread in the Special Needs section. the ladies on their are so knowledgeable and creative about coming up with creative solutions.

Whether school think he's coping or not, he is expressing his stress to you at home.

He probably is working as hard as he can, but it sounds like the effort of holding everything together at school is causing him to melt down at home where he feels safe.

Have you discussed these issues with the GP?

have a look at this and see if it rings any bells

He sounds similar to my friend's son and he has Aspergers.

Thanks so much for your replies. Will check out that link in a bit. I did post on SEN thread but nobody replied all week

18yrs OMG.....that sounds just like it !!
Will do some more looking into it. Thanks so much for posting that.

If you are on Facebook, search PDA global group (cover photo is mountains)

It's a closed group so you need to request membership

You'll get a message asking what your interest in the group is

They are a helpful bunch

Pathological Demand Avoidance can exist as a syndrome in it's own right but demand avoidance also exists as part of Autism Spectrum Disorders.

Some of the behaviours you describe also match Autism or Asperger's Syndrome so look into that too.

There's a lot of crossover so don't be surprised if it's hard to decide which describes him best.

PDA is an autistic spectrum disorder ?

PDA is an autistic spectrum disorder?

Opinions vary on that. There are certainly a lot of traits in common.

So thankful to you ladies for posting about PDA.
18yrs I have joined that FB group......so many similarities with my DS.
I have found a good research article about links between PDA a and epilepsy so must read that through as well.

Feel so much relief and feel more confident in asking for help...and that it's not just me being a bad parent!

I'm glad it's been helpful to post here, Verbena.

Just to update....

Our GP agreed, without a check up, to refer DS to a private Paed Consultant and her psychologist partner to assess DS for PDA or other AS disorders. Fortunately, DH has private health care so we are going through that....phew!
His appointment is in November so not too much longer to wait once school begins again.
If I hadn't had come and asked on here though, I honestly think I would be going loopy!! You all suggested something that I had never even heard of and could have missed completely.
Thanks you

Hi my son was diagnosed aspergers earlier this year at 11, it's only looking back I see things were different for him and because he had no learning difficulty and was quiet at school they didn't really know him there however he had anxiety just brewing up inside him. If kids are anxious it becomes all about control, they try to control their environment to avoid the anxious situation.

I still need to lay clothes out and we now have a list of steps (in pictures), in his room to getting dressed which I think helps..

On the school front he struggled for a year then missed a year completely. Not great and still struggling there.

We do reward charts where he gets points for doing 'normal' things like getting up and dressed, eating, brushing his teeth.. Might sound basic but after an amount of points he gets a small reward and it helps motivate him into essential but mundane things and he gets self esteem from getting his points... He too said about 18 months ago can't you just make me normal... He knew he was more different than we even realised...hope you get some answers soon. X

Thanks Butterfly your DS sounds similar to mine. I might do some pictures for his room to help him. It's so heartbreaking isn't it, when they say things can you make them normal. DS tells me often "please can you either take me to hospital and make the doctors make me normal or better and if they can't, please kill me". I die inside when he says that.

It is so hard to gear it I agree, I think with kids like this you need to praise them even more, a year ago my sons self esteem had crashed, now we acknowledge we know things are hard for him and encourage him to try but if it doesn't work out say well we just try again.. At first we were constantly giving him a very hard time and dragging him to school but it got us no where and he was getting depressed.. Sad thing is I had to choose his emotional wellbeing over education fir the time being, but so far authorities are supporting the approach. I even get thank you and I love you again, last year he just stayed in bed for weeks in end and screamed at us to go away. Everything in my house is predictable now, no surprise appointments or arrangements, it seems to help him manage the anxiety, also putting a name on it has helped as previously he just felt weird, slowly teaching him it's worry he's feeling so something causes it. I dreaded telling him he had aspergers but I totally think it was a turning point, like a relief for him there was a reason. Good luck xx

Went through something a bit like this albeit with diff symptoms.

Emphasising constant underlying love constantly was important. We used no matter what by Debbie Gliori as a reference point. It's for younger children, but could you get it as if for a present for someone and read it with him?

Also being able to explain that his brain is wired differently was critical.

And having strategies to defuse anger. We had an inflatable punchbag at one point. The psych gave us lots of options.

But the love bit was crucial, explaining that we loved him but didn't like jus behaviour.

His. Not jus!

My son had HFA/PDA diagnosed privately in June, whilst his behaviour is still very difficult to deal with, it's good to have answers.
Glad he's been referred.