Overcoming shyness/building confidence in my 2 year old

[eddiesgl1]

Afternoon. Has anybody got any recommendations/suggestions on how to bring a 2 year old a bit more out of her shell? My daughter has always been quite quiet and reserved around others (she does warm up around my friends and their children and whilst quiet in crèche she gets along fine there). I don't want to change her personality but would like to help her be more confident. The issue I am having is when we go to classes or she needs To join in something (eg at a party when everyone gets together for a group pic) she gets so clingy and cries and wants no part of it. It's frustrating as her mum who is trying to encourage her that even when I'm there she doesn't feel safe to join in. I don't know whether to persist with classes (we're back from Gymboree today which to be fair was a bit loud) and she'll get over it with familiarity or whether to stop,let her do her own play (which she's happy with) and come back to group things later on. Any thoughts? I have a 5 month old too and things haven't gotten better or worse since she came along but I'm at the stage now where I do want to get out f the house more for all our sakes!

It's normal for a lot of 2yr olds, they're still very young remember and some find noisy boisterous places a challenge (esp. if it's a new place for them)

I started my own playgroup for DD1 because she hated "Those rushing about boys".

It's best not to worry or push her. Just ask her if she wants to go home and take her if she says yes. I found if you don't make a big deal out of it, it improves as their confidence improves.

Just take her to quieter places and the park.

Thanks, that is the crux of it really- persist or back out of these situations. If stepping back means that she feels secure but doesn't automatically mean that she has a lifetime of avoiding social situations then that's great!

Yes exactly their security is important and sometimes if you FORCE the issue it doesn't improve, it may well continue, because they loose confidence in you

Ppeatfruit and mrbrowncanmoo thanks too. Reassuring. Know every child is different but when every toddler around us seems to dive right into things it's good to know there's others like her too :)

My DC were both like that. I can say hand on heart (both in their 30s now) that it did not make any difference in the long run.

I personally did not 'force' them to join anything they didn't enjoy, I used to do small group things which they felt comfortable with. They are both now confident, well adjusted adults who do not have any problems with any situation now.

p.s. I used to see lots of toddlers who just dived in too, but now you would not see any difference between them and my DCs.

I have a three, almost four year old who is similar, likes nursery, but it took a while to gently settle him there and he has a fabulous key worker. He isn't bothered about parties and would prefer I was around (what a compliment!) he's off to school in September and I'm hoping he will have enough confidence to enjoy it. My sense is he needs to not be rushed, to get to know his new surroundings with me in the background, know I'm not sneaking off anywhere, and the setting (nursery/ school) to know what makes him tick (he loves water, rescues) he will also 'help' a lot if asked and if feeling nervous is best given helping jobs like setting out a safety barrier with cones or watering the plants etc, I think the other thing to help with is transitions, eg when nursery move to the carpet for a story or go for a snack etc, his lovely key worker really helped as would always help him transition through these things. I hope your dds confidence grows, I think it's often something which does so slowly and is better not rushed. I try to take ds to groups but we stopped going to a couple where it was just too loud, (apparently if they have glue eat it can make the sound really disorientating and much more unpleasant) i'd suggest you do lots with your daughter so she gets to experience things with the knowledge that you are there, then when nursery and school comes round she's only dealing with new people, not using a music shaker for the first time etc?

I had the same and dd (3.9) is still a little wary at parties or groups but she needs 15 minutes clinging to me warm up and then I don't see her!

I never forced anything. Occasionally I come away.
I always repeated to her "I'm here for you" or "I won't let anything hurt you" - just to reassure her.

Play dates at home were my allies rather than big groups. One or two parents I know with their children. This helped her get used to others.

Dd now has a lovely relationship with a few of my friends as she's had the time to trust them.

I know it's hard when others don't behave like yours and you secretly wish they would, but actually I quite like that dd doesn't rush in to situations not like me who's a bull in a china shop It's a nice quality to have. Don't stress, it'll work itself out