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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

2 year old having melt down after childcare every night

17 replies

NessaWH123 · 29/04/2015 20:32

Hi im looking for any new advise as im at my wits end. My little boy goes to a childminder 3 days a week. He is happy to go, usually happy there and happy when i pick him up but as soon as we walk through the door home he starts crying, tantruming and nothing can settle him for about half an hour or more. He gets plenty of sleep at the childminders and i make sure if i am picking him up nearer 5 pm he has his evening meal at her house. If i am going to be earlier he usually has a snack in the car on the way home and dinner when he gets in. Saying that he isnt a big eater and often refuses his dinner completely, especially of course once he starts a meltdown at home. Ive tried having the tv on to distract him, playing with him etc..but he dosent want me near him when he gets in and just throws himself on the floor in more of a protest. Its so upssetting but i dont know how to help..any ideas please? its very tiring . Thanks.

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longdiling · 29/04/2015 20:37

I wonder if it's a 'transition' thing - some kids find it hard to 'transition' from one thing or place to another. Now it's lighter in the evening could you stop off at the park or something on the way home? Or could you have a little 'treat' box ready inside to distract him with? Maybe put some little pocket money toys in like bubbles or cars or something.

Original poster

NessaWH123 · 29/04/2015 22:17

I did wonder that yep I'll try that esp the treat box idea sounds worth ago. Anything to try to settle him. He has been going for a year now and it hasn't improved do they grow out of this transition thing in any particular age do u know? X

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HolgerDanske · 29/04/2015 22:24

It's called the Terrible Twos for a very good reason

It'll pass, I promise.

It's likely that he's just a bit overwhelmed with being back at home after a long day and probably letting it all hang out a bit.

redautumnleaves · 29/04/2015 22:26

Normal! It's just letting off steam in a safe environment after being away from you. Just treat it with love and patience (and food and sleep). It will pass, eventually.

Starlightbright1 · 29/04/2015 22:26

if this has been going on for a year can I suggest another method..

It is now almost a routine thing and do something to change it...So long as he is not a danger to himself let him tantrum. Then lots of praise rewards when he calms or comes for a cuddle to calm.

Another thing plan and acitivty for home. Ask C minder to talk to him about it and then you can say lets go and do ...

I also found with my DS I could not talk to him about nursery at that age. He refused to talk about it and it caused more upset to ask him. I know he was happy at nursery as he stopped crying once I was out of sight.

wallypops · 29/04/2015 22:33

I don't know if this will help but with DD2 when she had a meltdown I would say do you want to go and lie down with teddy on the sofa until your feeling calmer. She learnt to calm herself down really quickly and I wish I'd known about the technique with DD1. She could see me in the kitchen from the sofa so she didn't feel isolated or punished.

Original poster

NessaWH123 · 30/04/2015 06:48

Thanks. His speech and language is a bit behind so he still can't say anything to explain how he feels a d dosent always understand what I am trying to say or offer him yet which I'm sure dosent help. I'm sure it will pass but as its been a year of it now since he was 13 months I was wondering what else to do. Love and cuddles he doesn't want at all when he gets in. I'll try to see about an activity for home that the childminders can explain x

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FairyPenguin · 30/04/2015 07:02

Can I suggest picking him up at the same time every day so he knows what to expect, ie dinner at childminders and then mummy arrives. Even if you are finishing work early, I'm assuming you've paid the minder the same amount? I know it might not be practical, but just a thought.

Footle · 30/04/2015 07:22

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Artandco · 30/04/2015 07:29

Yes I would pick up at the same time. It's only 3 days a week so leave until 5 or whenever is the later time. Then the routine when home is more similar.

Introduce a small ' quiet time' when home. Settle him on sofa with some books, give him a drink of milk, you have a drink, and chill on the sofa together 20 mins. If he wants cuddles you are there so he can, but he can also choose space if he prefers. Read to him if he wants, otherwise just let him look at them himself if he prefers

Original poster

NessaWH123 · 30/04/2015 13:24

Thanks for the ideas. I was always picking him up at 5 pm but he was still like it then so that's why I started to try and get him earlier whn I can but things r no better I have tried to get her to give him his tea before I collect him everyday but he HSS rarely eaten it as to distracted by the others around him ( and he isn't much of an eater as it is!) I've tried coming in for quiet time but before I have chance for thishe has already started cresting the minute we head through the door and then its impossible to bring him round. Sorry I'm not trying t make excuses just think of the best solution maybe it is the childminders that's the problem as someone been mentioned yet he is happy to be dropped off and when I pick him up and trudt me he lets u know if he isnt happy !;) x

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Footle · 30/04/2015 16:53

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

longdiling · 30/04/2015 18:31

Perhaps I'm not the most objective as a childminder but it seems a bit harsh to link a two year old's tantrums AT HOME to his childcare setting - unless you have other concerns OP?

If he's happy going in, happy at pick up and you have no other concerns then it seems a strange and unfair conclusion to jump to. I think it's fairly common for parents to have a tantruming child on their hands when they get them home from nursery/childminders. You poor parents get the crappy end of the stick really - you have them handed back to you when they're exhausted and more likely to tantrum and play up. You also have to do all the hard work of getting them bathed/in pjs and off to bed. What is your routine like when you get back OP? What time does he go to bed? I'm wondering if he's thinking about what comes next when he gets in i.e. bedtime

Original poster

NessaWH123 · 01/05/2015 16:49

Is OP me longdiling? I wasn't saying it was necessarily because of the childminder setting, i was merely responding to another comment made as a possibility...so i want being harsh really just weighing up ALL the possibilities. My routine is come home, have tea if he hasnt eaten or play if he has and chance to wind down before TV, milk book, bath and bed at around 7pm.

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FreeButtonBee · 01/05/2015 17:02

My DTs are exactly the same when I come home from work. And they are home all day with their much adored nanny. It also happens when PIL or my parents look after them. I think they just realize that it's the end of the day and wow! they are tired after all.

I find minimizing the amount of things that have to happen/that I do in the period between getting home and getting them into their PJs really helps. So no housework/meal prep, no tidying, just a few books and then bath and bed. It's pretty tedious and annoyingly they are even worse if anyone else sticks around and tries to help (eg my mum trying to help with bathtime ends up with me with two wailing tots hanging round my neck!). So I suggest you simplify and make the home end routine as short and focused as possible.

Artandco · 01/05/2015 17:22

Nessa - that seems a lot of stuff to do in 2 hours . So if he eats, plays, watches TV, baths, has stories all before bed each one must be quite rushed surely? Ie dinner time here is around 45-60 mins long. Bath is 30-45mins. Not 5/10 mins.

I feel he may feel rushed and pressured to fit everything in. I would change to get in at 5pm, 5-6pm just let him play, cuddle, spend time with him. 6pm-6.30pm eat together. 6.30-7pm bath. 7-7.30pm stories in bed then sleep.

Drop the tv, there isn't time and it's really too close to bedtime, and move bedtime back 30 mins so he has time to do each thing without being rushed onto next part. Maybe take a bath with him so you have more time playing together also before bed so he feels secure that once home he will have lots of time with you

Original poster

NessaWH123 · 01/05/2015 21:31

Thanks for the advise but its the minute he gets in he starts tantruming and is settled for TV bath and bedtime. Its just the first part of the evening. And our meal times last all of 10 minutes with him and he has had enough of a bath after 10 mins as well

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